This stuff is scary

[gtp40]

Hey all,

I have been suffering from Scrupulosity for some time now, about 6 years, and recently had a bad episode. I'm over my episode but I'm still having my bad days here and there, and I don't think it can get any scarier than fear of what is going to happen after you die.

Sometimes I feel so alone, sure, my mother can hug me and say everything is ok, but in the end, she can't save me, that's foresure. I get horrible fears and doubts about God but I can't tell if they are in my mind or heart, but I'm pretty sure they are just in my mind. I'm praying to God for Him to give me faith and for Him to be patient with me, but I'm just so scared.

I have a friend I talk to about my faith, but I really don't think he understands. He has some of the thoughts I have sometimes, but he says some things sometimes that really scare me, it's not his fault, he just doesn't understand my situatuion.

Sometimes I think that I'm confusing faith with knowledge, and that I'm trying to prove things instead of just having faith. I just want to be sure of my faith.

Maybe I'm being too impatient, I'm just scared. Sometimes I try to rationalize God's existence, and I don't think that is a good thing, becase from what I understand God wants you to beleive not to know, because if you knew you wouldn't have faith.

I'm also very scared about the apacolypse. With all this conflict in the middle east and other things happening I get really scared. I even was reading a thread in another section of this forum earlier that scared me even worse.

Maybe part of the problem right now is that I'm home alone and it's nighttime, which makes me feel worse, but is this normal? Is it normal for a Christian to have doubts? Or do I even have doubts and it's just OCD? I just want to die and go to heaven and get this over with. I want to be right with God before I die or the world ends.

Another thing that really scares me is that, before my recent episode, if I found out that someone that I thought wasn't a Christian, really is a Christian or became a Christian, I got really happy, and now I don't get as happy. I also used to get really appalled at people not caring at all about God's law, and now I don't get as upset over that. I'm pretty sure it's just because of my episode, but it still scares me.

This year is going to be an amazing one, there are a lot of good things that are going to be happening to me, and I want to be sure in my faith so that I can enjoy life and have 100% comfort all of the time knowing that I am saved and truly beleive in Jesus.

Please pray for me and any insight would be very very very much apprecieated. I will continue to pray to God asking for Him to give me faith and be patient with me.

And by the way, this site has been amazing and helped me a lot with my struggles so far, I appreciate you guys. God provides!

I'm looking forward to talking with you guys.

 

[wiggsfly]

I know what you mean about various fears and all they're not easy to deal with. Drop me a line if you're ever looking to chat.

 

[polishmanmike]

dude read John 15, it talks about abiding, abide in Christ, abide in His word, in Revelation it says that the name of Christ is the Word of God, so stay in the Word, pray to God for desire, knock, seek, and look, until you find, until God opens the doors, if you abide in Him you will bear fruit, LLOVE JOY PEACE KINDNESS GOODNESS, now Love Joy and PEace IS NICE FOR OCD'ers, ya?
God bless

 

[marcb]

Sometimes I think that I'm confusing faith with knowledge, and that I'm trying to prove things instead of just having faith. I just want to be sure of my faith.

I had the same problem. If you can't wrap your mind around your faith, wrap your faith around your mind.

Maybe I'm being too impatient, I'm just scared. Sometimes I try to rationalize God's existence, and I don't think that is a good thing, becase from what I understand God wants you to beleive not to know, because if you knew you wouldn't have faith.

Right, and besides as soon as we have fully rationalized God, we are no longer talking about God, because He s greater than our comprehension, and certainly greater than our unwanted thoughts.

I'm also very scared about the apacolypse. With all this conflict in the middle east and other things happening I get really scared. I even was reading a thread in another section of this forum earlier that scared me even worse.

[Matthew 6:27 - And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?]

I mean to say this kindly, as a good friend said to me, that is "you be you and 'let' God be God." Don't get caught up trying to 'predict' end times or listen to those who do. Only God knows and has a plan. He is loving and kind as evidenced in Christ's love for us. When has there not been conflict in the middle east?

Maybe part of the problem right now is that I'm home alone and it's nighttime, which makes me feel worse, but is this normal? Is it normal for a Christian to have doubts?

Faith exists along side of, even in spite of, doubt. "Hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." Romans 8:24-25

Or do I even have doubts and it's just OCD? I just want to die and go to heaven and get this over with. I want to be right with God before I die or the world ends.

Christ has made us right before God. There is nothing you can do except believe. That's Grace my friend!

This year is going to be an amazing one, there are a lot of good things that are going to be happening to me, and I want to be sure in my faith so that I can enjoy life and have 100% comfort all of the time knowing that I am saved and truly beleive in Jesus.

Enjoy life, knowing you have an awesome Savior!

Are you getting or seeking treatment for ocd?

Please pray for me and any insight would be very very very much apprecieated. I will continue to pray to God asking for Him to give me faith and be patient with me.

You are in my prayers.

And by the way, this site has been amazing and helped me a lot with my struggles so far, I appreciate you guys. God provides!

I agree!

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" Romans 8:15

I'm looking forward to talking with you guys.[/quote]

 

[stacii]

I go through phases with this also. No matter what I cannot stop second guessing everything faith related, and sometimes when I talk to people about it they do make you feel a little worse. I went through a phase where I couldn't even read my Bible for a whole year because I was so terrified that everything written in it was convicting me of not being a true Christian. I don't really know how to explain it. Like I would read Genesis and would freak out because the whole time I was trying to rationalize it in my head and I couldn't wrap my mind around it so I thought that meant there was no way I was a Christian.

I hope I'm not making it worse for you by telling you all of this. Because I feel like I am SO much closer to God now than I was before any of this. I read this book that had a great quote in it. "God makes no more sense to me than I make to an ant." And it's true. I can't make any sense out of a being that speaks and things like the sun appear. I'm far too small and insignificant to rationalize that. And so are you, my friend, so are you!

I will be praying for you during this difficult time. Please keep us posted with any progress or setbacks that you feel!!

 

[stacii]

Also remember, God reveals Himself to those who seek Him. Everything has growing pains, even faith...

 

[gtp40]

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to say thank you for all the replies, it helps A LOT. I really appreciate it. I am definently feeling better than I was two days ago, but I still have a ways to go. Like I said, I've had this for about 6 years, but the recent months have been far worse than anything I've ever experienced. I'm still praying and seeking, and I'm going to keep doing so. One of the hardest parts is that November and December were probably the best two months of my life, and to go from that to how I'm feeling now makes me feel even worse. Unfortunently my family does not really take me seriously either, which is hard because sometime I need to just sit for a while and think, to work on my thoughts and such, but people seem to get irritated with me, like I'm just sitting there being lazy. I guess I wouldn't understand either if I didn't have the problem. Well, I'll be back soon, unfortunently tonight I have a ton of work to do, but tomorrow and the weekend should be easier as far as that goes.

Once again I really appreciate the replies, it's great how we can all talk and help each other without even having to leave our computers. If it wasn't for this forum I would be feeling a lot worse.

Talk to all of you soon!

-gtp40

 

[Kazkoss]

This is what I posted on the Scrupulosity thread started by PjC23565. Gtp40 it would be worth you reading that thread...
Have I ever suffered with doubt, unbelief, unreality?!! It has been just as distressing and fear-making as the blasphemous and evil thoughts. One thing that has really helped me is reading books about why we can know that Jesus Christ was a historical figure, why we can trust the Bible, how it came about etc. A good one is Evidence that Demands a Verdict (am reading updated version). Also, The New Testament Documents - Are They Reliable? by F. F. Bruce There are lots of other similar books.
One conclusion that I have come to is that such a huge number of people who testify/testified to having seen Jesus and/or spoken to Him are unlikely to be wrong. I believe them.
Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. We can have faith that B is so, because of A. For example, I have always struggled with the idea of spirit beings. Demons, angels, our own spirits. Because I can't see them. However I have faith that they exist because the evidence overwhelmingly demonstrates that they are, e.g. people have seen them, spoken to them, experienced their activities etc.
You can build a case for Jesus in your mind. Gather the evidence.
Hope that helps.

Also don't forget the verse that says we are to be ready to give an answer for the hope that is in us. We can't do that without having logical reasons in our mind for why we believe.
It might also help you to set straight in your mind all the reasons why you don't believe other religions, belief systems, evolution etc.
I have been told that the feelings of unreality, unbelief etc are a symptom of ocd. I think the medication that I am taking is reducing these feelings somewhat.

 

[Ruukasu]

I understand how this goes. You feel you need to do something out of compulsion, cause if you don't you're not loving God enough or something like that. Well, be careful between which actions you should do. We are justified by faith. However, Paul wrote to do everything in love too.

Galations 3:1-3 1You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. 2I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? 3Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?

1 Corinthians 16:14
Do everything in love.

 

[BigToe]

Doubts are normal. I think they're actually a good thing for our faith. It's the bumps in the road that make the journey memorable. The lows make the highs more beautiful. Learning how to combat the doubts and fears is what makes our faith stronger.