i dont know weather or not this belongs here or in the mental health section but here goes.
My search for God is making me ill, literally, its driving me insane! i cant work, eat, talk, sleep properly. Everyone is worried about me and says i need a doctor. I feel trapped with no escape! my story;
when i was young i was told there was a God looking down on me, who would always look after me. my mum used to take me to church evry sunday. i have since found out that she never really believed. she only took us because she thought it would be good for us and she wanted us to go to a church of england school, she also said she enjoyed going for the atmosphere. I was baptised when i was about 9, but stopped going to church a while after. I carried on believing and praying though. I had no doubt that God was real and that Jesus died for my sins so that i could be forgiven if i just asked, and i did all the time. i didnt read the
bible all that much because i thought i kew all i needed to know, i had faith and it was genuine. I thought that hell was just for really wicked evil people, or made up to scare people into going to church. i didnt realise that many people i knew and loved, including myself were actually evil wicked people destined for hell. i never realised the loving god i prayed to and relied on was a false idol. while i was growing up i met people that told
me i was not really a christian, and that i was also going to hell because i was not born again. i asked my mother but she said they were just trying to brainwash me. however from then on i was scared, what if they were right? i have always been a very anxious and
scared person, even as a child i was scared my parents would walk out on me even though they
showed me nothing but love. i so was paranoid, i stared to read the bible, and my world was shattered. the God i trusted and loved wasnt real. the God in the bible scared me. so i put it out of my mind. i carried on as normal, however lately i have come under a lot
of stress, and i worried about hell even more. i stared reading the bible again and was terrified. i have always been scared of dying and thoughts of what hell would be like but
now its ruining my life! i think of nothing but how i and all whome i love are going to a place of eternal tourment and misery. its destroying me! thoughts or the lake of eternal fire and brimstone, burning forever, being constantly eaten by worms! Why?! why would God
make such a place! does any sin deserve this? for all eternity. How can i love God when shuch a place is real? and the end times when God will pour all his wrath and anger out on earth, scares me too! all those poor people that will suffer horribly! how can christians have a moments peace knowing hell exists, and that it is fair? even for the pettiest of sins? how can i trust Gods judgment? how can christians be happy when they look around seeing non bleievers, knowing where they will spend eternity. Eternity! no escape ever!its driving me mad! i dont want to believe it but i keep thinking what if? i have talked to my family and loved ones, and there is no way they will ever be belivers, ever. how can i become a beliver when knowing what will happen to the ones i love? I feel like theres no escape apart from faith and trust in God which i had, but it wasnt the real God. I dont think i can trust the real God. I feel like i am just a pawn, a worthless little thing, an eternal being doomed to eternal misery with no escape ever. I want to love God i really do, I am gratefull for everything he has done for me, but i just cant trust him, while i know eternal suffering exists. i know i have and finate mind while Gods is infinate so i should just trust that God's judgment is good but i cant! its too much to ask from me. i just want to enjoy my life but then my mind says, you shouldnt be worried about this life, you
should be worrying about eternity. i tell my self that all this isnt real and try to think logically, but i find myself thinking what if it is real? i shouldnt be loving God out of fear of hell, but how can i love when i dont undersatand. i just what out, but there isnt an out
option! even if i did fuly believe i dont see how i could ever be happy while the ones i love dont believe? and i know they never will, ive talked with them about it at great length. im being driven mad by thoughts of eternal hell! ive found out that others have also been
driven into insanity by it. what can i do!? i pray for undersanding, but i dont even know who im praying to anymore! i just want to die, but when i do it wil be to and even worse place with no escape. im not saying when i read the bible its all bad, there is a lot of hope and love there, but no amount of hope and love can ease my mind of the thoughts of eternal sufering. how can i ever forget when it might be true?
My search for God is making me ill, literally, its driving me insane! i cant work, eat, talk, sleep properly. Everyone is worried about me and says i need a doctor. I feel trapped with no escape! my story;
when i was young i was told there was a God looking down on me, who would always look after me. my mum used to take me to church evry sunday. i have since found out that she never really believed. she only took us because she thought it would be good for us and she wanted us to go to a church of england school, she also said she enjoyed going for the atmosphere. I was baptised when i was about 9, but stopped going to church a while after. I carried on believing and praying though. I had no doubt that God was real and that Jesus died for my sins so that i could be forgiven if i just asked, and i did all the time. i didnt read the
bible all that much because i thought i kew all i needed to know, i had faith and it was genuine. I thought that hell was just for really wicked evil people, or made up to scare people into going to church. i didnt realise that many people i knew and loved, including myself were actually evil wicked people destined for hell. i never realised the loving god i prayed to and relied on was a false idol. while i was growing up i met people that told
me i was not really a christian, and that i was also going to hell because i was not born again. i asked my mother but she said they were just trying to brainwash me. however from then on i was scared, what if they were right? i have always been a very anxious and
scared person, even as a child i was scared my parents would walk out on me even though they
showed me nothing but love. i so was paranoid, i stared to read the bible, and my world was shattered. the God i trusted and loved wasnt real. the God in the bible scared me. so i put it out of my mind. i carried on as normal, however lately i have come under a lot
of stress, and i worried about hell even more. i stared reading the bible again and was terrified. i have always been scared of dying and thoughts of what hell would be like but
now its ruining my life! i think of nothing but how i and all whome i love are going to a place of eternal tourment and misery. its destroying me! thoughts or the lake of eternal fire and brimstone, burning forever, being constantly eaten by worms! Why?! why would God
make such a place! does any sin deserve this? for all eternity. How can i love God when shuch a place is real? and the end times when God will pour all his wrath and anger out on earth, scares me too! all those poor people that will suffer horribly! how can christians have a moments peace knowing hell exists, and that it is fair? even for the pettiest of sins? how can i trust Gods judgment? how can christians be happy when they look around seeing non bleievers, knowing where they will spend eternity. Eternity! no escape ever!its driving me mad! i dont want to believe it but i keep thinking what if? i have talked to my family and loved ones, and there is no way they will ever be belivers, ever. how can i become a beliver when knowing what will happen to the ones i love? I feel like theres no escape apart from faith and trust in God which i had, but it wasnt the real God. I dont think i can trust the real God. I feel like i am just a pawn, a worthless little thing, an eternal being doomed to eternal misery with no escape ever. I want to love God i really do, I am gratefull for everything he has done for me, but i just cant trust him, while i know eternal suffering exists. i know i have and finate mind while Gods is infinate so i should just trust that God's judgment is good but i cant! its too much to ask from me. i just want to enjoy my life but then my mind says, you shouldnt be worried about this life, you
should be worrying about eternity. i tell my self that all this isnt real and try to think logically, but i find myself thinking what if it is real? i shouldnt be loving God out of fear of hell, but how can i love when i dont undersatand. i just what out, but there isnt an out
option! even if i did fuly believe i dont see how i could ever be happy while the ones i love dont believe? and i know they never will, ive talked with them about it at great length. im being driven mad by thoughts of eternal hell! ive found out that others have also been
driven into insanity by it. what can i do!? i pray for undersanding, but i dont even know who im praying to anymore! i just want to die, but when i do it wil be to and even worse place with no escape. im not saying when i read the bible its all bad, there is a lot of hope and love there, but no amount of hope and love can ease my mind of the thoughts of eternal sufering. how can i ever forget when it might be true?
