This Is My Fireproof Thread

[Conservativation]

So let me get this straight?
Men do that and still have to battle this 'feminism' crap, selfish actions by some wives, what he/she/other party said or stuff(that hell on earth for a man)? OK..

What does a wife do than?

My point is this... I love my wife like Christ love the church so a lot of stuff women want these days are almost automatic with me. With that being said, I don't like 'false' crap and these unfair and unjust laws of the world that we live in. This 'feminism' sounds more and more like one woman's selfish agenda for woman kind.

Its a big deal....this wife was sinning by serving her husband, see, that was the mans rightful role.
She finally submitted, and let him take his rightful place at her feet.

This is the formula for marital bliss dude.

Hint: use warm water

 

[McScribe]

To be fair MsScribe, I don't think I've ever heard any of the females on this forum claim to agree with what you just said above. Not even the feminists.

Without an overt accepted idea that wives need to equally take responsibility for making marriages work well, yes, there is a claim to agree. Simply by having blanket agreements with the principles of feminism this is fact. Look at the outrage at being told "this film is simply part of a culture that bashes on men making them solely responsible for any positive change in a marriage".

 

[McScribe]

If her husband is actively unfaithful in body or mind (Matt 5:28), she needs to detach and distance herself from him- up to and including divorce if he continues following the little head... (see my posts above for multiple passages instructing her thus).

YES she should take responsibility! She should take responsibility to STOP subjecting herself and the children to "hell on earth". God is going to take care of her! The progress in society with good options for women to take care of themselves and their children is God's good gift and provision for women!

God has heard and responded mercifully to the cries of HIS beloved (and longsuffering) daughters!

And here we see again that the only responsibility the woman need take is to stop subjecting herself to that man. Where is the responsibility the wife might ever have to look to the beam in her own eye? I mean literally--that is a Christian principle for blame, nothing more. Nothing sexist in it, no attack on anyone. Men and women alike are supposed to do this.

 

[JaneFW]

Without an overt accepted idea that wives need to equally take responsibility for making marriages work well, yes, there is a claim to agree. Simply by having blanket agreements with the principles of feminism this is fact. Look at the outrage at being told "this film is simply part of a culture that bashes on men making them solely responsible for any positive change in a marriage".

That's because people don't agree with that opinion, McScribe. You may thihk you are "telling" people but it's an opinion. It's not fact.

 

[technofox]

No offense to you all, but this whole thread is pathetic and deviates far and wide from what the OP was trying to discuss.

I can quickly summarize most of the arguments I have seen here:

1. Its like a Lifetime channel movie where the guy is a jerk and the woman is an innocent fawn that justifies her actions via her emotions that seem rational at the surface. The guy must change and become her servant and all is well.

2. Its about two selfish people who can't communicate and understand each other's needs without Christ coming into their lives and guide them to show each other love via Christ like actions.

3. Its just movie that inspires me to be a better husband/wife.

Ok so with that out of the way, my take is that both individuals were unloving towards one another and need Christ to guide them. For all we know the wife was withholding sex and the husband went to porn. There is no real history as to how they got from being in love enough to get married and what led the both of them to their current problems. Most of the arguments here are based upon pure speculation and assumptions. In a nutshell I can't believe the dissention here.

You know what I have learned about marriage?

You can do everything in that movie and love dare book, but it takes two to make it work. I spent a lot of money, even went into debt to try to save my marriage, because I loved my wife, but her actions expressed no matter how loving I could be to her they were never good enough. She basically used the threat of divorce as a way to get what she wants and eventually she used it try to control me, because she knew that it was something that I did not want. Eventually she tried to financially screw through NY's legal system by lying and manipulating me into thinking we were going to do an amicable divorce; however, it backfired on her big time and I ended up filing first after coming to peace with God over the divorce itself. If you want to know more, then please read all of my threads about my terrible marriage, because there is a lot more to it.

Caleb had gone through a similar problem, until he finally gave all he had to help his wife's mother without any expectation of her coming back to him. Fortunately for him it worked, because something inside her made her feel love towards him again. Basically she made decisions based upon emotions and not rational thought until the end. In the end love won.

In the real world sometimes this does not happen, because no matter how loving one person can be to another, it may not be enough to save a marriage. Is a marriage worth saving?

Yes it is. I walked away knowing that I did try to save my marriage and with God's peace in regards to letting him deal with the divorce it helped a lot. The only thing I would have done different was to not go into debt to save my marriage, because I got stuck paying for it.

I also learned a lot about Christ like relationships. Basically Jesus' mentioning the golden rule and everything else in the Bible about marriage holds true:

Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.
Do not withhold sex, except for an agreed upon time.

Love your wife as Christ love the church and wives submit to your husbands. Basically for us guys follow what the bible says, basically man up and be assertive when you know your wife is wrong about something and you are right (e.g. the bible says something is right and you as the husband are standing up for it). Women ditto.

Only mutual love and respect, and understanding will make a marriage successful. Marriage is a life long commitment of friendship. Its the relationship where two people work towards fulfilling 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, for that passage explains what love truly is in a nutshell.

Ok let the rebuttals begin ;-P

 

[Tannic]

No offense to you all, but this whole thread is pathetic and deviates far and wide from what the OP was trying to discuss.

I can quickly summarize most of the arguments I have seen here:

1. Its like a Lifetime channel movie where the guy is a jerk and the woman is an innocent fawn that justifies her actions via her emotions that seem rational at the surface. The guy must change and become her servant and all is well.

2. Its about two selfish people who can't communicate and understand each other's needs without Christ coming into their lives and guide them to show each other love via Christ like actions.

3. Its just movie that inspires me to be a better husband/wife.

Ok so with that out of the way, my take is that both individuals were unloving towards one another and need Christ to guide them. For all we know the wife was withholding sex and the husband went to porn. There is no real history as to how they got from being in love enough to get married and what led the both of them to their current problems. Most of the arguments here are based upon pure speculation and assumptions. In a nutshell I can't believe the dissention here.

You know what I have learned about marriage?

You can do everything in that movie and love dare book, but it takes two to make it work. I spent a lot of money, even went into debt to try to save my marriage, because I loved my wife, but her actions expressed no matter how loving I could be to her they were never good enough. She basically used the threat of divorce as a way to get what she wants and eventually she used it try to control me, because she knew that it was something that I did not want. Eventually she tried to financially screw through NY's legal system by lying and manipulating me into thinking we were going to do an amicable divorce; however, it backfired on her big time and I ended up filing first after coming to peace with God over the divorce itself. If you want to know more, then please read all of my threads about my terrible marriage, because there is a lot more to it.

Caleb had gone through a similar problem, until he finally gave all he had to help his wife's mother without any expectation of her coming back to him. Fortunately for him it worked, because something inside her made her feel love towards him again. Basically she made decisions based upon emotions and not rational thought until the end. In the end love won.

In the real world sometimes this does not happen, because no matter how loving one person can be to another, it may not be enough to save a marriage. Is a marriage worth saving?

Yes it is. I walked away knowing that I did try to save my marriage and with God's peace in regards to letting him deal with the divorce it helped a lot. The only thing I would have done different was to not go into debt to save my marriage, because I got stuck paying for it.

I also learned a lot about Christ like relationships. Basically Jesus' mentioning the golden rule and everything else in the Bible about marriage holds true:

Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.
Do not withhold sex, except for an agreed upon time.

Love your wife as Christ love the church and wives submit to your husbands. Basically for us guys follow what the bible says, basically man up and be assertive when you know your wife is wrong about something and you are right (e.g. the bible says something is right and you as the husband are standing up for it). Women ditto.

Only mutual love and respect, and understanding will make a marriage successful. Marriage is a life long commitment of friendship. Its the relationship where two people work towards fulfilling 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, for that passage explains what love truly is in a nutshell.

Ok let the rebuttals begin ;-P

LOL... very nice... I need to know... How does this movie affect the wife? That's the only objection I have with this statement.

 

[McScribe]

That's because people don't agree with that opinion, McScribe. You may thihk you are "telling" people but it's an opinion. It's not fact.

Flinging veiled insults and contempt in response is not merely disagreement. It is opposition.

 

[JaneFW]

Actually, this was the OP:

Two days ago, I finally saw the movie everybody's been talking about these past couple of years. I've been meaning to see it, but never did until now. So now I'm wondering if people here agree with my assessment of the movie. Actually I'm scared to ask, but still, I'm wondering.

It wasn't about the affect on the wife - that has been added on by other posters. He asked whether others agreed with his assessment of the movie, but then he never gave his assessment of the movie.

 

[mkgal1]

I thought it was fine. Not top-notch Hollywood artistic standards. Better artistically than most low budget, faith based stuff.

I thought the movie did a balance of portraying both of them to be messing up. Surprised a bit at some of the reactions, because the man was the one who decided to do something about it. And wasn't nagged into it by a woman either. And then with the revelation about his parents at the end, well, I thought they went out of their way to avoid the stereotypical man bashing.

Also didn't expect anything but an ending where things worked out. Why would you from a movie where the manifest purpose was to help couples approach and deal positively with difficulties they might be having.

Don't overbuild expectations, and it's fine. Better than half the movies in theaters overall.

I was pleasantly surprised. I understand some of the criticisms posted here, but overall I thought it had a pretty good message. I had very low expectations going in to it, so I ended up pleasantly surprised.

I liked the character of Caleb's (Cameron's character) father. It seems that we're so sophisticated and cynical days and I liked his child-like faith, perseverance and patience.

So, yeah, I liked it for the most part and pretty much agree with what WolfGate said.

It took some digging, but there it is.

 

[McScribe]

Actually, this was the OP:



It wasn't about the affect on the wife - that has been added on by other posters. He asked whether others agreed with his assessment of the movie, but then he never gave his assessment of the movie.

That is true--an open invitation was presented asking what people thought of the movie. So we're talking about it.

 

[JaneFW]

Flinging veiled insults and contempt in response is not merely disagreement. It is opposition.

Hmmm, there was no insult or contempt, merely disagreement. And yes, I am in opposition to your opinion. What's wrong with that? You disagree with me too. It's quite possible to hold opposite opinions without either of them being "fact", and that's my point entirely.

 

[JaneFW]

That is true--an open invitation was presented asking what people thought of the movie. So we're talking about it.

BUT the OP was not what the effect was on the wife. That was MY point. This thread has gone 100 miles away from where it began.

 

[Luther073082]

I never said it was written to correct female behaviors, so I don't know why I would need to prove any point whatsoever, but so long as I have made the point because you know I live to please all of the men here.

I have never said anything other than that I wanted to watch it because Caleb could well be my husband, and I wanted my husband to change. I don't see anything wrong with wanting my husband to change. I don't abuse porn. I don't flirt with men online. I don't flirt with male neighbors. I have never gone to have lunch alone with a man. I have never had to be "caught" behaving in any inappropriate, sexual manner with a man who is not my husband. My husband has done all of these things, and the misery of it continues to this day. So, yes, shoot me for wanting to have a better marriage, free of sexual sin.

But fireproof isn't just about your marriage. . . Its suppose to help all marriages period.

But in the end its more of the same fix the man, fix the marriage mantra.

As to your individual marriage, I won't judge because I don't know anything about it.

 

[JaneFW]

But fireproof isn't just about your marriage. . . Its suppose to help all marriages period.

But in the end its more of the same fix the man, fix the marriage mantra.

As to your individual marriage, I won't judge because I don't know anything about it.

I didn't ask you to judge my marriage, I answered your question which was:

So after 36 pages of insisting that fireproof wasn't all about correcting male behavior you end with "It did nothing for me either way."

You are making our point. It can't do anything for you because it wasn't written to correct female behaviors. It was written as a movie to "fix the man, fix the marriage." And if the men don't fix themselves the wife might have an affair with a rich doctor.

My answer is that I wanted it to help MY marriage. If you don't want to hear genuine answers, don't ask questions.

And, btw, I consider that Fireproof was intended to help marriages just like mine - where a similar dynamic was taking place. It wasn't intended to help a marriage where a wife was gambling, or a husband was stealing from his business, or both partners were swingers. It was about a certain dynamic, therefore it is valid to address it as a person in a marriage that has that kind of dynamic.

 

[mkgal1]

Only mutual love and respect, and understanding will make a marriage successful. Marriage is a life long commitment of friendship. Its the relationship where two people work towards fulfilling 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, for that passage explains what love truly is in a nutshell.

Ok let the rebuttals begin ;-P

Well said, Techno. Your entire post was great, but this is an especially great "nutshell" statement. Good to "hear" from you.

 

[Luther073082]

I didn't ask you to judge my marriage, I answered your question which was:


My answer is that I wanted it to help MY marriage. If you don't want to hear genuine answers, don't ask questions.

And, btw, I consider that Fireproof was intended to help marriages just like mine - where a similar dynamic was taking place. It wasn't intended to help a marriage where a wife was gambling, or a husband was stealing from his business, or both partners were swingers. It was about a certain dynamic, therefore it is valid to address it as a person in a marriage that has that kind of dynamic.

Therefore it was about "fixing the man" thank you we agree.

Now when oh when do you think we'll be seeing that "fix the woman" Christian movie or secular movie? hmmm

 

[Conservativation]

I think good things are good

 

[JaneFW]

Therefore it was about "fixing the man" thank you we agree.

Now when oh when do you think we'll be seeing that "fix the woman" Christian movie or secular movie? hmmm

Luther, I didn't have a sex addiction that needed to get fixed. My husband did/does. If it's not for you, it's not. If it is, it is. End of.

 

[McScribe]

Yes, but unless the movie was written for you, Luther has a point.

 

[Conservativation]

No offense to you all, but this whole thread is pathetic and deviates far and wide from what the OP was trying to discuss.

I can quickly summarize most of the arguments I have seen here:

1. Its like a Lifetime channel movie where the guy is a jerk and the woman is an innocent fawn that justifies her actions via her emotions that seem rational at the surface. The guy must change and become her servant and all is well.

2. Its about two selfish people who can't communicate and understand each other's needs without Christ coming into their lives and guide them to show each other love via Christ like actions.

3. Its just movie that inspires me to be a better husband/wife.

Ok so with that out of the way, my take is that both individuals were unloving towards one another and need Christ to guide them. For all we know the wife was withholding sex and the husband went to porn. There is no real history as to how they got from being in love enough to get married and what led the both of them to their current problems. Most of the arguments here are based upon pure speculation and assumptions. In a nutshell I can't believe the dissention here.

You know what I have learned about marriage?

You can do everything in that movie and love dare book, but it takes two to make it work. I spent a lot of money, even went into debt to try to save my marriage, because I loved my wife, but her actions expressed no matter how loving I could be to her they were never good enough. She basically used the threat of divorce as a way to get what she wants and eventually she used it try to control me, because she knew that it was something that I did not want. Eventually she tried to financially screw through NY's legal system by lying and manipulating me into thinking we were going to do an amicable divorce; however, it backfired on her big time and I ended up filing first after coming to peace with God over the divorce itself. If you want to know more, then please read all of my threads about my terrible marriage, because there is a lot more to it.

Caleb had gone through a similar problem, until he finally gave all he had to help his wife's mother without any expectation of her coming back to him. Fortunately for him it worked, because something inside her made her feel love towards him again. Basically she made decisions based upon emotions and not rational thought until the end. In the end love won.

In the real world sometimes this does not happen, because no matter how loving one person can be to another, it may not be enough to save a marriage. Is a marriage worth saving?

Yes it is. I walked away knowing that I did try to save my marriage and with God's peace in regards to letting him deal with the divorce it helped a lot. The only thing I would have done different was to not go into debt to save my marriage, because I got stuck paying for it.

I also learned a lot about Christ like relationships. Basically Jesus' mentioning the golden rule and everything else in the Bible about marriage holds true:

Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.
Do not withhold sex, except for an agreed upon time.

Love your wife as Christ love the church and wives submit to your husbands. Basically for us guys follow what the bible says, basically man up and be assertive when you know your wife is wrong about something and you are right (e.g. the bible says something is right and you as the husband are standing up for it). Women ditto.

Only mutual love and respect, and understanding will make a marriage successful. Marriage is a life long commitment of friendship. Its the relationship where two people work towards fulfilling 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, for that passage explains what love truly is in a nutshell.

Ok let the rebuttals begin ;-P

No rebuttal

I just dont understand how the perfectly fine rehash of pretty basic good advice in the second half of the post has anything to do with the thread