trying hard to not hurt the ones I love

[blending_in_background]

Hi all, this is my first time on here so please forgive me if a ramble a bit. I've grown up in a fairly open Christian family and for a long time took it all a bit for granted. Then approximately 2 1/2 years ago I really began to find my own faith and grew a lot closer to God with the help of a couple of really good Christian friends.

At that time I was trying to get into the job I always want to do and finally became a Police Officer. I did so and loved it, fast forwarding a year and a bit. I found keeping my connection to God difficult with my job and lifestyle but in-between I met the most wonderful girl, someone who really got me and who I thought I got too.

Anyway we had been going steady and had a sexual relationship until very recently. About 6 months ago I tried to reconnect to God and my faith by going back to church, listening to a lot of sermon podcasts and reading my bible a lot.

My girlfriend had been going through a tough time with her own family life in turmoil and kept hinting at wanting to go away so she could have a break from it all for a weekend here or there. I became very hesitant as I didn’t want this weekend to become "dirty" weekends away and became a bit distant with her. She went on a 3 day drinking bender this week and last night she explained to me that she found it hard to deal with me being so cold and distant and never wanting to do anything exciting with her.

I thought long and hard about what she said and today I finally told her that I was struggling with my faith and felt sex in our relationship was wrong and wanted to stop it. She took that badly. She was devastated that I hadn’t told her sooner and said she felt used and betrayed by me. I don’t blame her as I was betraying myself for a long time. She explained that if I had told her sooner she would have understood and respected my beliefs. I didnt know how she'd felt about it and kept it to myself until tonight.

My feelings for haven’t changed and she really means everything to me. I'm not so sure about her feelings towards me though. She wanted time-out to think about things and now I'm off for a two week holiday I don’t know what to do.

She means the world to me, and I don’t want to lose here but I think I might have ruined the best thing ever going for me. I'm really struggling with my faith but am trying to do the right thing and do believe that God works in different ways, even if it doesn’t seem apparent to me at the time.

Have I done the right thing? I'm sure this isn’t unique to me but any advice out there would be really appreciated.

Neil

 

[drich0150]

First off posting this in the Edification/Christian Advise category would yield greater responses to your query, and maybe able to get you some better advise than what I'm about to give you. This category is typically reserved for those with some sort of struggle often times dealing in some kind of dependency.


I think her biggest issue here is that "people" use religion as a way of cutting back emotional involvement in a failing relationship. She maybe sensing this, causing that "Used feeling." I would tell her how you feel and then give it time. There isn't a quick fix answer here. You did mess up, but on a brighter note you will know with out a shadow of a doubt if she comes back whether or not she can be a scriptural wife or not. In the long run isn't that what dating is all about anyway?