The Step Towards Engagement

[MrOreo]

Hello all,

I haven't been on here for a while as my school and work have picked up in a very big way. I am currently taking a full load of classes while working 40 hrs a week and it really takes me away from my girlfriend more than I really like. I know it's for the best as, I am not in debt, I will get my double major degrees in December of 2008, and I am able to spend some time with her each day. At the very least, after work each day I go and see her at her work to give her a hug and tell her I love her. I talk to her every day, and try to spend time with her as much as possible.

We started our relationship on October 14th, 2006. We will be at 14 months on Friday Yay! We have gone through our ups and downs, but I have realized how much work a relationship is. I appreciate the effort Annique (My girl) is putting in towards "US" and not just her or me. I have enjoyed being with her, and I still love her every day and she is the most beautiful girl in the world. We work in the youth group together and Sunday school now. We were on a long distance relationship status until September of this year, when I moved to a little house in the city where she lives. I've been renting a room, working, and going to school as I want to finish school, and have no debts coming out of school.

Things seem to be going really well, and we just had a great night at youth tonight. God is really working in our church, and I am glad to be a part of it. I have been a little tight on cash, and I am going to be getting some food from the food pantry soon, as my pastor has suggested that I get some because of being on a tight budget. I really love her and want to marry her, just not until after I have a degree in my hand, and I have my own place to live where no one else is. I rent a room in the house so it's not really mine, and I think that's not good enough for marriage. My 3 things are, a Degree, Place to live, and a Steady Job. I am working on getting my degree, and I currently have a great steady job that I enjoy. The place to live will come once I finish school and can afford that place to live where I could support my girl.

I want to ask her to marry me, but I really don't know how much to spend on a ring. I should start making some net profits soon, and I have been tithing for my entire life. I know God will take care of the money, as long as I put him first. I think it's time to ask her to marry me, but I just don't have the money yet. I make about 2k per month before taxes, which means about 1600-1700 per month. I thought if I bought a ring around $3000.00 she would be really happy and it would be a great ring. I want to get her a platinum ring since she doesn't like gold, and I want to get her princess cut diamonds. I have read that the 2 months salary is bogus, and I really should just find something I like and stick with that. I really do want her to feel like she is the most amazing girl in the world, because she is!

I guess what I want to hear from you all is, what do you all think about me asking her to marry me with the intent of not getting married for about a year? Is it good to have a goal of 3000, or is making her wait longer a bad thing? Are there any questions you all have for me about why I want to marry her? (just questions that I should have answered before I ask the question) And finally, how can I make the night I ask her, more special than any other night in the world? I think this is a question I have to find the answer to myself, but ideas couldn't hurt.

Thanks for reading this long post!
God Bless

 

[DanC922]

Hello all,

I haven't been on here for a while as my school and work have picked up in a very big way. I am currently taking a full load of classes while working 40 hrs a week and it really takes me away from my girlfriend more than I really like. I know it's for the best as, I am not in debt, I will get my double major degrees in December of 2008, and I am able to spend some time with her each day. At the very least, after work each day I go and see her at her work to give her a hug and tell her I love her. I talk to her every day, and try to spend time with her as much as possible.

We started our relationship on October 14th, 2006. We will be at 14 months on Friday Yay! We have gone through our ups and downs, but I have realized how much work a relationship is. I appreciate the effort Annique (My girl) is putting in towards "US" and not just her or me. I have enjoyed being with her, and I still love her every day and she is the most beautiful girl in the world. We work in the youth group together and Sunday school now. We were on a long distance relationship status until September of this year, when I moved to a little house in the city where she lives. I've been renting a room, working, and going to school as I want to finish school, and have no debts coming out of school.

Things seem to be going really well, and we just had a great night at youth tonight. God is really working in our church, and I am glad to be a part of it. I have been a little tight on cash, and I am going to be getting some food from the food pantry soon, as my pastor has suggested that I get some because of being on a tight budget. I really love her and want to marry her, just not until after I have a degree in my hand, and I have my own place to live where no one else is. I rent a room in the house so it's not really mine, and I think that's not good enough for marriage. My 3 things are, a Degree, Place to live, and a Steady Job. I am working on getting my degree, and I currently have a great steady job that I enjoy. The place to live will come once I finish school and can afford that place to live where I could support my girl.

I want to ask her to marry me, but I really don't know how much to spend on a ring. I should start making some net profits soon, and I have been tithing for my entire life. I know God will take care of the money, as long as I put him first. I think it's time to ask her to marry me, but I just don't have the money yet. I make about 2k per month before taxes, which means about 1600-1700 per month. I thought if I bought a ring around $3000.00 she would be really happy and it would be a great ring. I want to get her a platinum ring since she doesn't like gold, and I want to get her princess cut diamonds. I have read that the 2 months salary is bogus, and I really should just find something I like and stick with that. I really do want her to feel like she is the most amazing girl in the world, because she is!

I guess what I want to hear from you all is, what do you all think about me asking her to marry me with the intent of not getting married for about a year? Is it good to have a goal of 3000, or is making her wait longer a bad thing? Are there any questions you all have for me about why I want to marry her? (just questions that I should have answered before I ask the question) And finally, how can I make the night I ask her, more special than any other night in the world? I think this is a question I have to find the answer to myself, but ideas couldn't hurt.

Thanks for reading this long post!
God Bless

Do you feel you MUST spend $3000 on the ring(s)? You can get very nice rings for much less. My brother got a good deal on his wife's ring at less than half that and they're still really great. Granted, it's a very important occasion, but perhaps cutting your budget down on that and shopping around some so you can put away some extra money towards a house down payment would be good.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

I assume that you have talked to your gf about this right?

I would not want my boyfriend to spend that much on a ring, and I think its unnecessary. You can get a really nice ring for much less, the price of it really shouldn't matter. Have you guys looked at rings together? Do you know what style she likes?

My boyfriend and I have gone ring shopping numerous times and so while I don't know what he will be getting me he has a very good idea of what I like and don't like

 

[MrOreo]

You know, I haven't gone shopping with her but I've tossed the idea around. She's told me her ring size, and I know she wants platinum for the band. I just thought of 3000 since that is the 2 months wages thing. I want the ring to be a surprise but something she likes. I have been waiting on scholarship money to come in and currently they owe back about $3000 and that kinda fit the price. I would like to keep some of it for a house down payment down the line though. So you both agree that I should go shopping with her to just look at rings together and see the styles that pop out the most to her?

I fear that she is going to be looking at the price tags and not showing me the ones she really likes.

 

[peanutbutter12]

into some jewelry stores "for fun". But make sure while she's looking at rings, that you're looking at her reactions to them to see what styles she likes and dislikes. It will give you an idea of what to look for when you go to buy the ring yourself. That way, it still remains a surprise when you present it to her.

I like the way you presented yourself. You seem to be a lot smarter than a lot of people who post "I want to get married" threads on this forum. You have given a lot of thought to the important matters and that is a very good way to walk into a marriage. I always tell people the same thing, when you're looking at getting married, you need to make sure you're secure. Secure in your relationship, secured spiritually, secure in your mentality, and secure financially. I'll explain what I mean here:

You obviously want to be secure in your relationship. What I mean by this is being "past the fairytale stage". That part of the relationship where it's all new and wonderful and you're absolutely sure this is the right person for you. Basically it's an understanding of your significant others faults and their understanding of yours and the conclusion that you will love each other despite these faults. A lot of people foolishly jump into a relationship expecting the perfect person, get married, and then start living together spending 24/7 with each other and begin to see what that person is outside of their "outside appearances" when they actually get dressed up. They see the dirty laundry on the floor, hear all the bodily noises once hid, and all those other wonderful things that make us who we are before we shower and put makeup on in the morning.

Security in spirituality basically means that you understand your own and each others beliefs. Not saying you have to agree with each other on them 100%, but more the meaning that you are ready to take the spiritual step into marriage. I won't go into a long post about this except to say I highly recommend you take marriage counseling in your church by yourself, with your soon-to-be fiance', and then after you're married. Riding the spiritual rollercoaster is not healthy in a relationship. You need to make sure you're ready to become the spiritual leader.

Mental security is simply to make sure you're mentally ready to give up the life of a single and move on to the life of a couple. When me becomes us and I becomes we. A lot of things change once you become married, a lot of which will also be covered in your marriage counseling. Suddenly the mental struggles you face in your life become doubled as you begin to share your wife's struggles as well. For instance, if their is tension in family, that tension goes from being one persons problem to both of your problems, and you need to be able to deal with the situations that arise by using intelligence over every other means.

Financial security is the one that causes the most problems in every relationship. Money is the biggest cause for divorce in the world and can become a major strain in a relationship. So does financial security mean you have to have half a million dollars in the bank in order to get married? Not at all. It's basically being smart before you jump into a relationship; making sure you can afford it. For most people, getting married means more money going out than before. The best thing to do is prepare yourself, make sure you have all the information on outgoing income, and make sure that you will be able to afford it. If you're going to have house payments, insurances, phone bills, oil costs, electric, etc, plus have money left over for food that isn't McDonald's, you need to make sure you can afford it, because if you can't, it's a very very hard and stressful hole to dig yourself out of.

One of the the most foolish things I hear people say on a daily basis is that money doesn't matter in a relationship or marriage and that love is all that matters. The ironic thing is that this is usually said by ignorant youngsters, people to whom money isn't an issue because they have enough to live off of, or those who have been previously divorced or headed there over money issues. The simple fact is that money is very important in a relationship, and when their is a lack of it, a lot of times it trumps everything else and becomes the sole importance of keeping a relationship together. Does that make it right? No, of course not. But that is the way it is a lot of the time. So take care to prepare yourself because your marriage IS worth it.

Those are just a few things to consider. Also, if you really want to get off on the right foot in her family, be the man and ask her fathers permission. Remember that her family becomes your family after marriage, so it's good to have a healthy relationship with them. That is a whole other issue that can lead to unneeded stress right there.

As for how to ask... you'll think of something. Just don't have it involve putting the ring in food. I've heard many horror stories.

I will end my ramblings now. Good luck.

 

[MrOreo]

TerraSin I really appreciate all that you wrote and I agree with you 100%. I actually have setup pre-engagement counseling that started about a month ago with my girlfriend. My pastor has been having us read certain books together and going to him after we read a few important chapters and talk together. I plan on going to Marriage counseling after I get engaged, since my Pastor will do it only after engagement. I like the idea of going to jewelry stores for fun, as I will take her out to malls and stuff and stop by the jewelry stores and see her reactions.

Financial security has a lot of meaning to me. I really want to feel secure about money before going into our marriage. My parents were financial counselors for years, and so I grew up being on a budget and how to save, and all that it entails. My girlfriend on the other hand grew up with, get money, spend money. I have told her how that makes me somewhat scared and I want to teach her how to manage her money. We did this through my Pastor which was a blessing! She is very open to a budget and has been working on getting one started with my help.

Spiritually I want to be a man of the Lord. Man of the house, not being overpowering and not listening to my future wife is not what it means to me, but making sure I listen to the Lord and make sure our household is following what the Lord is directing me to do. Over the last couple of years I feel like God has been teaching me and directing me in a miraculous way. I met my girlfriend on a missions trip to Fiji, which was when I really was trying to be single. I had lost my mother, and my girlfriend in a period of 4 months and I had been single for about 8 months before the mission trip. Losing 2 important people in my life really hurt, but I have come out the other side a much better person I believe. God has been my center, and He is the only reason I am succeeding in my relationship with my girlfriend while working full time and going to school full time.

I believe when the time comes to ask her to marry me it will be correct, and she will remember it for the rest of her life. I will figure out for myself what I will do, but I definitely will ask her dad's permission first. I was scared of her dad going into this relationship as he is 100% Japanese, and was really protective of his girls. He wasn't the best dad to them, and I really didn't know what to do so I trusted in God that He would keep me safe during last years thanksgiving! Well I hit it off real well with her dad, and he is very nice to me. I don't think asking will be a problem.

Thank you All for your input, as I will keep you informed over the next few months or as soon as the time, money, and relationship is right to get that ring, and ask the question!

 

[MrOreo]

So last night, my girlfriend and I went to see Alvin and the Chipmunks! Was a great movie, I reminded her of Simon because of my sarcasm and thinking I'm somewhat intelligent haha. She reminds me a lot of Theodore! But after the movie we went from jewelry store to store in the mall looking at rings. She didn't really know much about engagement rings and that there is a band that goes with them. It was fun showing her rings and the one's I pointed out and really liked she did as well. She said, "You have good taste in rings." I don't know if that's just cause she loves me, but I think she was sincere. I have a better idea of the type of ring I want to get her.

 

[sayshead]

So last night, my girlfriend and I went to see Alvin and the Chipmunks! Was a great movie, I reminded her of Simon because of my sarcasm and thinking I'm somewhat intelligent haha. She reminds me a lot of Theodore! But after the movie we went from jewelry store to store in the mall looking at rings. She didn't really know much about engagement rings and that there is a band that goes with them. It was fun showing her rings and the one's I pointed out and really liked she did as well. She said, "You have good taste in rings." I don't know if that's just cause she loves me, but I think she was sincere. I have a better idea of the type of ring I want to get her.

good deal with getting the ring type. Though, in all reality love is not based on the ring, getting one she will enjoy looking at is a good way to give yourself cool points!

My GF and I will be hitting the 2 year mark on Jan 1st, we have talked about engagement. Our biggest thing is that she just started her career in real estate and I dont want to get married until I KNOW I can support her. If I had it my way she would not be working and she would have everything she dreams of... Thankfully, she enjoys working so i dont have to front the bill on the world!

As I said we have spoken about getting married and we have decided that when ever i gain the nerve to ask the QUESTION that it will more likely be about a year or 2 later that we actually get married. Neither of us are in a super rush, cuz we know neither of us are going anywhere soon.

As for your question on how to do it...

A buddy of mine asked his GF in a pretty cool manner. He tied a note to each of his dogs. Each dog had a single word. "will", "you", "Marry" and when she came home from work the dogs greeted her at the door and she read them out loud and looked up to see my buddy with "ME" tied around his neck.

I'm guessing it worked cuz a few months later I was at a church watching her father hand her over...

I bet you could take this idea ifyou wanted, I doubt he would mind