This is a real question

[memoriesbymichelle]

So this is a real question I just thought of.

Those that know me here, know somewhat of my fears of online dating or dating in general so here is my question to you

How would you feel if someone told you they wanted to do a background check on you? Or do you think women should just do them and not "ask" first?

What if the question posed to you was "How do I know you aren't a serial killer?"
What would your reaction be? Would it make you angry? Would you be glad?

 

[dayhiker]

My last GF spend some time searching out my activity on the web and later told me about it. It was a little frustrating, but in the end I wasn't ashamed of what I've been doing on the web so not a big deal.

A mature person should be OK with doing or allowing anyone to check what they need to do to feel comfortable with you. If they get too offensive I'd take that as a warning sign.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

That's what I was thinking. If someone wanted to research me, I have nothing to hide so I would not be offended but I am not everyone and everyone does not think like me.

But if I did tell someone I wanted to do a background check and they got offended, yes...that would be a red flag to me.

My husband...long before I met him apparently was in jail for assault. I don't think I found out until after we were married (we didn't have the internet or background checks back then lol).

I was just wondering what the reaction would be from guys.

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

It would not bother me. I would be glad she is cautious and sure, I would be thinking that when she sees I have a clean background that would score me some points. I would actually assume if she knew my real name and was interested at all she would do a background check, whether she told me or not. Now I would find the question, "How do I know you aren't a serial killer?" rather paranoid. Just quietly do a background check and beyond that if you can get some idea of the person's reputation, so much the better.

In some states you can do a free driver's record search. It does not show criminal offenses but it does show you if someone has many tickets and accidents. If someone got a speeding ticket last year, no big deal. If someone has 50 tickets and 10 accidents, it indicates that the person has a chaotic lifestyle, at least.

And a woman should not be offended if I look into her background in a reasonable way.

 

[dayhiker]

With the internet and there being companies that do that sort of thing over the web, its pretty easy and inexpensive to do a back ground check these days. I've done them on tenants that were interested in the apartment.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I agree that the serial killer question is a bit paranoid. And it's not likely the guy would answer "why yes....I AM! However did you guess that of me! " LOL

And I am a little paranoid, that I can attest to. The couple of times I have sort of let my guard down on here, I have been shocked to say the least, at things that have happened, but then glad it's online and not IRL.

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

Now I am curious about the things that happened. Then again, maybe I don't want to know!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Now I am curious about the things that happened. Then again, maybe I don't want to know!

Think of a singular wolf that is A-lone. And then the one that happened....yeah that one....you know....yeah that's it!

 

[blackribbon]

Michelle...I have done it and don't feel any obligation to say that I did. I think it is the modern equivalent of asking a friend to tell me everything they know about someone. I also run the shame checks on myself so I can see what other people can see on me.

I am not so much afraid that they are a serial killer as I am wondering if they are a liar or a "story teller". I find enough info to make sure I feel "safe" and then hold on to that info to see if the introduction stories match up to what I know. I person doesn't have to be perfect...just "real".

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

Blackribbon brings up a good point. Someone might not be a criminal but he could have other things he is lying about. Someone who is a player might have a good-sounding story but it might well be just that - a story. Situations like that are very common.

 

[exitstageright]

So this is a real question I just thought of.

Those that know me here, know somewhat of my fears of online dating or dating in general so here is my question to you

How would you feel if someone told you they wanted to do a background check on you? Or do you think women should just do them and not "ask" first?

What if the question posed to you was "How do I know you aren't a serial killer?"
What would your reaction be? Would it make you angry? Would you be glad?

I would appreciate it if she asked me first. "Go right ahead",would be my resposnse. Of course I would give her a caveat.Other men have the same first and last names as I do. One website has me down as being married. The Dallas News has my name as a young defensive tackle for the Dallas Cowboys professional football team. Ah.......to be muscular,21,and 165 pounds again!

 

[mjmcmillan]

Hide the Corn Flakes! Put the Shredded Wheat on a high shelf! I am a cereal killer.

Actually, I doubt that a background check would turn up anything alarming that I wouldn't tell you about. My contact with police tends to involve traffic and parking, the only time I've had any other dealings with them was in connection with the last marriage. She tried-- and failed-- to trump up something against me, and some time after I moved out I had to call because she had left a threat on my voicemail. Beyond that-- see above and hide the Lucky Charms.

 

[dayhiker]

Yup, a background check will only find them if they are really really bad. The guys like me it will not turn up anything. They don't put in those background check that they guys likes to make love a few times a week.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Michelle...I have done it and don't feel any obligation to say that I did. I think it is the modern equivalent of asking a friend to tell me everything they know about someone. I also run the shame checks on myself so I can see what other people can see on me.

I am not so much afraid that they are a serial killer as I am wondering if they are a liar or a "story teller". I find enough info to make sure I feel "safe" and then hold on to that info to see if the introduction stories match up to what I know. I person doesn't have to be perfect...just "real".

BBM what are shame checks?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Blackribbon brings up a good point. Someone might not be a criminal but he could have other things he is lying about. Someone who is a player might have a good-sounding story but it might well be just that - a story. Situations like that are very common.

And if they are a really good story teller then you might not be able to find that out until way later.

 

[Life2Christ]

Dennis Radar (other than the fact that most people thought he was a jerk) had no record and Philip Markoff was too young and cute to have any dirt on him. Both of them serial killers. I'm more concerned with men who are former cheaters because the likelhood of them striking again is great.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

yeah players, cheaters, killers, story tellers, ain't nobody got time for dat!

 

[Life2Christ]

yeah players, cheaters, killers, story tellers, ain't nobody got time for dat!

Seriously though, my ex-husband better not come to me to ask for character reference if he gets married again. Because I will give his wife an earful. He better get married in secret.

 

[dayhiker]

That is funny Life. Of course she will believe him over you because her heart has aready been won by his stories.

 

[Life2Christ]

That's what you call "blinded by love".