Totally not edgy jokes

[Alistair_Wonderland]

Here are some good ones to use on your friends.

You: "What's the difference between blue Gatorade and antifreeze?"
Friend: "I don't know."
You: "Well, that rules out (friend's name here) from getting the drinks."

You: "Why did the friends invite a mushroom to the party?"
Friend: "Why?"
You: "Because he was a fun guy!"
Wait a few second, then....
You: "Why did the police officer go to the party?"
Friend: "Why?"
You: "Because if somebody's inviting a mushroom to a party, you know they got into somethin' the shouldn't."

You: "Why did the monkey at the zoo fall over?"
Friend: "Why?"
You: "Because humans are cruel and... and... why did Harambe have to go that way? Why? Whyyyyy?!" *break down into uncontrollable sobbing*

 

[Sabertooth]

You: "Why did the monkey at the zoo fall over?"
Friend: "Why?"
You: "Because humans are cruel and... and... why did Harambe have to go that way? Why? Whyyyyy?!" *break down into uncontrollable sobbing*

You: "Why did the friends invite a mushroom to the party?"
Friend: "Why?"
You: "Because he was a fun guy!"

(You should meet the mushroom's girlfriend...

Fungal!)

 

[Freth]

Furthermore, a bunch of mushrooms should refer to themselves as fungus.

 

[DaisyDay]

Furthermore, a bunch of mushrooms should refer to themselves as fungus.

No, a single mushroom is a fungus while a bunch are fungi.

 

[Freth]

No, a single mushroom is a fungus while a bunch are fungi.

Oh man! How did I miss that one? And I knew it too. lol *sigh* Brain lapse I guess.

Actually, it was a setup. My brain was obviously mush and there was clearly room for more.

 

[tulc]

and to be fair...I'm not sure Gus is really all that fun...

tulc(slips quietly out the back)

 

[Sabertooth]

No, a single mushroom is a fungus while a bunch are fungi.

That might be true, but you are not a very fungal for pointing that out...

 

[DaisyDay]

That might be true, but you are not a very fungal for pointing that out...

Some would disagree - I have certainly been called worse than fungal.

 

[Der Alte]

Factual lead in to related joke.
A few years ago a "biker pastor" how he identified himself. He dressed and looked like a typical biker; long hair, beard, tats, levis, leather vest, boots etc. visited the church I attended, he said he went to a local church, which he would not identify, but was stopped in the foyer and told "You can't come in, you represent the world and we are separated from the world." or words to that affect.
Now the other story. A biker went into a mega church, he sat down and the members edged away from him. After the service the pastor stopped him at the door and said "Son if you come back to this church you should pray and ask God how you should dress when you come to this church." The next Sunday the biker was back, dressed just as before. The pastor stopped him and said "I thought I told you to pray and ask God how you should dress when you come to this church. The biker said "I did, God said He didn't know He has never been in this church"

 

[Amittai]

Is your parish riven by divisions? Amittai has the little known remedy to this common malady. If you seat the supralapsarians to the left of the aisle, and the infralapsarians to the right of the aisle, you will have harmony in your congregation! You read it here first!

 

[Amittai]

Q: What would you call the New Evangelisation Regulator?
A: Offmessage.
Q: What would you call the Transcendental Meditation Regulator?
A: The Om-budsman.
Q: What's a good name for a fusion restaurant?
A: Soy Capitan.

 

[Amittai]

The frogs, who believe in total immersion, have launched their "Save The Crocodiles Crusade".

Rumble from the jungle: the monkeys have started a Save The Humans Campaign