The urge*may trigger*

[berry2000]

Wow the urge is strong today. And I've been feeling "off" lately. Overwhelmed, exhausted, want to isolate and withdrawl. Lots of anxiety. That's when I want to cut. Sometimes the temptation comes and I think, who cares, what would it hurt, you don't have to even tell anyone, why are quitting, what's the point. Life is meaningless.

I know these are all lies. I know this is Satan trying to entice me bakc into my old behavior. But sometimes it is just so hard to fight back.

 

[Celtic Camel]

Hey precious one,
I know exactly how you feel... your words mirror what my week has been like... I posted something a friend told me to do the other day... it helps... doesn't make it all better, but helps... Think it's titled "Hope this encourages you too" or something....
Keep going...one moment at a time... really cry out to God - it is His grace that will lift you up.
Praying that things get easier soon!
love always,
Celtic.

 

[mitiog]

Hey, hang in there, I know it's hard.

Stand firm, keep going. I'm so glad you can see satan's hand in this. God is bigger, stronger and more powerful. He will get you through this tough patch.

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing. (Zeph 3:17)

mitiog

 

[Gwen'sMom]

Gosh, I felt the same way this week too. The urge was strong and I know that if I did cut I would have felt better for the moment. I managed to distract myself though. I just busied myself with washing the dishes and it worked. I find that when I get emotional the urge is really strong.

 

[2scoops]

Berry, I recommend reading a book called Healing The Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw. May give you some insight into those feelings. God bless.

 

[mamalonglegs]

You ask who cares:
God does, "Casting all your care on Him for He cares for You" I Peter 4:7 When one casts something, it is thrown out and let go of. It is not taken back. Like tossing a stone out into a pond. Once you let go. It is gone. Cast all of your anxiety, exhaustion, temptation, to the One Whose Nail Scared Hands extended the grace mentioned in the quote at the bottom of your screen. "Fall on that Grace" my dear one.
mamalonglegs Ephesians 6:18

 

[berry2000]

You guys help so much thanks!

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

Meredith, you know I care Hun . You're always in my prayers - even when I'm not posting in here (silly exams ).

You're doing great Beautiful! Keep looking for the good things in the day - they're there, they can just be a little hard to spot sometimes. Keep fighting! You're beating this more every day

 

[beckybooiloveu]

*HUGS* praying for you! keep fighting the urges... they will be there but with the support of all of us here, our prayers and with the support of god, you can beat them. you are stronger than them!
*HUGE HUGS*

 

[berry2000]

you know....the urge went away. I am okay again. And still w/o self harm.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Wow the urge is strong today. And I've been feeling "off" lately. Overwhelmed, exhausted, want to isolate and withdrawl. Lots of anxiety. That's when I want to cut. Sometimes the temptation comes and I think, who cares, what would it hurt, you don't have to even tell anyone, why are quitting, what's the point. Life is meaningless.

I know these are all lies. I know this is Satan trying to entice me bakc into my old behavior. But sometimes it is just so hard to fight back.

I find it curious that your last statement saw "life is meaningless."

"Sometimes the temptation comes and I think, who cares, what would it hurt, you don't have to even tell anyone, why are quitting, what's the point. Life is meaningless."

That statement is different from giving yourself justification to self-injure. It's like it arrives at the heart of issues in your mind.

 

[Soulwings]

Berry, I'm glad you're feeling better now. There will be rough days like that though. And I want you to remember what everyone in here has said. The urges will pass.

Something that a lovely girl with a good head on her shoulders told me in treatment this summer is this ... "It comes in a wave. It starts out small, gets really strong, and just when you think you're about to break, it recedes and you're safe again." She wasn't an SIer, and may God bless her and other nonSIers I know for the wisdom that they can contribute. It comes in a wave. And I think you posted when the urges were at the peak, the breaking point. And then they subsided, and you're okay now.

What she told me has helped me a lot in the past few months. You've just got to stick it out. It sucks. It hurts. But in the end, you'll be much prouder of yourself - and rightfully so - for not cutting even when it felt like the world was going to tumble down around you if you didn't.

 

[berry2000]

Yeah I think you are right Mr. Cheese. But I am learning that it quickly fades. Since I am bipolar I have come to learn that "life is meaningless" thing to just be a symptom of the depressive side because it changes on it's own I've learned not to let it freak me out. Ie it is just a passing feeling and a symptom of my illness.

 

[beckybooiloveu]

YAY! see u beat the urge! im so proud of you! well done!
*HUGE HUGS*

 

[berry2000]

thanks Becky.
Great advice Soul wings!

I'm just still a little suprised 3/4 of a year later that I'm still struggling so much with it.