That isn't always the case. Sometimes, people escalate things until the "aggressor" believes they have no choice but to go to war. You brought up rape, which I think is shameful of you, but since you went there, let's roll with it.
True, women never deserve to be raped. And generally speaking, a woman isn't blamed when they are raped. Especially when you have scenarios where a woman is attacked by an intruder in her own home. But let's say a woman is at a club and begins making advances towards a person she doesn't know and ends up getting drunk and going home with him. Knowing she is drunk, the man has sex with her and the next day she says she was raped. Again, she didn't deserve it and the man should be prosecuted. However, did her poor decisions not elevate the risk? Is she not responsible for those poor decisions that ultimately led to her rape?
Likewise, Putin is responsible for his actions. However, NATO leaders are to blame for their poor foreign policy decisions that brought everything to this point.