The rise of the lonely single man

[ThisIsMe123]

The Rise of Lonely, Single Men

 

[Ignatius the Kiwi]

Things are only going to get worse the more progressive society becomes.

 

[public hermit]

This tells me a man who wants a relationship with a woman needs to work on things women want. Many of them don't need money, they're not trapped in a place with only one set of options, and they often have standards that include a mate that can actually have a healthy relationship. I think that's fantastic. The reality is, having a partner is not a right. Just like anything worth having, it can only happen with effort.

The downside is it's possible to do all that work and still not find someone. That's rough but not the end of the world. If it were me, I'd work on finding my fulfillment elsewhere and be grateful if one comes along. I definitely wouldn't put all my eggs in that one basket in hopes I'll meet someone.

 

[Ignatius the Kiwi]

This tells me a man who wants a relationship with a woman needs to work on things women want. Many of them don't need money, they're not trapped in a place with only one set of options, and they often have standards that include a mate that can actually have a healthy relationship. I think that's fantastic. The reality is, having a partner is not a right. Just like anything worth having, it can only happen with effort.

The downside is it's possible to do all that work and still not find someone. That's rough but not the end of the world. If it were me, I'd work on finding my fulfillment elsewhere and be grateful if one comes along. I definitely wouldn't put all my eggs in that one basket in hopes I'll meet someone.

What standards should the average man seek to meet?

 

[public hermit]

What standards should the average man seek to meet?

In the article they mention: "emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values." I take it from the article that those are considered by women things that are needed to be capable of having a healthy relationship. I'm not sure what emotionally available means, but some amount of emotional maturity is attractive on anyone, and to lack it is definitely unattractive.

 

[Ignatius the Kiwi]

In the article they mention: "emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values." I take it from the article that those are considered by women things that are needed to be capable of having a healthy relationship. I'm not sure what emotionally available means, but some amount of emotional maturity is attractive on anyone, and to lack it is definitely unattractive.

Is that what women are actually looking for though? Those traits are not something I typically associate with men and seem to be more feminine traits than the sort of masculine traits past generations (that didn't have the problem we have now regarding the rise of incels) encouraged.

There is something to be said about the emotional maturity of young men these days and delayed adolescence but that goes to women as well who also seem to delay their adolescence well into their late twenties by abstaining from children until they are thirty.

 

[public hermit]

Is that what women are actually looking for though?

That's a good question. I have no idea.

Those traits are not something I typically associate with men and seem to be more feminine traits than the sort of masculine traits past generations (that didn't have the problem we have now regarding the rise of incels) encouraged

I think this was part of the point of the article. Some women are in a position to seek what they want and probably get it. But what masculine traits do you mean? Do you mean not being able, or perhaps willing, to communicate? The strong, silent type, for instance, doesn't have to be bad at communication. Perhaps he's really good at communicating but can say it in fewer words? Or, one can be emotionally mature without blubbering over every little thing. I don't know, but I'm not sure any of those three are necessarily un-manly. Well, I'm still not sure what emotionally available means.

 

[Want To Be Chef]

I have never in my right mind had the thought that I was lonely and needed someone to fill that missing spot in my life. This is because I always have been complete and comfortable being myself.

 

[Jamdoc]

I have never in my right mind had the thought that I was lonely and needed someone to fill that missing spot in my life. This is because I always have been complete and comfortable being myself.

and yet the first thing that God said was not good was a man who was alone.

 

[Want To Be Chef]

Yes, but that doesn't always mean that men need to get married!

 

[Jamdoc]

Yes, but that doesn't always mean that men need to get married!

God could have addressed man being alone a number of ways. Obviously, walking with Adam Himself, He was already doing, God said, that wasn't good enough.
God could have asexually created millions and millions of male humans, like He did the myriads and myriads of Angels.
He chose not to do that for a reason.
He made woman, and had humans procreate sexually, rather than asexually the way He could have easily made it be.

So while you don't have to be married. It is not the ideal that God designed for man to be single.

 

[Want To Be Chef]

"Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.
I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single."
1 Corinthians 7:7-9
The Message

 

[Jamdoc]

"Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.
I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single."
1 Corinthians 7:7-9
The Message

Yeah, but that was not God wishing everyone were single. That was Paul wishing everyone were single. While the letter is Inspired, it does not mean that Paul's thoughts and words are not also included in the letter. This was one of those instances where Paul gives his personal opinion.
and to frame that opinion, Paul expected Jesus to return within his lifetime, so, behaving like it's the end of the world, like Jeremiah who was told not to marry by God so that he would not suffer his family being harmed during the siege, Paul did not marry because he basically expected the end of the world. But obviously we're still waiting on that.
It could be that the rise in single men, particularly single Christian men, is perhaps due to Eschatological timing.
144,000 virgins need to exist, after all.

But barring that, it was not God's intention that men be single and alone. Some men He isolated to be prophets, such as Elijah, Jeremiah, Daniel, John the Baptist, and of course Jesus (who was of course, "and more than a prophet")

But I'm not a prophet, are you?

 

[Juan777]

"Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.
I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single."
1 Corinthians 7:7-9
The Message

You should have left out the last part of that selection if you are trying to make a point. At the end Paul encourages men to be married.

 

[Juan777]

Yeah, but that was not God wishing everyone were single. That was Paul wishing everyone were single. While the letter is Inspired, it does not mean that Paul's thoughts and words are not also included in the letter. This was one of those instances where Paul gives his personal opinion.
and to frame that opinion, Paul expected Jesus to return within his lifetime, so, behaving like it's the end of the world, like Jeremiah who was told not to marry by God so that he would not suffer his family being harmed during the siege, Paul did not marry because he basically expected the end of the world. But obviously we're still waiting on that.
It could be that the rise in single men, particularly single Christian men, is perhaps due to Eschatological timing.
144,000 virgins need to exist, after all.

But barring that, it was not God's intention that men be single and alone. Some men He isolated to be prophets, such as Elijah, Jeremiah, Daniel, John the Baptist, and of course Jesus (who was of course, "and more than a prophet")

But I'm not a prophet, are you?

Obviously now is a terrible time for marriage. Its like western civilization is falling apart at the seams and Jesus is coming soon. You have terrible cirriculum in schools, weather disasters happening frequently around the world. I often ask my mom, would she have me as a child in 2022 vs 1976, her answer was an emphatic no. Lots of couple refusing to have children which. It would probably be every man for himself in the coming months as store shelves empty out and food is scarce.

 

[Want To Be Chef]

Of course, I am not a prophet. I am not saying being married is wrong. I am saying not everyone is called to it.

 

[Juan777]

Of course, I am not a prophet. I am not saying being married is wrong. I am saying not everyone is called to it.

Yeah, especially if you are broke and unemployed/underemployed.

 

[Want To Be Chef]

Believe me, I am not trying to win the argument or trying to change one's mind on this subject. I shouldn't have added my two cents into this thread. I am not much help being I am a single and a layman not a pastor. I am happy where I am and I have never dated at all. God bless you and may God lead to singleness or being married.

 

[Jamdoc]

Believe me, I am not trying to win the argument or trying to change one's mind on this subject. I shouldn't have added my two cents into this thread. I am not much help being I am a single and a layman not a pastor. I am happy where I am and I have never dated at all. God bless you and may God lead to singleness or being married.

So what I'm kinda trying to say is that many people think that God has this ideal that everyone just be single and devoted to Him alone, and that being single and celibate is an increase in Holiness. I mean that after all, was Paul's opinion in 1 Corinthians 7. But God's design was not that at all. God's design was that it was not good for the man to be alone and His solution was marriage. Marriage is in itself holy. It is a covenant relationship that God intended for Humans to live in. Too many forget that, and think it's some worldly semi-sin that they almost have to repent of. Paul at times didn't look at marriage as being a holy covenant relationship that God created. Paul sometimes looked at marriage (when in his own personal opinion, which is what he expresses in that part of 1 Corinthians) as just a means to avoid fornication by having a legal way to deal with sex drive. This was fairly early in his ministry and later we see a more mature theology of marriage in Ephesians 5.

 

[VCR-2000]

The Rise of Lonely, Single Men

I'm a little paranoid about becoming part of that statistic.