To use or not to use online dating?

[timf]

What are peoples thoughts on online dating (or in particular using it to find a companion who is already a believer).

I thought I would give some of my thoughts and experiences here to see if they might be helpful.

I was raised a Lutheran but walked away from the Lord until I was 30. I slowly started to read the Bible and seek a closer relationship with Jesus. I met my wife in a Sunday school class about Bible doctrine. We were married when I was 43 and she was 37.

I had tried various penpal ways of meeting people (no Internet then) prior to meeting my wife. I found that many people mean quite different things when they call themselves "Christian".

Now that our children are just starting to get to the age of wanting to meet someone who could be a marriage candidate, I am looking at the process as a father. I think up until about 100 years ago most people found their families more involved in this process. This wasn't always helpful, but to have others who love and care about you thinking about introducing you to possible candidates may have more going for it than being left totally on your own.

One problem is that as a Christian, we almost always find ourselves "swimming against the stream". Our larger society is rapidly becoming un-Christian and even anti-Christian. As a result there are fewer and fewer people that seek the same things we do. Real love is selflessness (1 Corinthians 13). Our society excels at promoting selfishness.

Another problem we often face is that many churches follow closely after the world. As a result we can find people in our own church who are as worldly as anyone who is not a Christian. For many of these people a "relationship" may last a night a week or a month but the idea of building a family and a marriage that lasts a lifetime is often something that seems alien to them.

I have taken a look at some of the various "courtship" web sites around (as an alternative to dating) and I find that they usually carry with it some kind of doctrinal regimentation or just a description of a process but fall short of providing a mechanism to describe how this alternative would be carried out.

I was wondering if a web site that provided a mechanism for serious Christian families to present themselves as interested in corresponding with other Christian families might be a low impact way for those seeking marriage to meet possible candidates and get to know them.

Internet dating seems to be a person to person mechanism. Does anyone think a "family to family" mechanism would be of any alternative value.

 

[JojotheBeloved]

What are peoples thoughts on online dating (or in particular using it to find a companion who is already a believer).

Im a alright looking 25 y.o guy who doesnt struggle to find the opposite sex but finding someone who has strong christian values (aka small to no drinking etc) at our age group is rather dificult. I probably dont go to the right places to find these women but then im not going to visit every church in the country to either

Ive been thinking of using online dating (my job also sometimes takes me from home for up to a week or so every so often) as another resort but wanted to know peoples opinions or experiences.

Turning 25 last week feeling like im getting at that age already lol

First, as a female in your age group and also a pastor observing youth and young adults as I work in those ministries, just a tip- church is not the best place to find someone to date. Church sponsored groups are great, but actual church meetings/services aren't usually.

Online can be fun. There's a need to be careful, since you don't always know that the person on the other end is being honest or not, but it's a helpful way to find/meet people you might not otherwise come in contact with (thus broadening the net).

I tried online dating once. Although I did not meet my current bf online, I still consider the experience a success since I learned a great deal about myself and what I want out of life and out of relationships. I also had great fun getting to know and flirt with guys. It helped me emotionally too because I was getting the attention I needed during a stressful time finishing college. I walked away from the experience a better person and I met a great friend on the site I used that I still keep in contact with even though we're not romantically interested in each other anymore. If you're going to do it, know that it does cost a monthly fee at most sites. Also, a great tip that I learned from the friend I mentioned - be open minded, be frankly (sometimes even brutally) honest, and ask for a phone number to call as soon as you can without giving off the stalker vibe (so like 3 online chats and then go ahead once you know the other person is interested). This way you can get to know the person faster and with more authenticity. Besides, it was fun to get texts and calls from my friend when we were feeling out the relationship online. Skype is also a great tool if the other person is long-distance (which is more likely to happen online).

As far as finding someone who has strong Christian values, that you won't know until you get to know the person you're interested in. I've learned in my dating experiences (both online and in person) that just because someone goes to church or calls themselves Christian doesn't mean they have the same values as you or that they'll have a deep spiritual connection with God or with you (even if their relationship with God is great they might not fit with you that well). This doesn't change online or in person. Online just gives you a broader range to find someone you're looking for. It doesn't take out the time involved in getting to know someone and find out if they're a good match or not.

Good luck.

 

[JojotheBeloved]

...I was wondering if a web site that provided a mechanism for serious Christian families to present themselves as interested in corresponding with other Christian families might be a low impact way for those seeking marriage to meet possible candidates and get to know them.

Internet dating seems to be a person to person mechanism. Does anyone think a "family to family" mechanism would be of any alternative value.

I don't know of anything existing like this. I honestly don't think I would like it if it did. I guess the value of the "family to family" approach would depend on your family.

I know a lot of my friends don't want their families to introduce them to their potential dating/marriage partner because their families have control issues. Their parents want to continue to control their adult children's lives and that doesn't seem like it would help to add that dynamic in greater strength by using a "family to family" mechanism.

My family doesn't have a lot of control issues, but my parents and siblings don't always recognize that my tastes and needs may be different from their own. They tell me to behave and think in ways that would make them happy instead of ways that I need to be happy. They also sometimes try to tell me what's best for me without really considering who I am now, rather than who I was when I was a teenager. For these reasons I purposefully didn't want to date at all until I had moved out of my parents' house, so that I could make up my own mind without the preconceptions and judgments of my family (although well-meaning are not always helpful).

I think in general, the best thing families can do to support and help their grown children find a spouse is to support their child's development as a human being. Someone who is confident, competent, and spiritually strong are much more able to function on their own and make wise decisions on their own. They're also more attractive to other people. Although we need the support and advice of our elders, parents, guardians, mentors, we also need to know we are competent adults and part of that is having the responsibility and freedom to choose our life long partner.

 

[Observer]

I met my husband online, but not on a dating site. I don't like the idea of dating sites, but I'm sure it works out well for some people. I just like accidental relationships that form from friendships - I don't like being around men who are actively (and often desperately) seeking a partner

 

[russianorth]

I met my husband online, but not on a dating site. I don't like the idea of dating sites, but I'm sure it works out well for some people. I just like accidental relationships that form from friendships - I don't like being around men who are actively (and often desperately) seeking a partner

This is usually because the accidental friends turning into more thing is not working out for them.

 

[Maka]

I met my husband online, but not on a dating site. I don't like the idea of dating sites, but I'm sure it works out well for some people. I just like accidental relationships that form from friendships - I don't like being around men who are actively (and often desperately) seeking a partner

I agree! I would never use a dating site.

 

[russianorth]

[/b]

I agree! I would never use a dating site.

Women who get little or no attention from men like it. They should have an online dating site that is only for lower average or below average women for men who are tired of the women that are tired of them.

 

[Unix]

You are generalizing. I'm good at religion, I really care for friends and have empathy. I'm not highly educated but I'm in uni. I'm nice to my parents. I have weaknesses such as that I don't have half a dozen of vehicles - especially not assembled ones, or a normal size garage but I wouldn't settle for a girl, not even just as a friend and buddy, who's not good at languages or psychology.
I'm this normal guy, not beyond average except perhaps that I like prose and that I have slightly better than average looks. The problem is I'm too normal, I don't have that much humour at least not that would show in the beginning, or muscles. I used to have muscles and that was when I met a really great woman online (not on a dating site) whom I'm still friends with, but can't work like that anymore because the commuter train company blew up my City garage:

They should have an online dating site that is only for lower average or below average women for men who are tired of the women that are tired of them.

I'm not gonna pay much for dating sites and perhaps not use anti-Christian sites as I'm living in the most Atheistic City in the world.

 

[coachcj]

it has its pros and cons, just like being introduced to someone or meeting someone at your church or neighbor store. Meeting online is nothing but an interface used to bring people together. You are expected to do all due diligence just as in any other case.

 

[Saved By Jesus Christ]

What are peoples thoughts on online dating (or in particular using it to find a companion who is already a believer).

Im a alright looking 25 y.o guy who doesnt struggle to find the opposite sex but finding someone who has strong christian values (aka small to no drinking etc) at our age group is rather dificult. I probably dont go to the right places to find these women but then im not going to visit every church in the country to either

Ive been thinking of using online dating (my job also sometimes takes me from home for up to a week or so every so often) as another resort but wanted to know peoples opinions or experiences.

Turning 25 last week feeling like im getting at that age already lol

mmm im not as old as you so i dont feel your urgency but I am a 20 and single. I do not find the internet the best place to find a girl. Honestly I dont believe in searching. I think that you should just live life and do the things you love and one day you will randomly meet that girl. theres a time for everything. just pray on it and believe that God will answer

 

[SH89]

What are peoples thoughts on online dating (or in particular using it to find a companion who is already a believer).

Online dating? Well, I met my beautiful and sweet wife through Christianmingle, an online dating website so I can vouch for it.

It's a great medium because you can meet people with similar beliefs and values that you wouldn't necessarily meet in your everyday life. My wife lived an hour and a half away from me when we first started dating; there was no way we could have met through our normal everyday affairs.

I say go for it! My wife who I met through online dating is far above any woman I met/dated in my everyday life.

 

[russianorth]

Online dating is barely adequate which is better than trying to find women in my day to day life.