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Traumatized From Money Loan to Sister and Drug Dealer

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Faith712, May 8, 2021.

  1. Faith712

    Faith712 Newbie

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    Hello! Good morning everyone! :) I hope you guys have a wonderful day! :) God bless you! :)

    Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this. Thank you to everyone who takes the time out to respond to this.

    I have a sister who is in love with a drug dealer. They needed my help because they are homeless and were in a motel. They needed money to stay in the motel. My sister called first and asked and I talked to her and I said no. A few minutes later, the drug dealer called and pressed me and begged me so I agreed to loan them $100, interest $50, so they owed me $150. The next day, my sister paid me $125 and said that the drug dealer would pay me the remaining $25 when he got paid 3 days later.

    2 days later, the drug dealer called me and pressured me again and I agreed to lend him $75 for interest of $25. So he owes me $125. The 3rd day, the day I was supposed to get the $125, my sister and the drug dealer got into a fight and they broke up. About 2 days later, I found out my sister was with the drug dealer. I asked her about my money and she said she was done with me for refusing her and not refusing him and wasn't going to pay me. She said the deal was between me and him and not her, even though I did it to help both of them.

    So this morning I believe I am traumatized. I can't get it off my mind how bad my sister treated me. I've done nothing but help her. I've given her clothes, my cross necklace, and helped her children. I've done nothing but help her but the first time I said "no" she's done with me. She said I have no loyalty and that I am weak.

    So now I'm out $50. I'm okay with the money. I actually understood that they might get me, but I just wanted to help. I'm okay with the money, I'll get more money. Money is not a problem. It's the fact of how dramatic and how evil she was toward me. She's done with me, regardless of the other major things I've done to help her. She can't see past that one thing.

    I shouldn't have done this, made deals with him but he's been so nice to me and everything. I thought he would keep his end of the deal. I didn't know until afterward he's been doing to this to people, borrow money and refuse to pay them. I also did not factor in the fact of how he's doing my sister with money, blowing her pay checks on drugs and whatever makes a person spend $9000 in 1-2 weeks.

    I was a fool, but I only wanted to help. I did help them stay in the motel, so I'm cool with losing the $50. I wish she could consider it a gift.

    Anyway, I believe I am traumatized because she said I was disloyal and weak. I can't get this situation out of my head. Then I have his card, he said lend him the money and I get to keep his card. So I have his pay card and this morning my mom will take it to my dad and let him give it to them.

    I am through with my sister. I am so sick of these dramatic emotional games she plays. I don't want anything to do with her. Maybe I won't have to avoid her because she did say she was done with me.

    Anyway, I'm traumatized and just needed someone to talk to. How do I get it out of my head and stop thinking about it?
     
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  2. Faith712

    Faith712 Newbie

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    Nevermind.
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2021
  3. Rachel20

    Rachel20 Well-Known Member

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    What do you, your sister, and the drug dealer all have in common? Satan wants to destroy all of you.
    So while you've been lied to and stolen from (and anger is a rational response), on a deeper level it's all part of a spiritual warfare strategy to rob you of the one thing Christ asked of you - to love. So I would say, keep your focus on him and your losses in this life will seem worthless baubles.

    And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. Matthew 24:12
     
  4. Shrewd Manager

    Shrewd Manager Through him, in all things, more than conquerors. Supporter

    +3,085
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    Possibly because it's made a bad situation worse. Why did you lend to him instead of her and demand the interest in the first place?
     
  5. GOD Shines Forth!

    GOD Shines Forth! Well-Known Member Supporter

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    That is a beautiful response.
     
  6. Maria Billingsley

    Maria Billingsley Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,622
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    You charged 50% interest???? Despite her drug addiction, which is a sickness, or her dependance on a drug dealer, charging interest is appalling to me. Why deny her in the first place ? You handled this quite badly. You should apologize to your sister and try to help her get out of her situation. Anyway, reading your post made me a bit upset. Be blessed.
     
  7. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

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    Well, he's a smoother talker than your sister, that's probably why she fell in love with him. Apologize for refusing when she asked while giving to him. She needs to have that on record, even if she doesn't accept it. If she's not receptive, reach out to her when their relationship goes down the toilet (because it will), when she is angry at him. Then she might even be in a position when she needs help, and you can help her in a way that is reasonable and doable for you, which will be an improvement over what she will have at that time.
     
  8. Joined2krist

    Joined2krist Well-Known Member CF Ambassadors Supporter

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    As a Christian, you shouldn't lend people money for interests and yours was too high, 50% to a desperate person isn't really fair. Perhaps you can apologize to your sister and tell her you have decided to forfeit the money you gave them as a gift. Is your sister also a drug user? have you tried helping and praying for her? you should
     
  9. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran Supporter

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    You could tell her the truth - sorry that it seems like you favored him over her. He's a real smooth talker and knows how to apply pressure - sis aren't you real familiar with those manipulative techniques?
     
  10. Faith712

    Faith712 Newbie

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    No, I'm not used to those manipulative techniques. I just wanted to help them. I knew I could lose my money but I wanted to help them. They begged me for help and throw in the interest to get me to help them. Yes, the interest did make it easier but I swear the interest is not the main reason I helped them.

    As this thread die, at least I did help them. At least they did spend one more night in the hotel. The money doesn't matter to me, I see it as a gift. I just hope my sister will see it the same way one day.

    And no, she's not leaving him. She's with him as we speak.
     
  11. Hazelelponi

    Hazelelponi Well-Known Member Supporter

    +6,435
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    First, I don't believe in charging interest to family, second, I would have paid the motel bill myself and in person that way you know it went to what it was supposed to go to, and not anything illegal.

    Third, it sounds like the boyfriend is using, and at best selling some in order to support his habit. If he's using, it's very likely your sister is to.

    This does mean "tough love" is the order of the day. If your sister calls you again for money, explain that you will help her get help, you'll take her to an inpatient facility that helps with addiction issues, or take her to a domestic violence shelter, or take her to apply for emergency housing or otherwise help her to get the help she needs; but you can't financially support her bad decisions...

    She will be angry, she will deny it all... but someday she may come to her senses after hitting rock bottom and when she does she needs to know you love her and will help her get help...
     
  12. plain jayne

    plain jayne Active Member

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    I can barely get past the charging 50% interest. My head is spinning!!

    This man obviously can play you like a fiddle. Do NOT give them any more money!!

    My advice? Follow Hazelelponi's counsel in post #11.

    [And do NOT give them any more money. If he calls - hang up the phone. Only talk to your sister]
     
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  13. tuliplane

    tuliplane Newbie

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    I definitely can relate to you on dealing with a difficult sister using manipulative strategies. My best advice would be to first pray for her and then definitely stand up for what is true and just. She does not get to manipulate and abuse just because she is your sister. You don't even have to feel obligated to help her just because she is your sister. If she is living a life in sin and crime, the help you are giving her may be enabling her. If she runs out of money and hits rock bottom, it may be there that she can finally come to an understanding and turn her life around. Firmly tell her that you cannot give her anymore money because you love her and want her to learn to help herself and that you do not want it spent the wrong way. Is she using drugs? Perhaps have a conversation with her about ways to become free from addiction.
     
  14. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran Supporter

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    sorry I meant you were not use to his manipulative ways But she should recognize them - understanding why you gave i to him vs her
     
  15. turkle

    turkle Blessed

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    I seem to remember that your sister has been troublesome for some time. If this kind of behavior is a pattern for your sister, then this is about her, not about you. She sounds very sensitive and was hurt by the fact that you responded to her boyfriend, and not her. This is understandable. She most likely then overreacted in her response to you.

    You, in turn, appear to be similarly over reacting to her by saying that you are "traumatized" by her response. People say hurtful things when they are hurt. In fact, you did so yourself in your post by saying, similarly, that you are done with her. I think that you are escalating matters by doing so.

    I also recall that you posted previously about your tendency to over think things. I think that is most likely at play here as well. Your sister has chosen her lifestyle, and she has to pay the consequences for it. She is in a tough spot, and is resentful that you didn't give her what she wanted when she asked. It's understandable, though not entirely reasonable.

    My best advice to you is to let this go. Stop thinking about it. Don't obsess over it. She was hurt. She lashed out at you. Try to understand her point of view (though you don't have to agree with it) and be understanding. Don't lash back.

    Finally, I recommend that you stand firm. If you are not going to lend money (and I wouldn't in your situation), then stick to what you said. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't feel that you should do. As for the money, it's not a gift, since you didn't give under those conditions. However, don't expect repayment. I think this can be a valuable lesson for you.
     
  16. Al Gammate

    Al Gammate Newbie

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    Hello Faith712:

    In my opinion, if I were in that situation, I would apologize to your sister, in order to mend the relationship. But I would wait for her to call me first, so as to give her a chance to calm down and recollect herself. And during the conversation, I would let her vent, by being a good listener.

    Next, I would try to find out if she is using drugs. And if she is, I would try to convince her to get help (e.g., drug rehab center, drug counselor, Narcotics Anonymous, etc.). Now if she is using drugs, I would not give her anymore money, since this would be encouraging her to continue using drugs.

    Next, I would encourage her to talk about her loser boyfriend. I would listen for awhile, and then I would explain to her how her boyfriend is ruining the lives of others by getting them addicted to drugs, how he is unable to hold down a job like a real man should, and how he is unable to financially support himself even though he is a grown man.

    In fact, every time she calls me, I would remind her that she needs to get help and how much of a loser her boyfriend is. This will plant seeds in her mind that may someday bloom.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2021
  17. Faith712

    Faith712 Newbie

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    Hi everyone! :) Everything is good. Me and my sister are back to talking again and I am going to get my money back after all. :)

    I'll never lend money again though. Everything is good. I just had to have a talk with my sister.

    She IS using. She drinks and uses. She doesn't want anyone to say anything to her about it, but I'll try to talk to her more about it. I mean, she knows it's wrong and what she is doing is wrong so not sure what to say to her about it.

    Any way, thank you guys for comforting me. Thank you. :)
     
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