The worst sins a person can commit - I feel I have done...

[Hello There]

Post edited

 

[r2c2]

Hello there,

I'm a new user to Christian forums. I too have obsessive compulsive disorder. In my case the bad and frightening thoughts cover quite a wide spectrum of issues so I feel I can relate to your experience. I understand that you must feel really frightened - when I describe OCD to others I often say it is like being haunted by the things in life that scare, disgust and offend our spirits most. Really the fact that you worry about doing things that offend the Lord Jesus, Our Father or the Holy Spirit only shows that you LOVE them so much you would never really want any of those bad things to happen to them or to you. It's kind of like our brains are aware of the worst things that can happen and they just keep showing them to us...

Remember - the Lord knows every part of us and he will understand that you are faithful and true and that you want to love Him. We might not always have clarity when we are weighed down with non-stop thinking and anxiety but He always has the clarity we seek because He is the Truth the Way and the Light. I sometimes think that one of the best things to do is to acknowledge that the thought is an 'obsessive' or 'intrusive' one and then accept that it is not really you and try to move on. Or perhaps you could think of a particular verse or hymn that you love and keep it in your heart as a truth that will counteract the confusion you feel.

Take heart, brothers and sisters in Christ are with you everywhere and the Lord will keep you safe

I will hold you and all others who sometimes get trapped in their minds in my prayers

Take care, with love and kind regards

r2c2

 

[OpenDoor]

wait... why did you think you couldn't see your family?

 

[HeatherG]

From the past 2 or 3 years with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, from so many paranoid and strange obsessive and compulsive thoughts I am worried that I have:

-Blasphemed the Holy Spirit
-Rejected the Holy Spirit
-Rejected the New Covenant
-Rejected the Blood of Christ
-Committed Apostasy

Most people with religious related OCD usually only have the issue of having uncontrollable thoughts of blasphemy against God, with me I have that but much more stacked on. You may wonder how I can think I have committed these sins, the answer is: Bad responses to Bad thoughts.

Here's what I am currently struggling with, I really don't blame you if think it's stupid, strange or perhaps even funny:

I got the paranoid thought that I needed to reject seeing my family again or else I would be guilty of rejecting the New Covenant. Now the problem was I was worried It was true and the idea in time nibbled and nibbled to the point where it stuck in that it was true to the point that I was like 51% sure that it was true.

The problem was I reacted poorly to it, instead of rejecting my family in order to stop rejecting the New Covenant, I decided to ignore it and continue seeing my family, I went against what I believed was right and thought "Oh, it's just OCD again I know I should ignore it, it's just another stupid thought!" From the moment I ignored, I felt like I was putting my family before my Covenant relationship with God and that is how I currently feel and I believe that I'm not wrong thinking that way.

Now I am struggling with this logic which I cannot refute. Here's the logic:

1. I feel that I put my family before the New Covenant
2. Which means I rejected the New Covenant
3. Which means I must reject seeing my family for the rest of my life who I selfishly feel I rejected him for before God grants me entry once again into a New Covenant relationship.

What do you suggest I do!?!?!?!?
I find it very hard to just ignore it!

You did right when you just ignored it and dismissed it as an OCD thought. The trouble is your anxiety will increase temporarily when you do that. However if you keep consistently ignoring it, things will get better.

You may not be able to refute your own logic, but that's because you are in the middle of your own struggle. I have been through similar things so don't think that I don't understand, but honestly, what you are saying is not logical to an outsider. The fact is that rejecting or not rejecting your family has absolutely nothing to do with rejecting or not rejecting the New Covenant. They are unrelated. I'm sure the non-OCD half of you knows that already. Therefore, any further thinking on this subject by you is a waste of time. I'm not trying to be harsh. Sometimes I need to give myself a little pep-talk like this too. Think about it, if someone else came to you with this problem would you think they weren't saved?

You say you find it hard to just ignore it so I suggest you fill your mind with other things instead. Get busy, work, talk to your friends/family, exercise, find someone who needs your help. If you spend too much time letting your mind wander, guess where it will wander to again.

May God strengthen you in your struggles.

Heather

 

[gracealone]

Hello - Hello there,
You said you got the "paranoid thought" about not seeing your family. So it looks like you already realize that the thought was not rational or deserving of attention but just a very uncomfortable OCD thought.
I agree that your idea of ignoring the thought and seeing your family any way was the right thing to do even though it brought on yet another OCD "paranoid thought" that told you that you "responded poorly" so now you have angered God in some way.
I've had my OCD thoughts morph into bigger and more frightening OCD thoughts also. One way to tell if it's OCD is if it creates tremendous gut wrenching anxiety.
The more attention and importance you give these thoughts... the more you try to solve them.. argue with them.. ruminate about them the more powerful they become. Just let them be there... let them float through your brain like a leaf on a smooth running stream.
Heather is also right in telling you that whether you see your family or not has nothing to do with you losing what Christs sacrifice.. ( the new covenant), has already accomplished for you on the cross. That work is finished and there is nothing you can add to it or take away from it. It is by His Grace Alone.. that you are saved.
I know that all that we've said doesn't automatically make the thoughts any less painful... but I do hope that you can realize that they are just thoughts... they cannot harm you and they cannot lessen Christ's love for you.
Also don't hesitate to seek professional help/therapy and possible meds. if you haven't already.
I'll keep you in my prayers.. you are not alone in this struggle.

 

[marcb]

These great people are right.

The OCD part of our functioning is very childlike. Children cannot always be reasoned with. OCD is not to be reasoned with. Easy to say, but I was thinking about how "over" my ocd (blasphemous just like yours) I was, when it smacked me in the face. I spent a while trying to rationalize and realized it was not worth it. I think you were right when you dismissed the thoughts and now you might be in another "spike." The spike is okay, try to think of it as another opportunity to "let go." The "child" will through it's tantrum but must be ignored, not spoiled with attention. I find at times this is difficult, especially when fatigued, stressed, nervous, worried etc.

We are all praying for you. Remember, God made the covenant. What He has done, cannot be undone. Try something radical: rest in Christ's assurance, regardless of how you feel.

Are you taking meds or getting counseling?

 

[seajoy]

Remember.....no more war, no more OCD.

When you have the thoughts....give it the old "Oh well, that's the way it goes."
That wave of anxiety will come....it's ok....it will be lessened each time you do it.

Your OCD thoughts are no more weird, or worse than mine were. You and God are fine. You are just as saved with whacky thoughts, as you are without them. You can just live a lot happier if you do the exposure/response therapy. It doesn't make you saved, just healthy....because you already belong to Jesus.

Talk to your doctor...it works!

I'll pray for you.
seajoy

 

[marcb]

Hi,

I was right there with you today. I had the day off and was in the beautiful countryside of Santa Barbara County on a picturesque day, when my thoughts started going wild. Thoughts just run away, you know. This morning I was talking to my wife about how my ocd coping strategies were going so well. By the afternoon, I was in the spin cycle.

I have been reading Genesis and this morning read about how Esau renounced has birthright. This afternoon, we are having lunch, talking about going to Atlanta for my niece's baptism, when the outrageous, but very "real" thought of "I renounce my baptismal right" flew into my head. This was troubling and had a negative effect on my day. I am still here, however, and I will boldly declare that I am "blameless" in God's eyes. Why so bold? Because thank the Lord that God saves through Grace, not our thoughts. Are our thoughts greater than the One who made and saved us? Greater than the Cross? MOST CERTAINLY NOT! We must cling to our eternal promise from the Father in Christ, whereby when we believed we were "sealed by the promised Holy Spirit." [Ephesians 1]

God bless you all. Marc

"...He has chosen us before the foundation of the world, that we might be Holy and Blameless before Him."
[Eph 1]

"For it is by grace we have been saved through faith and this is not from us, but is a gift of God, not by works, so that no one may boast." [Ephesians 2]

 

[Kazkoss]

Check out the great verses on Ruukasu's post 'Why your saved'

 

[Hello There]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply to the message.

Deep apologies for my slow reply, the reason why I was so slow was becayse I was ashamed of what I did and I was scared that I would get some strange reactions so I wanted to pretend the post never happend. But I eventually built up the courage to check out the post and I am glad I did.

I have been reading Genesis and this morning read about how Esau renounced has birthright. This afternoon, we are having lunch, talking about going to Atlanta for my niece's baptism, when the outrageous, but very "real" thought of "I renounce my baptismal right" flew into my head. This was troubling and had a negative effect on my day. I am still here, however, and I will boldly declare that I am "blameless" in God's eyes. Why so bold? Because thank the Lord that God saves through Grace, not our thoughts. Are our thoughts greater than the One who made and saved us? Greater than the Cross? MOST CERTAINLY NOT! We must cling to our eternal promise from the Father in Christ, whereby when we believed we were "sealed by the promised Holy Spirit." [Ephesians 1]

This is the sort of thing that happens to me alot, except It's really hard to get the mental strength or motivation to battle it the way do did. Because I don't battle it out it just gets worse. I guess it's comforting to know there are others.

When you have the thoughts....give it the old "Oh well, that's the way it goes."
That wave of anxiety will come....it's ok....it will be lessened each time you do it.

I will give this method a go, but ignoring it alot for me feels like I'm rejecting God.

Are you taking meds or getting counseling?

No, I'm agfraid meds will make things worse and counselling I have not done but I do plan on doing,

 

[seajoy]

I will give this method a go, but ignoring it alot for me feels like I'm rejecting God.


No, I'm agfraid meds will make things worse and counselling I have not done but I do plan on doing,

Christ is the author and finisher of our faith. He will take care of you as you do what needs to be done in order to be healed. He loves you that much.

Please see a doctor to guide you in therapy.

 

[marcb]

No, I'm afraid meds will make things worse and counselling I have not done but I do plan on doing,

I was afraid of meds too, but the situation became so desperate as it had led to depression, that I basically had no choice but to (for the first time ever) trust and rely on God and those around me. I was so afraid the meds would CHANGE me. "Will my hands get dirty?" would be a great title if I ever wrote a story about my experience starting meds. The meds did not change me. They simply allowed (and continue to allow) me to be able to function in the midst of my struggles with ocd. Prior to this, I was becoming debilitated from my anxiety and depression about these intrusive thoughts. I have been taking Lexapro for about a year now. OCD is still a huge struggle for me, but my faith has grown deeper, I relate more to people who struggle, I no longer drink, and am more patient in general. Thanks be to God that people have used His gift of wisdom to help people like us!

God Bless,

Marc

 

[Hello There]

Hello, I'm trying to ignore the problem, it's very hard but I'm trying. Thanks for all your encouragement.

I was afraid of meds too, but the situation became so desperate as it had led to depression, that I basically had no choice but to (for the first time ever) trust and rely on God and those around me. I was so afraid the meds would CHANGE me. "Will my hands get dirty?" would be a great title if I ever wrote a story about my experience starting meds. The meds did not change me. They simply allowed (and continue to allow) me to be able to function in the midst of my struggles with ocd. Prior to this, I was becoming debilitated from my anxiety and depression about these intrusive thoughts. I have been taking Lexapro for about a year now. OCD is still a huge struggle for me, but my faith has grown deeper, I relate more to people who struggle, I no longer drink, and am more patient in general. Thanks be to God that people have used His gift of wisdom to help people like us!

Oh I see, thank you for sharing, what meds worked well for you?

 

[marcb]

I am taking Lexapro. I had to work up to 40 mg. The best way I can describe the effects is that I still obsess, but I can live life in the process. Many of my previous obsessions (fear of contamination, etc), are all but gone. I still obsess over blasphemous thoughts, but God is helping me let go...

I also take 1mg of Clonipine (Clonazipam) in the evenings for anxiety. I used to have night terrors that stayed with me into my recent adulthood, until I started taking this. It helps me sleep and I don't have any side effects. As they say in the commercials, "talk to your Dr to see if ______ is right for you"!

God bless,

Marc