The Venting Thread

Learning always said:

There is always hope.

A friend heard that his colleague was facing a serious marital crisis—his wife had demanded a divorce. She did so in a very firm and serious manner.

The colleague began preparing for the separation. He started looking for a new potential wife, and even traveled to Southeast Asia to meet a girl. My friend prayed a Novena for his colleague’s marriage.

Later, the colleague’s wife backed down. She no longer asked for divorce.

The Lord CAN change people's heart.

Click to expand...

Maybe. Or maybe she realized he was going to fare better after the divorce than she was.

Learning always said:

There is always hope.

The Lord CAN change people's heart.

Click to expand...

We should be instructing men and women how to discern a good mate before they wed. Not cleaning up messes that could have been avoided. No one is perfect but there are obvious signs of unsuitability in most cases that are overlooked or ignored. If you lead with your emotions you’ll probably go awry in today’s market. You have to be willing to confront uncomfortable truths about yourself and the other and not allow loneliness or libido to guide you.

The Lord didn’t put all these couples together. Oftentimes people pray and someone expresses interest and it’s attributed to Him. But when you have an ear to hear He’ll address everyone that approaches you and the ones you’re attracted to as well. You develop that through obedience. A lot of believers seek His approval once they’ve decided and that’s too late.

When you look at the subject realistically in relation to the things people pray for you have to ask yourself why is this a problem? His purposes move like a flow chart and aren’t always a direct line. There’s many things He tells us to do that will have a positive impact on other areas or lead to their fulfillment that He doesn’t specify at the time. With constancy we’ll reach the point where He’ll say it and be more forthcoming.

Can the Lord change a heart? Absolutely. But walking it out is hard. I learned the importance of getting it right through other‘s mistakes. I used to frequent a forum with women in unequally yoked relationships who knowingly married unbelievers. They waited 15 years or more for them to change. I’ve done the same in other settings and listened to candid admissions from both. Hindsight is golden and few admitted they’d do it again.

I used to attend 2 small groups for married couples at church. One had younger pairs and the others were middle aged and up. That‘s where you hear the truth and the same applies to books. I didn’t focus on feel good subjects. I read about problems to see how they handled them and gauged my response to their dilemma. And worse is always badder than people imagine.

When you talk about forever you’d better stack things in your favor. Forty years or more is a long time to be miserable and the church is mixed on the divorce. There’s a lot of singles who refuse to date them. I’m not debating whether it‘s right or wrong. But starting over can be harder than most expect. Getting it right the first time saves a lot headaches and disappointment.

~bella

GodAndChocolateVanilla said:

@bèlla

You are overflowing with wisdom and good advice bella!! God is definitely with you!!

I am very grateful to God for you and and your kind heart that is always willing to share and help others!! [Hugs]

bella, you are a great blessing from God!! Thank you bella!!

Click to expand...

Thank you for the compliment. I contemplated weighing in a few days ago and decided against it. I don’t know you personally or your situation to be forthright in the manner required. Dilemmas like these require hard conversations. You can’t mince words and hope for the best. That’s all I say on that.

When you want to get married you have to spend a lot of time on yourself. Because you’re the greatest impediment. Not the market, gender wars, feminism, etc. Every age has its challenges. But we can’t allow that to derail us or force us to rush the process. We proceed with it in mind because it comprises the truths we confront in light of our goals. But they‘re not the barriers most assume. They don’t know how to navigate.

Our starting point is the Lord and we ask as Christ did who do You say I am? Not the media, society, family or believers. The Lord’s vision is great and He sees the duckling and the swan. It’s our responsibility to see ourselves as He does. Even when the world says otherwise or reminds us of our mistakes. It doesn’t change our identity.

We have to wrestle with ourselves internally to hold on to do. We’re subjected to influences that try to define us and we must develop an ability to resist. If you can’t say no to that you’ll have difficulty doing the same for greater stakes or denying yourself. Anything that doesn’t agree with His assessment should be scrutinized. Are they minor details we can iron out between us or major diversions?

Once you know who you are you can ask Him why you’re here and He’ll answer. You need both elements before you bring in another because everyone has an agenda. They’ve already decided what they want from the other. The majority admit what’s publicly acceptable and you learn the lingo and hear it often. But that isn’t the whole and getting it out them requires wisdom. Most people will never confess the things they want that may lead to rejection or the things they’ve done. The shrewdest ones let you do all the talking and piggyback off your statements.

I used to converse with someone many years ago who taught me that lesson. We were on a forum and I noticed his profile was empty in a certain area. Instead of admitting what he wanted in a partner he had a quote by Marcel Proust. I was surprised and asked him why and he told me he wouldn’t support someone’s self-deception and provide something for them to draw from. He’d allow their intelligence to carry them where it would. When I read it I laughed because I knew what he meant and he was right.

Most people approach companionship from a beggarly position. They’re too afraid to admit what they want and hold out for it. After a while they’re looking for a chance. But when you know who you are you don’t demean yourself like that. It’s your complement or none because you see yourself as He does.

That’s real talk devoid of christianese.

~bella