Thoughts on using dating strategies?

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

It seems to me we live in a time where if you aren't using some type of strategy you are going to be way behind when it comes to finding a mate. It sounds like reading up on dating theory can help shorten the learning process that comes through years of failure. This seems like a great idea especially for people who struggle with finding someone. I may read some strategy, but not to use it, more so in case I run into a strategy I will be aware of it and get away from that person. I personally think dating strategies while seemingly necessary to become aware of who you are dealing with are good to know about but ruin the authenticity of a relationship. So like its good to be aware of psychopathic traits and signs and other personality disorders so you can know who to avoid I think I would read up on dating strategy here so if someone is using it I can quickly know to stay away from that person because I don't want to be with anyone who is doing such a thing. I just want natural regular conversations and experiences.

 

[Gell]

Hire a PI
But seriously I think it’s best to go with someone endorsed from friends and/or relatives.
That way, you’ll know for sure

 

[Emli]

As a single Christian the best and maybe even the only thing you should do is to ask God to make you into someone who will be a good husband, someone who will provide for his family and be faithful and good to his wife every day in every way, putting her first and lifting her up as Christ does for the Church, and then wait until He has prepared you for being in a relationship, and then find a woman to marry. Because you cannot change anyone else, but you can allow God to change you. No dating theories will help you, only God will. He will help you discern who will be a good wife or not, but you have to want to become a good husband who will serve his wife more than wanting to have a good wife who will serve you.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

As a single Christian the best and maybe even the only thing you should do is to ask God to make you into someone who will be a good husband, someone who will provide for his family and be faithful and good to his wife every day in every way, putting her first and lifting her up as Christ does for the Church, and then wait until He has prepared you for being in a relationship, and then find a woman to marry. Because you cannot change anyone else, but you can allow God to change you. No dating theories will help you, only God will. He will help you discern who will be a good wife or not, but you have to want to become a good husband who will serve his wife more than wanting to have a good wife who will serve you.

I don't think its a bad idea to become aware of any potential strategies out there, not to use them to get a spouse but so you don't fall for them yourselves. You can trust in God yet be knowledgeable about what others in the world around you are doing.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Learning strategies that people are using isn't so you can use them against someone else but so you don't get manipulated by them.

 

[Emli]

But how will dating strategies help you have a strong God-centered Christian marriage?

Manipulation comes from the father of lies, and the only cure is the Truth of God, Godly wisdom and God-given discernment, or else you're only using manipulation yourself. My advice would be to just stay out of the dating game, and focus on Christ and becoming like Christ.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

But how will dating strategies help you have a strong God-centered Christian marriage?

How will being ignorant of someone using strategies against me help me have a God centered marriage if I know i married someone who used manipulation tactics to attract me to them?

 

[Emli]

How will being ignorant of someone using strategies against me help me have a God centered marriage if I know i married someone who used manipulation tactics to attract me to them?

That isn't my point at all. What I am saying is that you have to focus on being firmly rooted in Christ before you even consider dating. He will protect you and open your eyes, and give you wisdom and discernment. And He will also make sure that once you do find a wife, that you will be faithful and honest to her. If you do this, you can trust that the marriage will be a good one.

Ultimately, if you are seeking someone who is faithful to God, which you will if you yourself are faithful to Him, and that has to come first, you won't have to study any dating strategies, because you will see that she is pure and clean, ready to have a good Godly marriage. You won't have to worry, because you know that God will bless it.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

That isn't my point at all. What I am saying is that you have to focus on being firmly rooted in Christ before you even consider dating. He will protect you and open your eyes, and give you wisdom and discernment. And He will also make sure that once you do find a wife, that you will be faithful and honest to her. If you do this, you can trust that the marriage will be a good one.

Ultimately, if you are seeking someone who is faithful to God, which you will if you yourself are faithful to Him, you won't have to study any dating strategies, because you will see that she is pure and clean, ready to have a good Godly marriage.

You are also missing my point. God has given us these magnificent brains to be used not just for faith. If there is knowledge out there that people have that could negatively effect you, why wouldn't you want to know about it so you can counter it? Instead it seems like you are saying just trust God, which is like driving with your eyes closed type of faith. I believe in faith that involves using whatever resources we have available for good.

 

[Emli]

You are also missing my point. God has given us these magnificent brains to be used not just for faith. If there is knowledge out there that people have that could negatively effect you, why wouldn't you want to know about it so you can counter it? Instead it seems like you are saying just trust God, which is like driving with your eyes closed type of faith. I believe in faith that involves using whatever resources we have available for good.

Are you seeking God's will to become a humble servant and rely on Him, or are you seeking knowledge so you can feel powerful and control others? What I'm asking is whether you want God to open your eyes, or do you want the serpent to open your eyes?

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Are you seeking God's will to become a humble servant and rely on Him, or are you seeking knowledge so you can feel powerful and control others? What I'm asking is whether you want God to open your eyes, or do you want the serpent to open your eyes?

I am learning knowledge so others don't control me. You have everything in this black and white bubble as if knowledge is evil and we should remain ignorant of what others around us are doing. The reason why we shouldn't do that is because we have to deal with numerous people each day who aren't playing by the rules who are trying to manipulate us and we need to understand that so we don't fall for it.

 

[Emli]

I am learning knowledge so others don't control me. You have everything in this black and white bubble as if knowledge is evil and we should remain ignorant of what others around us are doing. The reason why we shouldn't do that is because we have to deal with numerous people each day who aren't playing by the rules who are trying to manipulate us and we need to understand that so we don't fall for it.

Not once have I said that we should stay ignorant, so why twist my words and place words in my mouth? (That is manipulation btw)

All we need to do is stay awake and alive in Christ, and be led by the Spirit. He won't let us down. Keep your mind on what is pure and good, and stay obedient to Christ, and you will be able to spot evil straight away. You will not fall for their lies and schemes, because we are not ignorant of the devil's schemes once God has opened our eyes to see what is evil and what is good.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

All we need to do is stay awake and alive in Christ, and be led by the Spirit. He won't let us down. Keep your mind on what is pure and good, and stay obedient to Christ, and you will be able to spot evil straight away. You will not fall for their lies and schemes, because we are not ignorant of the devil's schemes once God has opened our eyes to see what is evil and what is good.

It's just not that simple. You have an illusion of control that doesn't actually exist. Believing what you do may make you more at ease but it doesn't change reality. Don't assume as long as you have faith in God thats all you need. Actions matter as well. You can't just believe in God and expect everything to work out without doing your part.

 

[Emli]

It's just not that simple. You have an illusion of control that doesn't actually exist. Believing what you do may make you more at ease but it doesn't change reality. Don't assume as long as you have faith in God thats all you need. Actions matter as well. You can't just believe in God and expect everything to work out without doing your part.

Now you are putting words in my mouth again. Manipulation may work on others, but it isn't gonna work on me.

Our actions must reflect Jesus, His ways, His teachings, and led by the Spirit. Faith in God means that we follow Him wherever He has went before us already, listening to His voice. Going by our own will, using any other power than the Grace or the gifts that the Holy Spirit has given us, isn't going to bring any blessings into your life, because you will be going against God. It is called rebellion. If you read the Old Testament, you will see Israel doing this over and over again, and getting punished for it. It hasn't changed, rebellion is still rebellion. You have to be a sheep that follows the Shepherd, and trust me, that means actions, but not by acting in our own will, but by God's will.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Now you are putting words in my mouth again. Manipulation may work on others, but it isn't gonna work on me.

Our actions must reflect Jesus, His ways, His teachings, and led by the Spirit. Faith in God means that we follow Him wherever He has went before us already, listening to His voice. Going by our own will, using any other power than the Grace or the gifts that the Holy Spirit has given us, isn't going to bring any blessings into your life, because you will be going against God. It is called rebellion. If you read the Old Testament, you will see Israel doing this over and over again, and getting punished for it. It hasn't changed, rebellion is still rebellion. You have to be a sheep that follows the Shepherd, and trust me, that means actions, but not by acting in our own will, but by God's will.

I don't think there is anything else I could say to get you to understand what I mean so I will leave this as is.

 

[com7fy8]

Even if I know a lady is doing things the wrong way, in order to get married, still I might spend time with her in order to help her. Because Jesus wants us to love every person. But I pray about if and how I give attention to the person.

I have not assumed that God wants me to get married or to stay single, but I have prayed for God to correct me so I am more and more real with Him and how He has me loving. This is what I think Emli means; I think she has given you some good things.

One thing which has helped me is that God's love does not have me only using anyone > Matthew 5:46. Also, I need to not try to lord myself over any person, but be humble and gentle and caring about everyone > 1 Peter 5:3, Philippians 2:13-16. And have hope for any person, at all > love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7), and Jesus suffered and died like He did on the cross with hope for any person, at all.

So, we need to be open for what God wants us to do with each person.

About strategies > each person is unique; so I can see it is good not to use a general strategy for getting a date. But discover each person. And I would say if you don't trust the person, do not get isolated on a date alone with that person.

In these forums at times we have people who come here for advice about someone they are in love with and even they are engaged; but they do not trust that person enough to talk with him or her about an issue!! I would not even start with someone, dating or being in love with the person, unless I have gotten to know the person and I am satisfied the person is growing in Jesus and is honest and caring enough so I can trust the person about personal things between me and that person.

And indeed let each person speak for oneself.

Also, you are not perfect; so even if you don't use strategies, there could be ways that you need correction in other ways. It is possible you might discover a person who has been using a wrong strategy but God could use you to help that person to change, and the person might be able to help you to get correction. And then as you grow in Jesus together, you might discover you belong with each other. But I would not get isolated in dating, but share with other Christians who are more mature than you are, while you make sure about each other.

 

[Petros2015]

Yeah read up on them, it can't hurt. I'm not familiar and don't know what's out there. I would think being familiar with basic personality disorders would be more important. It can take a month or two of getting to know a person before you can begin to suss out their mental, emotional and spiritual sanity. Some things can be immediately obvious on the surface, others not so much. I try to make a point of not dating anyone crazier than myself

Knowing what's important to you is probably the best dating strategy you can have.

A dating strategy could be as simple as 'dress nice when a date you like takes you out'. I don't think that's manipulation and I really appreciated it the last time it was done for me.

 

[Sketcher]

Hire a PI
But seriously I think it’s best to go with someone endorsed from friends and/or relatives.
That way, you’ll know for sure

Consider the people these friends and relatives pick for themselves before you do that. If they pick bad people for themselves, they'll pick bad people for you. If their relationship values are also poor (as in dating to fornicate until it falls apart, then repeat), that will also filter into the relationship advice that they give you.

 

[Sketcher]

As a single Christian the best and maybe even the only thing you should do is to ask God to make you into someone who will be a good husband, someone who will provide for his family and be faithful and good to his wife every day in every way, putting her first and lifting her up as Christ does for the Church, and then wait until He has prepared you for being in a relationship, and then find a woman to marry. Because you cannot change anyone else, but you can allow God to change you. No dating theories will help you, only God will. He will help you discern who will be a good wife or not, but you have to want to become a good husband who will serve his wife more than wanting to have a good wife who will serve you.

If you emphasize the waiting, then there will be a lot of Christian guys who will never take the necessary steps to pursuing a relationship with a woman. Because we're not perfect, and in this life, we're not going to be so many of us will never feel "ready." Don't advise waiting until you're ready to marry. Instead, advise working to clearly defined goals for building healthy and God-honoring relationships.

 

[Emli]

If you emphasize the waiting, then there will be a lot of Christian guys who will never take the necessary steps to pursuing a relationship with a woman. Because we're not perfect, and in this life, we're not going to be so many of us will never feel "ready." Don't advise waiting until you're ready to marry. Instead, advise working to clearly defined goals for building healthy and God-honoring relationships.

That is not at all what I meant. I meant that a person should wait until he or she has made Christ his or her first priority in life, and is learning what a Godly relationship should look like, instead of living by their own will and is dating for the sake of dating and not for the sake of finding a spouse. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being still and waiting, and trusting in God to lead you. It is wise.