trying to become new man

[childman]

i love my wife, at least 1 believe i do, but my actions leave many telling me i dont. i struggle with being open to her about everything i do. our intimacy level is zero.....and i want nothing more to be close to her again....i struggle with porn, and objectifying women....so therefore my mind isnt focused on my wife or family how it should be. She is an amazingly strong woman and intelligent and beautifuland i dont say that because shes my wife....many others give her those compliments... sadly i know i should be giving her them myself. i'm seeking god to give me strength to make me grow and become the man i need to be. anyone have advice....and i know it seems redundant but how do i build intimacy other than " start being honest"

 

[david.d]

It takes a while to get back to how you used to be when she married you. The easiest way is to start small and show her you are focusing on her and not being selfish. Do things for her, show her your feelings toward her. Telling her isn't always as helpful as doing it. Intimacy is a two way street. So sit down with her regularly and just talk about what's going on in your lives and confide in one another. My wife is my best friend, but it wasn't always that way. I had to learn how to be her best friend. Even strong women tend to be more emotional than men so you need to connect with her emotionally, which means you have to also open up emotionally. That may be the hardest part, beyond giving up whatever selfish activities you have. My emotions used to be either happy or angry, but I learned there are more than just those two. I have gone through all of this, so I'm not trying to put you down, just letting you know what I had to do. The only way to really fix a relationship is to grow together and mend the pieces that have grown apart. A marriage should be a full connection, but many of us don't maintain that full connection and let other things replace it.

 

[childman]

It takes a while to get back to how you used to be when she married you. The easiest way is to start small and show her you are focusing on her and not being selfish. Do things for her, show her your feelings toward her. Telling her isn't always as helpful as doing it. Intimacy is a two way street. So sit down with her regularly and just talk about what's going on in your lives and confide in one another. My wife is my best friend, but it wasn't always that way. I had to learn how to be her best friend. Even strong women tend to be more emotional than men so you need to connect with her emotionally, which means you have to also open up emotionally. That may be the hardest part, beyond giving up whatever selfish activities you have. My emotions used to be either happy or angry, but I learned there are more than just those two. I have gone through all of this, so I'm not trying to put you down, just letting you know what I had to do. The only way to really fix a relationship is to grow together and mend the pieces that have grown apart. A marriage should be a full connection, but many of us don't maintain that full connection and let other things replace it.

Thank you David,
That has definately been my struggle....opening up to her and showing her emotion...and showing her i im interested and LISTENING to her emotions. She has grown over our 10 yr relationship....and she has definately outgrown me....i pray that i can catch up to her and start being able to better connect with her emotionally.

 

[david.d]

I'm

Thank you David,
That has definately been my struggle....opening up to her and showing her emotion...and showing her i im interested and LISTENING to her emotions. She has grown over our 10 yr relationship....and she has definately outgrown me....i pray that i can catch up to her and start being able to better connect with her emotionally.

I'll be praying for you brother. One thing I forgot to mention, that helped me get there. I had to open up to God too. Bring Him into my house and give Him my faults. The closer I've gotten to God, the closer I get to my wife. He can soften our hearts and do most of the work for us, took me a while to understand that. Let Him be a bridge to her.