This Is My Fireproof Thread

[mkgal1]

The wife would apologize for her part in the problem.

She would recognize where she was selfish.


This movie was written not so much for entertainment as it was to promote a Christian message.

They promoted what they felt was important, and left out what they felt was not important.

The changed needed would add maybe 5 minutes. All that would be needed would be a scene or two where another women "gets in her face" about her bad behavior the same way his co-worker did. That and maybe a scene showing her bad behavior and how it causes him to feel lousy and how it negatively impacts the marriage. An acknowledgement by her that what she did was wrong would help too.

As I have said before, the only change I would make is adding the wife's apology. To show her confess her wrongs and apologize for them. It would, for me, make a clearer message and complete the restoration of their relationship.

I'm sort of flying blind, without having seen the movie. I only have reviews to go on. I don't see a need for another woman to "get in her face" she stopped flirting with guy, didn't she? (But, now I see that Jane pointed out a woman *did* get in her face...so, there ya go).........the marriage *was* restored.....wasn't it? Isn't that the goal? Not punishment or equal prices paid. To me, this *does* sound like an apology:
"If I haven’t told you that you are a good man, you are.
If I haven’t told you that I have forgiven you, I have.
If I haven’t told you that I love you, I do. I'm sorry for the damage I have done....I hope you can forgive me as well."

So....adding that makes it a great movie? To me....what means more than an apology is restoration because of a change of direction....a reconciled marriage.

 

[chaz345]

And what was the one with Demi Moore where she initiated the affair with her coworker? There are a bazillion movies out there with "bad women". Fatal Attraction too.

Not ones that are made with the intent of helping troubled marriages.

 

[chaz345]

A woman did get in her face.

Not really. Not in the same "if you don't change your marriage is gone" type of way that someone did to him. It was in a soft mushy "do you think maybe this is wrong" sort of way.

 

[hijklmnop]

I'm sort of flying blind, without having seen the movie. I only have reviews to go on. I don't see a need for another woman to "get in her face" she stopped flirting with guy, didn't she? (But, now I see that Jane pointed out a woman *did* get in her face...so, there ya go).........the marriage *was* restored.....wasn't it? Isn't that the goal? Not punishment or equal prices paid. To me, this *does* sound like an apology:
"If I haven’t told you that you are a good man, you are.
If I haven’t told you that I have forgiven you, I have.
If I haven’t told you that I love you, I do. I'm sorry for the damage I have done....I hope you can forgive me as well."

So....adding that makes it a great movie? To me....what means more than an apology is restoration because of a change of direction....a reconciled marriage.

Totally agree.

 

[chaz345]

To me, this *does* sound like an apology:
"If I haven’t told you that you are a good man, you are.
If I haven’t told you that I have forgiven you, I have.
If I haven’t told you that I love you, I do. I'm sorry for the damage I have done....I hope you can forgive me as well."
.

You really think an appology doesn't need to include anything along the lines of "I was wrong"?

In any case, you asked what we though would have made it great and then you disagree that what we say we'd like to see was necessary. Strange.

 

[Created2Write]

I'm sort of flying blind, without having seen the movie. I only have reviews to go on. I don't see a need for another woman to "get in her face" she stopped flirting with guy, didn't she? (But, now I see that Jane pointed out a woman *did* get in her face...so, there ya go).........the marriage *was* restored.....wasn't it? Isn't that the goal? Not punishment or equal prices paid. To me, this *does* sound like an apology:
"If I haven’t told you that you are a good man, you are.
If I haven’t told you that I have forgiven you, I have.
If I haven’t told you that I love you, I do. I'm sorry for the damage I have done....I hope you can forgive me as well."

So....adding that makes it a great movie? To me....what means more than an apology is restoration because of a change of direction....a reconciled marriage.

As someone who's spouse has a very difficult time understanding the importance of the words, "I'm sorry, I was wrong", yes, adding what is in the red would have made it a great movie. In our premarital counceling, and in every marriage book we've read, sincere, direct apologies(without just beating around the bush) and actually owning the responsibility for what you've done wrong was encouraged very strongly. Jason doesn't understand this and will often beat around the bush. Hearing him say, "Janel, I'm really sorry for ____. I was wrong for saying/doing that. Please forgive me" brings healing much, much faster than a beat around the bush.

And, honestly, the last part sounds like an excuse to not apologize. I mean, if the husband hadn't apologized to her for his wrongs, would there have even been restoration? Him doing and saying the right things with his heart in the right place was enough, then?

 

[mkgal1]

I guess I wasn't clear.....I was suggesting (agreeing, based on what's been said) that adding the red words would make it the "ideal movie"...as that seemed to be the one thing lacking. I wasn't arguing they shouldn't be added.

 

[JaneFW]

Not ones that are made with the intent of helping troubled marriages.

Actually, Fatal Attraction was supposed to have made men very, very nervous of having affairs.

Well, having affairs with Glenn Close anyway.

 

[JaneFW]

Not really. Not in the same "if you don't change your marriage is gone" type of way that someone did to him. It was in a soft mushy "do you think maybe this is wrong" sort of way.

See, nothing is ever enough. What if women don't talk to each other that way? What if their interactions are not that aggressive?

 

[Created2Write]

Not really. Not in the same "if you don't change your marriage is gone" type of way that someone did to him. It was in a soft mushy "do you think maybe this is wrong" sort of way.

I don't think so. The woman tried to press the matter very strongly. She said it at least three different ways while at lunch with the wife, and the wife shut her down, proving that she knew what she was doing was wrong. I think that point was strong enough. Also, considering how "in her face" her husband was before he changed, being told so strongly that she was wrong, imo, would have only pushed her further into the relationship. She, imo, needed the persistent, gentle prodding the woman gave her.

 

[hijklmnop]

Actually, Fatal Attraction was supposed to have made men very, very nervous of having affairs.

Well, having affairs with Glenn Close anyway.

Well, I know what I'm renting for us to watch tomorrow night.

 

[JaneFW]

Well, I know what I'm renting for us to watch tomorrow night.

Oh noooooooo. It's a really blah movie and, besides, cruelty to bunny rabbits ..

 

[McScribe]

There are tons of movies out there with affairs this way and that way. Actually the trouble really is that our society's understanding of love and marriage is very badly skewed. And that is very hard to get past.

And that brings me back to one of my main contentions. If it were JUST a movie, I don't think anyone would care. That movie "Little Children" with Kate Winslet (which is a heartbreaking movie actually) is a good example--it's got a very inconclusive ending, is at times even just a drag to watch. It's like watching the story of someone else's nervous breakdown. But at the end of the day it's just a movie.

The problem is that Fireproof holds itself to a higher standard, attempts to be an example of a teaching that a particular group of churches sell as a teaching. Workshops, books, seminars, etc. So it has to be judged a bit harder, I'm sorry. It would be like someone using "Twelve Angry Men" as the basis for an actual set of teachings on the Common Law legal system. As a movie it's thought provoking; as legal teaching you'd want to be really sure, right?

 

[JRSut1000]

Hmm... I think they make TOO much a deal out of the movie. I mean they have small group materials and everything! A motivational movie, maybe? Soemthing to pick apart every detail and try to find a teaching in every frame of the film? Nope, I dont think so.

 

[Romanseight2005]

I call gratuitous use of the word "scary". If that scares you, you have a very, very safe life.

That said, he lost his cool, and that is not masculine at all.

Then again, maybe God gave men the stronger physique for a reason. Imagine how insufferable a woman like that would be if she knew she could kick his butt?

There is always the family jewels!

 

[I Art Laughing]

Yes, I always want to respect someone throwing a mantrum.

Yes, most men also want to love a wife who withholds attention from them, ignores that he runs into burning buildings to save children, is ungrateful for a nice home and car and expects him to do housework whilst practicing monastic sexual virtue.

Yes, this is a fictional account (obviously), and that is the reason it stinks so bad. It portrays the man (and hints broadly at the rest of men) as unsympathetic, he is the problem, and fixing him is the solution. Had they done another movie as earlier suggested with the roles reversed no woman would have dragged her husband out to see it (it would have flopped).

I can imagine the optics, a slob wife who spends all her husbands money and doesn't take care of her home, her children or her husband. She lays on the couch all day eating bon-bons, reading Harlequin romances and watching OWN, Oxygen, Lifetime and WE (when she isn't shopping). She screams at her husband for not making more money and for not picking the kids up from practice. He starts contemplating a divorce and starts spending more time with his secretary (which is of course understandable). She gets a call from her mom who makes it clear that if she doesn't start submitting to her husband that he is going to leave her........bwahahahah! Sure, right.

She then goes on to start doing all of the things she hasn't been doing, living on a budget, wiping her kids noses, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, taking care of her husband in the bedroom, not screaming at him, ignoring his shortcomings and suddenly everything goes swimmingly and he is converted to Christianity and they live happily ever after.

Don't hold your breathe waiting for that movie to get made....

At the end we are left with the perfectly airbrushed figure of Caleb the exemplary husband that all Christian men fall short of. Is he totally unreal (conquering his lust with a Louisville Slugger)? Totally.

Is it unfair for wives to ask "Why can't my spouse be like that?", about as much as the husband holding up a photoshopped centerfold model and asking the same question of her.

 

[McScribe]

Like I said...movie is kind of one sided. but well put, poster above me.

 

[Psalm63]

At the end we are left with the perfectly airbrushed figure of Caleb the exemplary husband that all Christian men fall short of.

Actually I found the movie EXTREMELY frustrating and unrealistic for that very reason! They should have had him as the pastor of the church for 30 years and no transformation in sight until she gets good and angry, puts her foot down, prepares for divorce seeking mandatory psych evaluations to make sure he isn't going to act out on the porn with their passel of children...

 

[I Art Laughing]

See, nothing is ever enough. What if women don't talk to each other that way? What if their interactions are not that aggressive?

LOL! LOL! LOL! Women are so sensitive to each other! From what I've seen it's more often like a replay of the A-list behavior in high school. Total pecking order contest 24/7. If they aren't living Christ's life they are every bit as vicious as men, only they often use emotion as a weapon.

The idea that women are the less sinful or that there sin is is not as damaging is flatly laughable. That is the consistent meme that is being broadcast throughout our society and most people (including Christian men and women) are lapping it up. (The wrongs women do aren't as bad as the wrongs of men).

Where does vilifying men in general get society? I suspect that if we scrape a hair deeper then it will be a small step to vilifying Patriarchy and then blaming God. Patriarchy is the pattern, not the problem.

Guess how it's going to be in God's kingdom?? (BTW men won't be running things then either).

If you don't like authority and being under it, you're not going to like eternity.

 

[Luther073082]

I can imagine the optics, a slob wife who spends all her husbands money and doesn't take care of her home, her children or her husband. She lays on the couch all day eating bon-bons, reading Harlequin romances and watching OWN, Oxygen, Lifetime and WE (when she isn't shopping). She screams at her husband for not making more money and for not picking the kids up from practice. He starts contemplating a divorce and starts spending more time with his secretary (which is of course understandable). She gets a call from her mom who makes it clear that if she doesn't start submitting to her husband that he is going to leave her........bwahahahah! Sure, right.

Such a movie wouldn't even make it as direct to DVD or a TV movie because the female anger over this "hateful" movie would make the movie essentially blacklisted to every company that would produce it or sell it.

The message of fireproof was, if your wife's having an affair, its your fault. . . And if you do everything your wife wants you to, and dedicate your life to constantly romancing her and courting her. . . maybe, just maybe you'll be lucky enough to have the privilage of her staying around.