Touching

[iambren]

Yes,touching the genders male-female way,not sexual. How many of you,especially those who've been married or had a long term relationship,miss that skin-on-skin experience. I find myself so parched and welcoming to benefit from the caresses that occur during the day.

Anyone else like that? How important is touch to you?

 

[dayhiker]

Touch is my main love language.
I find touch to be very meaningful and adds so much to my life. I miss it when I don't get to touch or be touched. A hand shake is nice, a hug is nicer, but most of off these are so short that it doesn't really get the endorphins moving. Science says we need to hug for 20 seconds for that to start.
This is one of the reasons I love to give a massage. About an hour of massage does so much for us. Yet its amazing how many people are afraid to get a massage.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Yeah when my husband first died and I wasn't so financially strapped, I use to get a massage at least once a month sometimes twice. I think it really helps. Even today I love massages because that's the only kind of touch I really get these days. Other than an occasional hug here and there.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Yes,touching the genders male-female way,not sexual. How many of you,especially those who've been married or had a long term relationship,miss that skin-on-skin experience. I find myself so parched and welcoming to benefit from the caresses that occur during the day.

Anyone else like that? How important is touch to you?

If Physical Touch is your Love Language, and theres a void with that currently....then its going to create a great longing for it. While I enjoy a Womans touch occasionally.....it is something I can easily live without as its not my dedicated Love Language . What really speaks volumes to me is the Love Language of : Spending Time with Me....especially when theres the element of going out of Ones way to make it happen ; it kinda gives me a testosterone surge by feeling so desired .

Now...on the issue of touching....what I truly need is to have a neck and shoulder massage by a professional to get rid of the tension and stress I hold in my muscles connecting my neck to the shoulders --- if I had a current Significant Other in my life right now, I would hopefully be putting her to good use in that arena .

 

[blackribbon]

I'm a bit of a mess. I am not someone who likes to be touched by people unless I am very close to them. However after spending 17 years married to a man who love was expressed through touch and he touched me a million times in a day (drove me crazy at the time), I miss it intensely. The idea of getting a massage by a stranger totally creeps me out.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

I'm a bit of a mess. I am not someone who likes to be touched by people unless I am very close to them. However after spending 17 years married to a man who love was expressed through touch and he touched me a million times in a day (drove me crazy at the time), I miss it intensely. The idea of getting a massage by a stranger totally creeps me out.

What IS your Love Language then ?

 

[sedonarose]

I'm a bit of a mess. I am not someone who likes to be touched by people unless I am very close to them. However after spending 17 years married to a man who love was expressed through touch and he touched me a million times in a day (drove me crazy at the time), I miss it intensely. The idea of getting a massage by a stranger totally creeps me out.

I feel the exact same way. I've always been uncomfortable being touched by strangers or even those I know but not very well. I have never had a professional massage but I can't imagine it would be very relaxing since I would be tensed up the whole time. Kind of counterproductive I think. As far as missing my husband's touch or longing for it, I don't really think about that as much as other things. I miss more his smile and just having someone there to talk to and do things with. The loneliness gets to me.

 

[dayhiker]

We all are pretty opposite with that regard aren't we?

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

I feel the exact same way. I've always been uncomfortable being touched by strangers or even those I know but not very well. I have never had a professional massage but I can't imagine it would be very relaxing since I would be tensed up the whole time. Kind of counterproductive I think. As far as missing my husband's touch or longing for it, I don't really think about that as much as other things. I miss more his smile and just having someone there to talk to and do things with. The loneliness gets to me.

What I really feel repulsed by in regards to touching, is when our rather large Christian Singles Ministry class adjourns and the Teacher says 'Give everyone a big hug ' . Frankly, I don't want to hug everyone upon command...and ill choose who (if any) that I want to hug ; there are people there that I would rather not get physically close to either because they've been coughing and sneezing all night long , or, because they are morbidly obese and most likely don't get hugged by guys much . I don't care to be their Fill In . So....now when the class adjourns, I either stay seated pretending that im looking over the class notes I took or I cross my arms in a seated position until the physical stuff comes to a close , then I leave. Others feel the same way as I do and some handle it like I do.

 

[blackribbon]

My love language is most likely "acts of service".

And David, you need to get over your repulsion of overweight people. There are plenty of overweight people...even morbidly obese people that are very well loved and get their touch needs met without needing to touch you. You are mixing up lonely and overweight..and yes, people can be both but they do not mean the same thing.

 

[dayhiker]

I once did a free hugs thing in downtown Boston. Most of course didn't want a hug. But it was interesting how some loved it and thought it was a really good thing to get a hug. I enjoyed giving the hugs and have often thought I should do that more often.

 

[blackribbon]

I have learned that the best position to find a radial pulse is to actually hold the person's hand with my opposite hand and it has always been a very "connecting" moment. I explain what I am doing when I do it, but then it never is awkward if I find I need to hold their hand to help them get through a more difficult procedure. Human touch matters.

 

[exitstageright]

Touch is my main love language.
I find touch to be very meaningful and adds so much to my life. I miss it when I don't get to touch or be touched. A hand shake is nice, a hug is nicer, but most of off these are so short that it doesn't really get the endorphins moving. Science says we need to hug for 20 seconds for that to start.
This is one of the reasons I love to give a massage. About an hour of massage does so much for us. Yet its amazing how many people are afraid to get a massage.

I could not have written what you wrote any better. Feelings can be just great without having sex. Touching, holding ,and caressing can be like a "methadone" for sex. That is why I love going to my meet ups.There is a lot of loving touching going on,but sexual touching is not allowed.
Not even married couples are allowed to touch each other sexually during our sessions. One can make someone feel very good by having someone clothes their eyes,while you gently massage their arms,and/or wave a piece of chocolate under their nose, and let them take a bite of chocolate.

 

[exitstageright]

I feel the exact same way. I've always been uncomfortable being touched by strangers or even those I know but not very well. I have never had a professional massage but I can't imagine it would be very relaxing since I would be tensed up the whole time. Kind of counterproductive I think. As far as missing my husband's touch or longing for it, I don't really think about that as much as other things. I miss more his smile and just having someone there to talk to and do things with. The loneliness gets to me.

You do not know what you are missing! Most people carry their tension between their shoulder blades. In the U.S. Navy Lab Technician School,we had to work 16 hour days, every 5 days for a year. On my days off, usually on Sundays, I would look forward to getting a good massage that would get me through the week. A Lab Tech job is the number 4 most stressful job in the country,especially if one works in the Blood Bank.A patient would need a transfusion very quickly. One has to cross match blood as fast as humanly possible. If one makes a mistake,a patient can die.Yet well all make mistakes,because we do not live in a perfect world. Air Traffic Controller is the number one most stressful job in the Country

 

[blackribbon]

You do not know what you are missing! Most people carry their tension between their shoulder blades. In the U.S. Navy Lab Technician School,we had to work 16 hour days, every 5 days for a year. On my days off, usually on Sundays, I would look forward to getting a good massage that would get me through the week. A Lab Tech job is the number 4 most stressful job in the country,especially if one works in the Blood Bank.A patient would need a transfusion very quickly. One has to cross match blood as fast as humanly possible. If one makes a mistake,a patient can die.Yet well all make mistakes,because we do not live in a perfect world. Air Traffic Controller is the number one most stressful job in the Country

I have been given free massage sessions and couldn't go. This would be a stressful situation and not a relaxing one.

 

[Eagle Of Oz]

I miss physical touch a lot. I miss "skin on skin". I'm an extremely affectionate person. I love holding hands etc, and really love having my hair brushed and played with. I love hugging people. Sometimes I'm not good with words, but hugging someone who feels safe with me, doesnt need words. I hug with my heart, if that makes sense. Tis hard to explain, but Ive had people say that my hugs are the best, because I *really* hug them. Ive also had people tell me NOT to hug them, because they know if I hug them, they will lose it, letting out whatever they have going on inside them, and they dont want to let it out.

When it comes to actually *receiving* from hugs, that doesnt happen very often for me. While I love hugging others, I dont usually get "filled" up by it, if that makes sense.

About 3 or so years ago, after a crappy first marriage where my sister was cheated on, and treated like absolute crap. She met and started dating someone. The relationship progressed, and about 12 months down the track they moved in together, and eventually got married. The way he looked at her, and still does, is just beautiful, and even now it makes me teary thinking about it. One night they went out for dinner, and my sister went up to the bar to get a drink. A lady she didnt know approached her and said, I wish my man looked at me the way yours looks at you. He just adores her. Wherever they go, they usually are holding hands.

One moment sticks in my mind. It was one of the most bittersweet moments for me, in regards to my sisters relationship with this man. I was sitting in the living room with them, watching a movie, and they were sitting really close on the couch holding hands. Seeing her so happy, and with a man who treated her with such love and respect, especially after what she had been through, was just so beautiful, and made me so happy. But at the same time, I had to fight back tears, because my heart ached to be treated like that, and to have a love like that. Even now, a few years down the track, and with the stresses of their work, her teenage sons etc, they still love to sit so they are touching, holding hands etc. I know three or so years isnt long, but I doubt it will change. They both not only love the physical contact, but know how important it is to maintain it.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

My love language is most likely "acts of service".

And David, you need to get over your repulsion of overweight people. There are plenty of overweight people...even morbidly obese people that are very well loved and get their touch needs met without needing to touch you. You are mixing up lonely and overweight..and yes, people can be both but they do not mean the same thing.

Thanks for your concern, but, when it comes to putting my Body in close contact with anothers...I reserve the right to decide if I want to do that , and, who I choose to do it with. I grant you the same right also.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Mama Dory I know what you mean! My girlfriend married her high school sweetheart and he adores her and will do anything for her. She is a sweetheart too. She had a really abusive father so I am happy she gets the love she does, but I long for it too.

David, you just have a way with being insulting. You can justify it any way you want to, but I think we all get it now that you don't like FAT people. So I would kindly ask you not to remind us of that in the future. We get it.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

..............

David, you just have a way with being insulting. You can justify it any way you want to, but I think we all get it now that you don't like FAT people. So I would kindly ask you not to remind us of that in the future. We get it.

To the contrary...I believe I was insulted by BlackRibbons post . As for fat people....I have friends who are fat ... in fact im overweight for my height and frame.

And...I shall still maintain my personal right to forego hugging ANYONE in a Group that I don't wish to and for whatever reason . I extend that same freedom to you and everyone else in such a circumstance.

Do you also get that ?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Loud and clear captain!