Too nice???

[lady_of_god]

Hello everyone,

I was wondering if you thought a person could be "too nice". It seems that at times I put alot of thought and effort into people. I'll go out of my way to check on and see how another person is doing (i'll call, e-mail, and/or visit) and it seems like the sentiment is never ever, ever, ever returned by almost everyone i know.... Just the simple "how are you doing?" I hardly ever get asked. I just like to be nice and kind to people but sometimes I feel like giving up and keeping to myself. Ultimately I go back to being nice little-old-me after a day or so (or even a few hours) later and see how everyone is.

...What do you think?

-Lady

 

[MrDude]

I used to be like you, I was incredibly and ridiculously nice. It was genuine too. I really wanted to go out of my way to help people. But, because of that I was also an extreme pushover, so now I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum, I'm a complete jerk. Oh well, at least now people don't walk all over me, so I'm content.

 

[Tink]

I think you have to find a nice balance. Isn't what Christ did for us "too nice?"

In His love,
Tink

 

[jab6q]

Hello everyone,

I was wondering if you thought a person could be "too nice". It seems that at times I put alot of thought and effort into people. I'll go out of my way to check on and see how another person is doing (i'll call, e-mail, and/or visit) and it seems like the sentiment is never ever, ever, ever returned by almost everyone i know.... Just the simple "how are you doing?" I hardly ever get asked. I just like to be nice and kind to people but sometimes I feel like giving up and keeping to myself. Ultimately I go back to being nice little-old-me after a day or so (or even a few hours) later and see how everyone is.

...What do you think?

-Lady

I understand where you coming from, I have the same issues with being nice to people and later I feel like they not being nice back. A lot of people take kindness for weakness. Sometimes I wanna keep off to myself, but I try to think ...........What Would Jesus Do?

 

[lady_of_god]

I guess keeping in the frame of mind of "what would Jesus do?" keeps me being nice to people daily. It's just so irritating at times. I don't want to blow people off and start being cruel... that's simply not me but at the same time I would like a little acknowledgement... I just would like the thought to be reciprocated somedays you know?


Yay my 2000th post

-Lady

 

[BeautyForAshes]

I am guilting of being too nice. People either take it as being "weak" or if its a guy, that I'm hitting on him.

I'm just geuinely a nice person - I can't help it. I really do believe in being a blessing to someone else even in the smallest way (ie a nice email, a few kind words, saying "hi") because you never really know who you will affect.

I hope yall don't mind, but this thread reminds me of this story......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friend tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.

We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with my friends and I. He said yes. We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Dag boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others

 

[fishstix]

It's easy to be nice when people are nice back. But it's a challenge to be nice when people aren't nice in return. Yet, that's usually the right thing to do. I think the following passage applies:

Luke 6:32-36

"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

 

[jab6q]

I guess keeping in the frame of mind of "what would Jesus do?" keeps me being nice to people daily. It's just so irritating at times. I don't want to blow people off and start being cruel... that's simply not me but at the same time I would like a little acknowledgement... I just would like the thought to be reciprocated somedays you know?


Yay my 2000th post

-Lady

i feel ya

 

[Jeremiah31_3]

I have the same problem, lady of god. And i think it'll realyl show your character if you continue the way that you are. It may seem at times that you aren't responded to. That noone seems gracious for what you are doing. But people notice, regardless of what it seems people will notice, but most importantly, god who see's all things will look down on you, and he'll smile. It's a challenge being nice to those who aren't back to you, but noone ever said that the christian walk would be easy and if you pull through with it, one day, you'll get your reward for it, whether in this life, or when you get to heaven. Don't ever stop being nice to people, show the love that jesus has for you to everyone else. That's the major thing to do. God bless.

 

[mina]

Why are you nice? To get rewarded? To get something back? or to be like Christ?
I know it feels really bad to be nice to others when they are mean and rotten back, but that's not why we should be nice to others. there needs to be a balance between being a doormat and being a jerk. It's possible to be nice and not let people run all over you. Maybe "nice" isn't the right word, maybe "kind" is.

 

[SDSUMarcus01]

.

 

[micaela]

I think you have to find a nice balance. Isn't what Christ did for us "too nice?"

In His love,
Tink

Wonderful post Tink. I second you.

 

[lady_of_god]

That's a very nice story Beauty... thanks for sharing it

I'm just genuinely nice... it's always been in my character. I was told that as an infant I had a nurse that favored me and I would stay up and keep her company through the night(a habit of mine to this day with friends i'm close to or need my help). I can remember being 5 years old and hating peanut butter cookies, but because I knew my mother took so much time to bake them I told her i loved them and garbled down the cookies because i didn't want to hurt her feelings lol. My second name was sweetheart to all the adults when i was a kid, and now it's "Angel" to those who know me. It's just one of those traits I've always had.

I feel like i'm ignored somedays, and I get angry sometimes. I feel like i'm better off alone and that no one has good intentions. Then i'll forgive and go back to treating people with kindness and figure "they just had a bad day" or something. I love people... and I try to see the good in everyone and treat then with the respect I hope to receive sometime.

It's just tough i guess... i don't want to turn into a jerk because no one deserves to be treated poorly. I don't know.. guess i need to find a sturdy balance...

-Lady.

 

[rhssm]

Hello everyone,

I was wondering if you thought a person could be "too nice". It seems that at times I put alot of thought and effort into people. I'll go out of my way to check on and see how another person is doing (i'll call, e-mail, and/or visit) and it seems like the sentiment is never ever, ever, ever returned by almost everyone i know.... Just the simple "how are you doing?" I hardly ever get asked. I just like to be nice and kind to people but sometimes I feel like giving up and keeping to myself. Ultimately I go back to being nice little-old-me after a day or so (or even a few hours) later and see how everyone is.

...What do you think?

-Lady

I understand exactly how you feel, lady_of_god. I feel your pain . It can be really frustrating because, because of this, often times I feel I really can't relate to a lot of people in that particular sense and sometimes I feel taken for granted or just like we're on different levels or something. I think everyone needs someone they can relate to... who's on the same wavelength... in the matters that mean the most to them and that's why this is so frustrating. There don't seem to be that many that think the way you and I do - or I wouldn't have as hard of a time finding others like me . Sometimes I feel like it's a curse, but of course, I always end up reminding myself that it's really a blessing.

I completely understand your feeling like giving up and keeping to yourself.. I've felt this way at times too, and began to distance myself from others for a semester and a half about a year and a half ago. I was a mess. I had given up on people completely and no longer had the desire to reach out to or to even really have a real relationship with anyone. I was skeptical about people in general, just because I'd been hurt by several people who, I felt, I had been a great friend to. It's alright now though. I've got good people I consider real friends again... but sometimes I still get frustrated.

Even though I'm always trying to help others, I don't allow people to take advantage of me. When I was in highschool, I was more niave, so I probably did get taken advantage of sometimes back then. But now I can sense it a mile away and I don't take that from people. Yeah, I agree, there is a happy medium.. and it's good to try to find that happy medium.

 

[SDSUMarcus01]

.

 

[london boy]

I know where you're coming from. I've been through the same all my life. I had a major struggle with this issue which left me totally disillusioned for a while. Why? Because I felt really hurt that whilst I was giving so much to my friends, they weren't giving much back. However, why should I (we) change? People should accept us for who we are. Being nice is who we are and we should always seek to give our best to those around us.

 

[Carri20]

I was wondering if you thought a person could be "too nice". It seems that at times I put alot of thought and effort into people. I'll go out of my way to check on and see how another person is doing (i'll call, e-mail, and/or visit) and it seems like the sentiment is never ever, ever, ever returned by almost everyone i know.... Just the simple "how are you doing?" I hardly ever get asked. I just like to be nice and kind to people but sometimes I feel like giving up and keeping to myself. Ultimately I go back to being nice little-old-me after a day or so (or even a few hours) later and see how everyone is.

Sounds like God made you an extrovert! There's nothing wrong with that, in fact I would consider it a gift if I had it. But maybe some of the people you're dealing with are introverts. Introverts like to keep to themselves most of the time, and if there's contact to be made, they usually like to make it. They don't like to be checked up on because it drains them. That's just the way they are. Of course, I can't speak for all introverts...only myself and the ones I'm related to or friends with.

 

[LoG]

A couple of things I've discovered in life.
There are givers and takers. I'm a giver and as a result I attract to me Takers. The more extreme type of Giver I am the more extreme Taker I'll attract.
After some soul-searching I came to realize that I was uncomfortable with other Givers. I had problems taking compliments, support, help etc. It made me uncomfortable even though I wanted it. Being a Giver gives me a sense of control over situations and people. As a result I had very few Givers in my life since I was uncomfortable with them and they could sense that.
I started to look at what codependency meant and through some of the stuff I learned about it, am moving to a more balanced perspective.

Feel free to pm me if you'd like.

 

[lady_of_god]

ARGH... I guess I'm just sick of being taken for granted and always feeling like I not only have to be nice, but the responsible one. In that group of friends it always felt like I had to be the mature one.

My feelings exactly... its like you always have to be the "mature one" or "bigger person". For once it would be nice if someone else made an attempt to be kind. Of course that doesn't happen, and then your left with the duty. My naturally inclination for peace, love and respect kicks in and I feel like a real pushover for being so kind some days.

There don't seem to be that many that think the way you and I do - or I wouldn't have as hard of a time finding others like me . Sometimes I feel like it's a curse, but of course, I always end up reminding myself that it's really a blessing.

I have to remind myself how it's a blessing. It gets to be very lonely for the most part because it seems like when you need someone, no one is there. Most of the time I think "i'm single and probably will stay that way... not by choice but because there is no one on the same wavelength as me". I noticed that our type takes the time to meet a person on there level but they don't seen to reciprocate that same action.

A couple of things I've discovered in life.
There are givers and takers. I'm a giver and as a result I attract to me Takers. The more extreme type of Giver I am the more extreme Taker I'll attract.

I guess i am a giver maybe also to the extreme maybe. I love to help people because you never know what someone is going through.

It's really great to know it's others out there like me... I feel your pain everyone.

-Lady.

 

[rhssm]

A couple of things I've discovered in life.
There are givers and takers. I'm a giver and as a result I attract to me Takers. The more extreme type of Giver I am the more extreme Taker I'll attract.
After some soul-searching I came to realize that I was uncomfortable with other Givers. I had problems taking compliments, support, help etc. It made me uncomfortable even though I wanted it. Being a Giver gives me a sense of control over situations and people. As a result I had very few Givers in my life since I was uncomfortable with them and they could sense that.
I started to look at what codependency meant and through some of the stuff I learned about it, am moving to a more balanced perspective.

Feel free to pm me if you'd like.

I love your perspective on givers and takers. I too, strongly feel that people fall into one of these two categories... or sometimes are a mixture of both. You're right - I never thought of it like that: how ever much of a Giver you are will attract the type of Taker who is the same amount on the other end... this makes sense. I also know what you mean about being uncomfortable around other Givers. For me, I don't normally mind people giving to me, because I don't consider myself an extreme Giver (who would probably really have a problem with it), but I definitely lean more towards giving than taking. As far as being uncomfortable around extreme Givers.. I can be. It's because I like to do things on my own most of the time and if I really need someone's help I'll definitely be asking.. if I don't need help, I won't ask. I just don't normally beat around the bush... I just say what I mean or want. I don't usually have a problem with friends helping me, unless it's to a very extreme amount - when it's something I could easily do on my own, but for some reason, family members constantly asking if they need to do something for me really bugs me... it's almost (for me) like a slap in the face that I can't do it on my own. If I need help, I'll usually just ask. I know that's not what they're necessarily trying to say, but it's just how it feels when it's something simple (which it usually is very simple things) that I'd have no problem doing on my own. I know it's not really good to feel this way, but I naturally do .