• Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

  • CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.

too young?

Status
Not open for further replies.

jay_swift

Active Member
Oct 28, 2003
321
7
Misery
✟22,998.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I'm sure this question has been asked many times, but I want a specific answer to my case.

OK so heres the setup: I'm a guy. With me so far? Ok. There is a girl, shes either 16 or 17 that likes me. It's painfully obvious. I've seen the signs of attraction before, and she's showing them all.

So I am 20, 21 isn't too far off mind you. I consider myself a mature fellow, too. Usually I am attracted to older, more mature women (not THAT much older, but older mind you). In this case however, I feel myself attracted to this young lady. She is extremely attractive too. I think "hot" is the word.

Now here's where it gets interesting. I wouldn't date a girl this young as a rule - at least not yet. 4 years is a big difference at this age. She is a senior in high school and I am a junior in college.

She acts like a typical high school girl, full of energy and stories, but she also hangs out with kind of the wrong crowd. She has had experiences with drugs and drinking, like most high school kids, but I fear with her good looks that she might be taken advantage of. So here's where I come in. I could hang out with this girl and steer her in the right direction. I am a great Christian role model, and I think I could show this girl you can be cool without drugs, drinking, and sex.

My fear, however, is that it might seem to others that I am leading her on. Would I be, since I have already stated I am attracted to her in one way or another? Also, some of my friends wouldn't approve of me dating someone so young. So tell me, daters of CF, should I use my good looks and charm to help this young lady - risking the possibility of looking bad in the eyes of my friends? Or should I turn her down and hope she doesn't stumble down the wrong path?
 

Blank123

Legend
Dec 6, 2003
30,062
3,897
✟71,875.00
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Married
I agree with mr. Cheese. You can be her friend, and help steer her in the right direction, I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. However I think you should wait a few years before you try to start a romantic relationship with her. besides the age difference , it sounds to me like she may not be mature enough yet to handle a real relationsip.
 
Upvote 0

jenptcfan

My cup runneth over
Jun 15, 2002
9,999
568
47
✟14,996.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
jay_swift said:
but imagine the influence I would have on her if we were dating! Is there not a better way to change someone for the good? And I may find out that she's perfect for me once I get to know her. How can I pass up this opprotunity?
I think it's wrong to go into a relationship with the mindset that you're going to change her. It is not your job to change her. You should be a good, Christian influence for her, just like you should be for anyone else.

I personally think the age difference is a big deal at this point in your lives. You two are at different points in your lives right now. Maybe when she's a few years older, it won't be such a big deal, but right now it is a big deal.

Be a friend to her, be an example for her, etc., but don't try to mold her into who you want her to be as a girlfriend.

If she's headed down the wrong path, you have an obligation as a Christian to encourage her to follow Godly principles, but do that as her friend.
 
Upvote 0

California Dreamin'

Crazy Cat Lady
Site Supporter
Mar 30, 2004
31,647
857
39
Nova Scotia, Canada
✟105,465.00
Faith
Un. Church of CA
Marital Status
Engaged
Well 17 and 23.. what's the difference??
I'll be 18 and that guy is 24. We still like each other a lot & he wants to get back together. He lives in the USA and I live in Canada.
He was supposed to come to my prom but he can't.
 
Upvote 0

TheDatelessLoserX2

Professional Singleton
May 13, 2004
186
7
42
O'fallon, Illinois
✟22,851.00
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Single
Beware of missionary dating, I know your intentions of changing her are good, but most of the time you end up the one changed. I have experienced this firsthand, and considering her age, dating is not a great idea. I have a friend who wants to date a younger girl as well, and he has decided, that while he likes her, he is going to wait until she turns 18 (he is 19) and see what happens between now and then. If he still feels the way he does about her, then it is meant to be, if not, then it is not.
 
Upvote 0
Status
Not open for further replies.