Too nice???

[waterbear]

A couple of things I've discovered in life.
There are givers and takers. I'm a giver and as a result I attract to me Takers. The more extreme type of Giver I am the more extreme Taker I'll attract.
After some soul-searching I came to realize that I was uncomfortable with other Givers. I had problems taking compliments, support, help etc. It made me uncomfortable even though I wanted it. Being a Giver gives me a sense of control over situations and people. As a result I had very few Givers in my life since I was uncomfortable with them and they could sense that.
I started to look at what codependency meant and through some of the stuff I learned about it, am moving to a more balanced perspective.

Feel free to pm me if you'd like.

There's a paradigm that only one side's going to acknowledge

I think it often varies from relationship to relationship or from situation to situation. An example from a relationship standpoint is that if you're more interested in someone else then they are in you, you're probabling going to go out of your way more (be nice) on their behalf than vise versa. An example from a situational point of view is that a stingy but outgoing person has no problems doing favors in a social scene, but may balk when a favor involves money.

Another thing I'd consider, which is more overall than the above, is how a person responds in general to other people. I've often noticed that the not-emotionally-inclined tend to be literal and blunt - if they want you to act on something they'll say as much. Naturally, these people usually assume if you want them to act on something, you'll say as much. Then there are the people who try to read between the lines and act on their readings. They assume they know what other people would like them to act on, even though the other person never said as much. They also often assume they don't need to say what they'd like someone else todo - hinting is sufficient (of course, they don't see themselves as hinting, they'd have no trouble personally reading what they're saying).

Anyway, I definately don't see the world as a set of givers and takers.

 

[waterbear]

Another point, brought up in another thread, is expectations. If you're usually nice to someone, it's natural that they'll expect you to be nice to them and respond negatively when you aren't. If you're usually nasty to someone, it's natural that they'll expect you to be nasty to them and respond positively if you aren't. Basically, expectations create a situation where acts of kindness or acts of indifference have diminishing effects. Thus, the person who's typically nice will disappoint when he/she isn't nice, and the person who's typically not nice won't have much effect when he/she isn't nice. Thus the circumstance where a nice person needs to be continually nice to maintain "status quo" in his/her relationships.

Of course, people who are nice more often than not make better company more often than not. The nice thing about this, you're generally looked upon as a good person. The bad thing about this, even more pressure to be nice.

 

[JPPT1974]

Sounds like God made you an extrovert! There's nothing wrong with that, in fact I would consider it a gift if I had it. But maybe some of the people you're dealing with are introverts. Introverts like to keep to themselves most of the time, and if there's contact to be made, they usually like to make it. They don't like to be checked up on because it drains them. That's just the way they are. Of course, I can't speak for all introverts...only myself and the ones I'm related to or friends with.

God makes all people different. I am introverted most of the time, but onece you get to know me, I am down to earth & friendly. I tend to mind my own business and keep to myself and don't like to be checked up upon myself. But that is just me and my opinion.

 

[stormgade4]

To the OP, on the flip side, being courteous to women usually ends with contempt towards me.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I get walked on by anyone and everyone. I try to keep to myself and be a total jerk but it never lasts. I end up calling someone or visiting. However, lately I've found myself mouthing off to total strangers because of their lack of manners or my displeasure by the way I'm treated vs. the person next to me. I just sometimes think I really hate people and that they are all evil. But...something makes me act friendly sometimes too. I really, really, really wish I could retire to another planet or something. I really don't get humans.