The rise of the lonely single man

[Juan777]

So what I'm kinda trying to say is that many people think that God has this ideal that everyone just be single and devoted to Him alone, and that being single and celibate is an increase in Holiness. I mean that after all, was Paul's opinion in 1 Corinthians 7. But God's design was not that at all. God's design was that it was not good for the man to be alone and His solution was marriage. Marriage is in itself holy. It is a covenant relationship that God intended for Humans to live in. Too many forget that, and think it's some worldly semi-sin that they almost have to repent of. Paul at times didn't look at marriage as being a holy covenant relationship that God created. Paul sometimes looked at marriage (when in his own personal opinion, which is what he expresses in that part of 1 Corinthians) as just a means to avoid fornication by having a legal way to deal with sex drive. This was fairly early in his ministry and later we see a more mature theology of marriage in Ephesians 5.

Corinth church had rampant fornication and even some members seeing temple prostitutes. If we are to worry that you can go to hell over fornication and lusting away, its rather flippant treatment to say just get married. Suppose you cant get married then you actually have an excuse? It comes like a hungry person stealing bread that way he is making lusting sound. Can never get that verse. At least Paul respects the sex drive in principle.

 

[Jamdoc]

Corinth church had rampant fornication and even some members seeing temple prostitutes. If we are to worry that you can go to hell over fornication and lusting away, its rather flippant treatment to say just get married. Suppose you cant get married then you actually have an excuse? It comes like a hungry person stealing bread that way he is making lusting sound. Can never get that verse. At least Paul respects the sex drive in principle.

Paul seemed to mature in how he viewed it by Ephesians and Timothy. We have to remember that while yes, Paul was Inspired by the holy spirit, his human authorship of his epistles still comes through, and there will sometimes outright be statements where Paul says HE thinks something, or HE advises something and even prefaces it that it is not a commandment from the Lord. He will also specify some things as being a commandment from the Lord, or he'll say something "by the Word of God" or "the spirit speaketh expressly" Those times it's more directly the Word of God.

But yeah, Marriage is not just supposed to be a legal release for the sex drive. It's far far far beyond that, it pictures Christ and the Church, but is also God's means of providing complementary companionship, procreation, and organizing people into family units which are one of the foundations in which how God wants people to live. It also provides a most immediate, visible, tangible person to focus affections on rather than just focusing on self. Yes you're supposed to focus on Christ first, but being invisible, intangible, and largely only known about from the pages of a book, it can be pretty hard to focus all affections on Christ rather than on self, especially when this invisible, intangible being doesn't speak audibly to you, and can't give you a hug when you need one. Having a wife, having children, you now have immediate people you can see and touch that are more important to you than yourself.

Being single?
all you can do is try to put all affections into invisible and intangible Christ
and I guess a more generalized valuing all people over yourself.
I certainly struggle with both, and it results in devaluing myself to a point where I see myself as trash and wish I didn't exist sometimes.

 

[Juan777]

Paul seemed to mature in how he viewed it by Ephesians and Timothy.

The Corinth church was full of fornication, (1 Cor 5:1), even sick step-mother stuff that go beyond even the sensibilities of the average pagan at that time. Church members liked visiting the hot temple prostitutes (1 Cor 6:15). Why would Paul even mention such a thing if people in the church weren't doing "the unthinkable"? You had instructions within that church to stay away from certain corrupting influences within that same church 1 Cor 5:11. You even had people having buffets and banquets other people who were poor and starving, at a time they were supposed to have communion and that caused deep rifts within that church. (1 Cor 11:17-22). Really read vs 20-22 a few times and let it sink in. Really let that sink in. That is unthinkable even in this modern society.

To be frank, I broke up with a girlfriend back in 2012 that I was totally into and we had agreed to marry each other, except for this one verse in that same book (1 Cor 7:10-11). She left her husband, who had divorced her, and if she's a believer, she is instructed to either reconcile with him or remain unmarried. This nuclear-bombed that relationship because that meant there was no future for us and I have not been able to replace her in over 10 years.

You might say that 1 Cor 7 is one of the more dreaded chapters in the Bible when it comes to how I've run my life in relationship with women. Either breaking up with a girlfriend I felt compatible with, or rushing into a marriage because the dating relationship was getting too sexual too fast and ultimately ended up divorcing within a few months, degrading a marriage into a glorified short-term relationship that anyone could have had.

Going back to what you are saying, I think the behavior of that church shocked Paul so perhaps he toned down his message with them a notch to accommodate their shocking lack of maturity. It's not a matter of Paul being more mature, but his audience was more mature in the other epistles.

But yeah, Marriage is not just supposed to be a legal release for the sex drive.

For practical purposes that's moot in 2022 not the 50s, so I don't think people marry just to have sex these days anyway. From ready and easy access internet inappropriate content, people using dating apps, or hook-up culture, it's never been a time where the association of marriage and sex has been this drowned out.

But one of the benefits is that when people do marry, they are not doing so just for sex, but for other reasons. That is not the issue in today's society. It would be more likely the rampant sin. You also can't advise guys to get married anymore because you have a legal system that will side with the wife and end up having a guy pay spousal and child support while his ex-wife goes with other guys, using his money, while he is left high and dry by himself. You didn't have such a toxic anti-male legal system at the Biblical times.

Remember, if there is a fight, women are so entitled these days, she can just go online, meet someone else rather than work out a marriage problem, because too many desperate lonely men want her. Because of no-fault divorce, she could leave him for someone else, and he has to foot the bill for everything and lose custody of the children. Now granted there are good women out there, but the stakes are just too high if you end up with the wrong woman.

The girlfriend in question I mentioned before I met her on Christiancafe and her ex-husband was a pastor of a church who was grieving that she left him and was praying she would repent and turn back. They got in a fight, went to their pastor for counselling, and she ends up putting a profile on the Christiancafe site and how do you think we met each other? This is a Christian marriage where the husband was a pastor. This ex-husband pastor did not date or meet any other woman since she left. This was my soulmate that I thought I was blessed and lucky to meet her from that site.

It's far far far beyond that, it pictures Christ and the Church, but is also God's means of providing complementary companionship, procreation, and organizing people into family units which are one of the foundations in which how God wants people to live. It also provides a most immediate, visible, tangible person to focus affections on rather than just focusing on self. Yes you're supposed to focus on Christ first, but being invisible, intangible, and largely only known about from the pages of a book, it can be pretty hard to focus all affections on Christ rather than on self, especially when this invisible, intangible being doesn't speak audibly to you, and can't give you a hug when you need one. Having a wife, having children, you now have immediate people you can see and touch that are more important to you than yourself.

Agreed.

Being single?
all you can do is try to put all affections into invisible and intangible Christ
and I guess a more generalized valuing all people over yourself.
I certainly struggle with both, and it results in devaluing myself to a point where I see myself as trash and wish I didn't exist sometimes.

You can create idols of people by valuing people over yourself. As long as you are not taking advantage of someone, or hurting someone for your benefit, then you are not valuing yourself over people in a way there would be a problem.

If you waste yourself on one person then you've crippled yourself from helping nine out of ten other people, and then what about the other nine you were supposed to help? What makes that one more important than nine other people? That principle in itself should teach you that you have to conserve your energies so you can have the maximum impact. Not everybody deserves your help.

 

[RileyG]

Things are only going to get worse the more progressive society becomes.

I think you're right!

 

[Jamdoc]

The Corinth church was full of fornication, (1 Cor 5:1), even sick step-mother stuff that go beyond even the sensibilities of the average pagan at that time. Church members liked visiting the hot temple prostitutes (1 Cor 6:15). Why would Paul even mention such a thing if people in the church weren't doing "the unthinkable"? You had instructions within that church to stay away from certain corrupting influences within that same church 1 Cor 5:11. You even had people having buffets and banquets other people who were poor and starving, at a time they were supposed to have communion and that caused deep rifts within that church. (1 Cor 11:17-22). Really read vs 20-22 a few times and let it sink in. Really let that sink in. That is unthinkable even in this modern society.

To be frank, I broke up with a girlfriend back in 2012 that I was totally into and we had agreed to marry each other, except for this one verse in that same book (1 Cor 7:10-11). She left her husband, who had divorced her, and if she's a believer, she is instructed to either reconcile with him or remain unmarried. This nuclear-bombed that relationship because that meant there was no future for us and I have not been able to replace her in over 10 years.

You might say that 1 Cor 7 is one of the more dreaded chapters in the Bible when it comes to how I've run my life in relationship with women. Either breaking up with a girlfriend I felt compatible with, or rushing into a marriage because the dating relationship was getting too sexual too fast and ultimately ended up divorcing within a few months, degrading a marriage into a glorified short-term relationship that anyone could have had.

Going back to what you are saying, I think the behavior of that church shocked Paul so perhaps he toned down his message with them a notch to accommodate their shocking lack of maturity. It's not a matter of Paul being more mature, but his audience was more mature in the other epistles.



For practical purposes that's moot in 2022 not the 50s, so I don't think people marry just to have sex these days anyway. From ready and easy access internet inappropriate content, people using dating apps, or hook-up culture, it's never been a time where the association of marriage and sex has been this drowned out.

But one of the benefits is that when people do marry, they are not doing so just for sex, but for other reasons. That is not the issue in today's society. It would be more likely the rampant sin. You also can't advise guys to get married anymore because you have a legal system that will side with the wife and end up having a guy pay spousal and child support while his ex-wife goes with other guys, using his money, while he is left high and dry by himself. You didn't have such a toxic anti-male legal system at the Biblical times.

Remember, if there is a fight, women are so entitled these days, she can just go online, meet someone else rather than work out a marriage problem, because too many desperate lonely men want her. Because of no-fault divorce, she could leave him for someone else, and he has to foot the bill for everything and lose custody of the children. Now granted there are good women out there, but the stakes are just too high if you end up with the wrong woman.

The girlfriend in question I mentioned before I met her on Christiancafe and her ex-husband was a pastor of a church who was grieving that she left him and was praying she would repent and turn back. They got in a fight, went to their pastor for counselling, and she ends up putting a profile on the Christiancafe site and how do you think we met each other? This is a Christian marriage where the husband was a pastor. This ex-husband pastor did not date or meet any other woman since she left. This was my soulmate that I thought I was blessed and lucky to meet her from that site.



Agreed.



You can create idols of people by valuing people over yourself. As long as you are not taking advantage of someone, or hurting someone for your benefit, then you are not valuing yourself over people in a way there would be a problem.

If you waste yourself on one person then you've crippled yourself from helping nine out of ten other people, and then what about the other nine you were supposed to help? What makes that one more important than nine other people? That principle in itself should teach you that you have to conserve your energies so you can have the maximum impact. Not everybody deserves your help.

what you describe at first is certainly a mess of what government has done to marriage.
It's a shame that what God really wanted for men and women to have together is apparently gone and will never again be realized because after the resurrection marriage is gone entirely.

 

[trophy33]

The reality is that the top 10% of men are chased by 80-90% of women.

These 10% do not want to settle down, but to just have sex and then leave. These women then are broken and unhappy, saying "all men are the same! They want just one thing!".

But with today's obesity, feminism and wide spread mental illnesses between women, its frequently better to stay out of the trouble - to be single. Only few will find a good woman, in the Western world.

 

[Juan777]

The reality is that the top 10% of men are chased by 80-90% of women.

These 10% do not want to settle down, but to just have sex and then leave. These women then are broken and unhappy, saying "all men are the same! They want just one thing!".

But with today's obesity, feminism and wide spread mental illnesses between women, its frequently better to stay out of the trouble - to be single. Only few will find a good woman, in the Western world.

I wonder how that translate into the Christian world though. For true Christians there should be not much of a change since nobody has sex unless they are married.

But without a legal system then marriage is only as solid as the spouses commitment to the Lord and seeing it through. Two born again believers could be lead to marry each other and have a successful marriage.

The problem is there are lots of lukewarm, nominal and Christians that did not even get saved (ie maybe they signed a decision card at a rally and were pressured into it, or they haf a weak emotional experience and thought they were "born again", etc....) If you marry that type of woman in the church then it could end in a divorce because they will cherrypick scripture as it suits them and do whatever they want and are not reliable in the end. Then either the true Christian women are already taken and are not available, they are born again after having a history of that lifestyle or ungodly relationships, or sound very extreme (ie into going off the grid, etc....), which accounts for why they are single in the first place.

 

[trophy33]

I wonder how that translate into the Christian world though. For true Christians there should be not much of a change since nobody has sex unless they are married.

Badly. There are only few Christians who have been Christians since childhood, with good parents.

The majority has come "from the world" or lived sinfully during the high school, college, previous relationships...

When the majority of society goes crazy, it reflects in the majority of Christians, too.

 

[VCR-2000]

Yeah, but that was not God wishing everyone were single. That was Paul wishing everyone were single. While the letter is Inspired, it does not mean that Paul's thoughts and words are not also included in the letter. This was one of those instances where Paul gives his personal opinion.
and to frame that opinion, Paul expected Jesus to return within his lifetime, so, behaving like it's the end of the world, like Jeremiah who was told not to marry by God so that he would not suffer his family being harmed during the siege, Paul did not marry because he basically expected the end of the world. But obviously we're still waiting on that.
It could be that the rise in single men, particularly single Christian men, is perhaps due to Eschatological timing.
144,000 virgins need to exist, after all.

But barring that, it was not God's intention that men be single and alone. Some men He isolated to be prophets, such as Elijah, Jeremiah, Daniel, John the Baptist, and of course Jesus (who was of course, "and more than a prophet")

But I'm not a prophet, are you?

But this also makes it sad. We are told by well-meaning Christians that after the world ends here, the sex drive of humans will be wiped away, and this is even more anxiety-inducing for me and other people. We are feeling the non-ceasing "pressure" to find someone now on this side of living, but it is dismissed as something "we would no longer need to have" or that "it is a blessing to be single". Why would a God who has us in our heart just leave us with wanting something? Frankly, it sounds cruel and like a torture. Imagine a person being anxious to want to visit a particular place only to find out later he can no longer do because that place has gone away, and the only life concolence you get is "Well, there are tons of other awesome places and you don't need that one."

Also, if there is no more sex-drive and we have no more desire for an individual mate in Heaven, why does there need to be 144,000 virgins?

 

[VCR-2000]

Obviously now is a terrible time for marriage. Its like western civilization is falling apart at the seams and Jesus is coming soon. You have terrible cirriculum in schools, weather disasters happening frequently around the world. I often ask my mom, would she have me as a child in 2022 vs 1976, her answer was an emphatic no. Lots of couple refusing to have children which. It would probably be every man for himself in the coming months as store shelves empty out and food is scarce.

If there is weather disaster happening, the least that could be done is that it strikes the actual locations of those who are working to destroy western civilization.

It is an existential frustration of mine that I had to be born when I was which is just in time to have to live in and get to experience western society as it is beginning to crumble, and this time you won't see the end of it and the whole world itself is ending anyway. Do you think there is no alternative outcome this stuff can go or is the rest of mankingd only on this single path terminally?

 

[VCR-2000]

what you describe at first is certainly a mess of what government has done to marriage.
It's a shame that what God really wanted for men and women to have together is apparently gone and will never again be realized because after the resurrection marriage is gone entirely.

The last part is especially very depressing to me and leads me to a crisis of faith.

 

[Juan777]

If there is weather disaster happening, the least that could be done is that it strikes the actual locations of those who are working to destroy western civilization.

It is an existential frustration of mine that I had to be born when I was which is just in time to have to live in and get to experience western society as it is beginning to crumble, and this time you won't see the end of it and the whole world itself is ending anyway. Do you think there is no alternative outcome this stuff can go or is the rest of mankingd only on this single path terminally?

I have written threads and posts on the end of world /prophecy sections and you are free to look at those threads/posts.

For purposes of this thread, I'm just saying maybe it might be a good idea to wait for a few months to see if some of the supply chain nightmare prophecies come into effect before seriously looking at dating lest she comes after your food too.

 

[VCR-2000]

I have written threads and posts on the end of world /prophecy sections and you are free to look at those threads/posts.

For purposes of this thread, I'm just saying maybe it might be a good idea to wait for a few months to see if some of the supply chain nightmare prophecies come into effect before seriously looking at dating lest she comes after your food too.

Do you even believe the prospect of having the relationships part of from our time here should be ruled out entirely? It gives me great stress.

 

[Juan777]

Do you even believe the prospect of having the relationships part of from our time here should be ruled out entirely? It gives me great stress.

No, just see what's happening in September and if these predictions come to fruition or if its just hype. Keep some extra food just in case.

 

[VCR-2000]

No, just see what's happening in September and if these predictions come to fruition or if its just hype. Keep some extra food just in case.

It's very hard to be informed and anticipate it if it is true because the onset can be so non-acute. But I was referring to my post that you quoted (as in the things after resurrection).

 

[Jamdoc]

I have written threads and posts on the end of world /prophecy sections and you are free to look at those threads/posts.

For purposes of this thread, I'm just saying maybe it might be a good idea to wait for a few months to see if some of the supply chain nightmare prophecies come into effect before seriously looking at dating lest she comes after your food too.

Seems like everyone can see the upcoming economic collapse and famine, but very few people want to call it what it is, because then they know exactly what comes next, and their faith hinges on not going through that even though, as it stands, it would mean that 2 horsemen are already at work. But to me.. well, we already saw the whole world seemingly conquered without a war, with every leader saying "build back better" that they all got from the WEF, and we're seeing developing countries collapse over civil unrest and wars and rumors of wars, everyone thinks the second horse is world war.. well, there's no huge death toll tied to the 2nd horse, it's tied to the 4th. I suppose I am less anxious about it because I know what it is and have a good idea of what happens shortly after.

and if I die from it, well, Jesus will raise me up.
If I survive through it, it's by the grace of God.

I got nothing better so God can use me as a ragdoll if He wants.

 

[Jamdoc]

But this also makes it sad. We are told by well-meaning Christians that after the world ends here, the sex drive of humans will be wiped away, and this is even more anxiety-inducing for me and other people. We are feeling the non-ceasing "pressure" to find someone now on this side of living, but it is dismissed as something "we would no longer need to have" or that "it is a blessing to be single". Why would a God who has us in our heart just leave us with wanting something? Frankly, it sounds cruel and like a torture. Imagine a person being anxious to want to visit a particular place only to find out later he can no longer do because that place has gone away, and the only life concolence you get is "Well, there are tons of other awesome places and you don't need that one."

Also, if there is no more sex-drive and we have no more desire for an individual mate in Heaven, why does there need to be 144,000 virgins?

Sex is probably the least thing along the subject of marriage.

It's intimacy, love, companionship, a family, raising and teaching children that are the far bigger losses.
Oh you can have companionship, but it won't be complementary, you can have "family" but it won't actually be related to you, you can have "intimacy" but it's at arms-distance, handshakes and sidehugs, there's "love" in the church but it's not a love of YOU, it's a love of Jesus that extends to you because Jesus commanded people love each other. so it's an obligation rather than a free will choice.

I don't feel accepted in any setting I feel tolerated. There is a big difference.

 

[angelsaroundme]

There is a certain amount of inevitable loneliness being single. However, some can get pretty used to being single. One can also be lonely while dating/married.

 

[Juan777]

There is a certain amount of inevitable loneliness being single. However, some can get pretty used to being single. One can also be lonely while dating/married.

Being lonely while dating someone is worst than being lonely when single. At least you dont have love insecurity if your partner acts up, starts ignoring you or not introducing you properly in social functions or if you stop talking to her then she could be gone. Or wonder when this too good to be true thing will end and how it would end. I experienced these things in 2012 and that type of lonliness was worst than any single lonliness. At least when you are single you know where you stand and are self aware.

 

[Juan777]

Sex is probably the least thing along the subject of marriage.

It's intimacy, love, companionship, a family, raising and teaching children that are the far bigger losses.
Oh you can have companionship, but it won't be complementary, you can have "family" but it won't actually be related to you, you can have "intimacy" but it's at arms-distance, handshakes and sidehugs, there's "love" in the church but it's not a love of YOU, it's a love of Jesus that extends to you because Jesus commanded people love each other. so it's an obligation rather than a free will choice.

I don't feel accepted in any setting I feel tolerated. There is a big difference.

That is the problem with attending church as a looks deficient single person.