Torn

[Under_the_moon]

I do not like talking about this. I never talk about this. I have a son who is everything to me, my world and what holds me together. But divorced happened. My parents are old, pushing 90's. They can't cope on their own. My mother has altimeter and possibly dementia. My dad is together but not. They can't cope without me. My son is not close physically. I came to help but with covid and seeing how bad it is I've been here longer then expected. My son and I stay connected every day briefly. We cam when we can. I visit every few months but due to covid it has been a while. It is a flight to be with him not a drive. I have no life here taking care of my parents, no relationship to find and nothing. But they would not survive without me, they refuse to go to a nursing home. I tell myself my son is OK, we touch base every day.. but he is without a dad to be there regularly for him. It is not a matter of leaving and my parents would be fine, they would not survive. Stubborn as mules and I say that without laughing. I usually regret asking advice but I could have a life with my son and meet someone.. but I am here and no idea what God wants.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I do not like talking about this. I never talk about this. I have a son who is everything to me, my world and what holds me together. But divorced happened. My parents are old, pushing 90's. They can't cope on their own. My mother has altimeter and possibly dementia. My dad is together but not. They can't cope without me. My son is not close physically. I came to help but with covid and seeing how bad it is I've been here longer then expected. My son and I stay connected every day briefly. We cam when we can. I visit every few months but due to covid it has been a while. It is a flight to be with him not a drive. I have no life here taking care of my parents, no relationship to find and nothing. But they would not survive without me, they refuse to go to a nursing home. I tell myself my son is OK, we touch base every day.. but he is without a dad to be there regularly for him. It is not a matter of leaving and my parents would be fine, they would not survive. Stubborn as mules and I say that without laughing. I usually regret asking advice but I could have a life with my son and meet someone.. but I am here and no idea what God wants.

Do you have power of attorney over their affairs? I'm not in exactly the same position, but it is similar. I don't know Canada's system, but there is a lot of help available in Australia. Someone may be able to steer you through the maze of getting your parents into a nursing home - whether they want to or not.

It's not unusual for older people to be stubborn and resist change. However, they often adapt really well to a nursing home environment. They will get the care they need and you can have a break.

Is it possible for you at least to get a break? We have the possibility of respite carers at a pretty low cost. The problem is that carers will eventually break down physically and then what do they do?

We are told to honour our parents. Putting our own health at risk is not going to help them.

Lastly, it sounds like your son has become an idol. Put Jesus first in your life, depend on Him absolutely and wait for the miracles to come. They will.

 

[Under_the_moon]

I could walk away at any point aussie Pete. I could probably make a phone call and wipe my hands clean of it. But no. Anyway no I don't see my son as an idol.. he is my son. Of course he is the most important thing on earth to me. That doesn't extinguish Christ from the picture, its simply saying my son is everything to me in this world. God is far beyond this world to start with. He created an infinite universe. Do you really think God wants me to see my son the same way I see my pickup truck? Or my parents for that matter. Miracles are for fairy tales my friend.. take a look at the world! Rape, racism, torture and anarchy all around!! I am not knocking God i love him but open your eyes man, we chose our own life! Seriously

 

[1watchman]

I do not know your real relationship with God, but since I know and have been trusting Him for over 60 years, I know He never fails His children. If we include Him in our life journey we will be blessed and helped ---many have found this apart from religious reasonings which man might have.

When one has a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus (John 14:6) they can walk and talk with Him daily and be led as to what to do and how to handles life's troubles. He clearly loves us! I found this out years ago, and Jesus is my best Friend, beside Savior for Heaven.
This is not ignoring your weary burdens, friend, and I would be glad to discuss personal and private issues if you would like to write me privately. I have dealt with such things before. I will be praying for you!

 

[Under_the_moon]

Trust me, I know scripture. Name a verse. I've given everything to Jesus and have no regret. That is not my issue. I am torn between two things. Parents and son. I've been reading scripture, praying and just asked opinions on that. It feels like I am at a witches trial being burned alive for loving my family lol. How about this.. let he who is without sin cast the fist stone.

 

[public hermit]

I do not like talking about this. I never talk about this. I have a son who is everything to me, my world and what holds me together. But divorced happened. My parents are old, pushing 90's. They can't cope on their own. My mother has altimeter and possibly dementia. My dad is together but not. They can't cope without me. My son is not close physically. I came to help but with covid and seeing how bad it is I've been here longer then expected. My son and I stay connected every day briefly. We cam when we can. I visit every few months but due to covid it has been a while. It is a flight to be with him not a drive. I have no life here taking care of my parents, no relationship to find and nothing. But they would not survive without me, they refuse to go to a nursing home. I tell myself my son is OK, we touch base every day.. but he is without a dad to be there regularly for him. It is not a matter of leaving and my parents would be fine, they would not survive. Stubborn as mules and I say that without laughing. I usually regret asking advice but I could have a life with my son and meet someone.. but I am here and no idea what God wants.

I'm sorry you're going through this. This sounds like a difficult, kind of catch 22, situation. How old is your son?

 

[Under_the_moon]

It is extremely difficult. I feel bad for getting on edge.. touchy subject that's why I don't mention it.. or didn't. My son is 10.

 

[public hermit]

It is extremely difficult. I feel bad for getting on edge.. touchy subject that's why I don't mention it.. or didn't. My son is 10.

Yes, that's young. I was thinking maybe he was of age to handle himself. I'm sorry. That's hard. Is there no way to bring him with you? I don't know how much you really want to talk about this, so no worries.

 

[Under_the_moon]

He is with his mom and she is a good mom.. lousy wife but good mom. No, I wouldn't even try to take him from her.

 

[Under_the_moon]

It is hard.

 

[Under_the_moon]

Covid.. screwed everything. At least there was a routine before to be with him.

 

[public hermit]

If his mom is good, which is good, then you can't go wrong caring for your parents. So long as he is well cared for, they need you. When we love someone, we want what is best for them. When we encounter a situation where what is best tears us between two very good things, we have to find a middle. He needs care and they need care. It sounds like (and I am just some dude on the internet, so grain of salt) it sounds like you are doing the best you can. He is being cared for and your parents are being cared for. I wish you didn't have to feel the pain of being separated from your son. And, hopefully, that can be remedied. Things with Covid will start to settle down. But, as things stand, you are doing great. The people who need to be cared for are being cared for. That's what love does. It won't last forever.

 

[Under_the_moon]

Thank you public hermit. My mom helped make me the Christian I am.. she never stopped believing in me and my dad too. They just are just not who they were. Shells now to be blunt. But I love them so much. My son is in good hands during this but he misses me so much. That is what makes it hard. Thank you for not preaching but giving advise. It means a lot.

 

[Michie]

My advice is take care of your parents. They raised you and I completely understand them not wanting to be institutionalized in a nursing home. I have worked and volunteered in them. That is the absolute last resort. Could they live with you? If not, you just need to to the best you can. Even if it means a phone call everyday to your son. I know it’s easy to give advice and the technicalities only you could know. But you seem to be a very empathetic person, so you need support too. Maybe talking to a professional to discuss your quandaries with? You can feel supported and just go from there as far as the advice. Be sure to take care of yourself in the meantime. People need you. I know it stinks to feel so alone and juggling so much but I think what people need to know the most during this turbulent time in your life is that you love them. You are there for them and you are doing the best that you can to love them. But you are only one person. Prayers for you!

 

[Under_the_moon]

Thank you Michie what you said means a lot.

 

[Under_the_moon]

Any advise on finding a woman? Lol!! Just kidding you rock.

 

[Michie]

Thank you Michie what you said means a lot.

I’m here to support you friend. I know you are in a really difficult situation. All you can do is the best you can. Just remember as long as your son is safe and you can communicate with him daily... he will most likely be here longer than your parents. Just do the best you can. The Lord knows your heart. Try to reveal it to others under your circumstances.

 

[Michie]

Any advise on finding a woman? Lol!! Just kidding you rock.

Believe me. You are going to find someone. Don’t rush it. Be sure. She needs to be good for your son too.

 

[Under_the_moon]

Thank you, I needed to hear i am not a bad dad for being here. And thank you for believing ill find a woman. I'll give you my number incase you know someone. Lol thank you for understanding I use humor to get by. Not many people do. You are an awesome friend. Non judgmental but realistic. That is a true friend!

 

[Michie]

Thank you, I needed to hear i am not a bad dad for being here. And thank you for believing ill find a woman. I'll give you my number incase you know someone. Lol thank you for understanding I use humor to get by. Not many people do. You are an awesome friend. Non judgmental but realistic. That is a true friend!

You are a sweet guy. Hang in there. There will come a time where you may look back on this tough time and thank God. He tends to surprise us in the most difficult places. Get some rest and try not to fret. Your heart is in the right place. Your only job is to let everyone else know it.