Thoughts on prayer

[SoldierOfSoul]

I was just wondering how everyone thinks of God when they pray, do you think of His attributes or a image in your mind of what you think He looks like or what? I have had a hard time with this (this is my latest scruple), the thing is I'm not sure how I am supposed to think of the Lord when I pray, it seems I usually think of His attributes and nature because I feel it is wrong to make a false image out of Him in my mind. I don't know though, your thoughts would be most appreciated.

I also have a problem of every time I go to pray and especially when I close the prayer in the name of Jesus I have evil and bizarre and sometimes blasphemous thoughts, I try to ignore them but usually I get so anxious from both of these issues that I start repeating my prayers until I feel I have done it right.

 

[Tredoslop]

Well, for me, I try to have a sort of conception of Him, even though I know that in my finitude (not to mention sinfulness) I will never be able to fully comprehend His being. Nevertheless, I have a sort of vague idea of what He 'looks' like or what His ontology is - mine just happens to be influenced by writings on philosophical Christian thought and such. But I don't think we're in any danger if we happen to be curious of what He is truly like, so long as those thoughts are guided from His Word.

So, if you have of thought of one of His attributes as, say, omni-malevolence, then you'd definitely have to go back to God's Word.

For me, sometimes, I literally think of Him as a Father figure with the cliche white beard - even though I know that's the last thing He is (He is a Spirit and we know from Christ that a Spirit does not have a body of flesh and bone). I guess to me, it's more analogical as it helps me understand the fact that He is our loving Father.

 

[justpassingthrough21]

Hi Soldier, I wanted to ask you something specific from your post. The part where you said that you experience evil, bizarre and blasphemous thoughts when you are about to close out your prayer in Jesus name. Since that has probably been happening for a while, do you begin to feel anxiety when you know you are about ready to end your prayers in Jesus name?
I am asking that because for me this was my situation. Before the thoughts happened I held Jesus dying on the cross of ultra sacredness and His blood as ultra sacred. Well when the thoughts happened I thought I had disgraced what my God did for me on the cross and disgraced His blood. I found that shortly afterwards I couldn't look at a cross without experiencing a lot of anxiety. Well my guilt feelings began going away, but the anxiety stayed. Then after a while I started thinking that their was something evil in my that feared the holiness of the cross (kind of like in movies how they hold crosses up to vampires and they cringe and run away). So anyways those feelings are way less than they use to be, but if I sit and stare at a cross for a long time, I will begin to feel anxious and start fighting the thoughts that their is something evil in me that can't bear to look at the holiness of the cross.
Anyways I said all of that to say this, is that something you feel when you are finishing up a prayer in Jesus name? I find also that if I felt anxiety when looking at the cross, I will keep looking at it until those feelings go away.
Thanks brother
~Aaron

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

do you begin to feel anxiety when you know you are about ready to end your prayers in Jesus name?

Yes I do, OCD kicks in and the thoughts that I know are going to come always do and as I try and fight them from coming inevitably as is our human make up to do, they come even faster. I just can't ignore them for some reason, I know that would probably stop this whole thing but I can't. I feel as if I have caused them or that like you said I am dishonoring the Lord in some way by having these thoughts while saying the most holy Name: Jesus, the same thing happens when I say Father, Holy Spirit or even Lord although not as intense as when I say Jesus.

I guess I hold His name and Him as a Person in such high regard that when I pray, it must be perfect, I must say it perfect, I must think perfectly and nothing can get in the way of that perfection (to use a OCD term "magical thinking"). Its like I'm searching for a certain feeling that is always allusive, a certain perfect prayer. Sometimes it seems I have gotten it right, my anxiety is pleased with this, but than the ever present OCD doubts come in "are you sure that was right", "you thought about this while you were praying", "this is what you really think", all kinds of things.

It has made me almost dread praying because I know I must go through this escapade of mental wrestling with myself. I know all of this is foolish, all OCD is, but it seems so real when the anxiety comes right? Its hard not to do the compulsion that relieves the anxiety of the obsession because it has been programed in your mind to work (to relieve anxiety), you know that if you do the compulsion your anxiety will subside (your mind remembers this subconsciously), so every time you do it, it gets more entrenched.

I think I have mentioned before on here that God has delivered me from the more eccentric and ridiculous compulsions and obsessions such as "coughing" and other strange things I used to do. But I still have religious compulsions, they just seem harder to forsake, there is always that seed of doubt: that maybe the Lord is angry at you for this.

I was able to give up the other things that used to plague me rather easily, I just faced the anxiety and said "enough is enough, this is ridiculous and I refuse to do it anymore!" I conquered a lot of obsessions that way. But the whole prayer thing has been with me for a long time, even when I was not saved and about 13 or 14 I would do strange things like repeat prayers and certain words over and over again until I felt it just right.

I do believe though that I will be healed of this, sometimes if I'm not to stressed and stuff I can pray and not go through this as bad, sometimes I can pray and not even have the compulsion, I can force myself to ignore it, but usually the anxiety is too much and I listen to the doubt and do it. Like I said it just seems so real when the anxiety is there, well I have said enough, its hard man, but God is faithful and He is able to heal us completely. I'm sorry you have had to go through similar things, I am glad to see though that you have overcome. Pray that I will too, God bless.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

I find also that if I felt anxiety when looking at the cross, I will keep looking at it until those feelings go away.

Oh and by the way, that is a very interesting thought, I will keep that in mind.