Since we have so many threads here about what we want or don't want in a mate, I figured I would take it upon myself to make this easy for everyone. So next time you're about to go on that date to get mediocre ice cream and see a crappy movie, bring this along and feel free to use crayons to make it more fun!
√ Do they have the whole Bible memorized? This is extremely important to their faith. If they can't recite Habakkuk line for line then they're unholy and shouldn't be given another thought.
√ Do they smell good? If they haven't yet discovered the invention of soap, deodorant, shampoo, or rolling around in flowers then chances are they aren't your dream come true. Unless your dreams smell as bad as Battlefield Earth.
√ Are they virgins? If not then dump them. Clearly they aren't really Christians and are unworthy of your time and attention. In fact, if they've even uttered the word "sex" then they're nothing but trouble.
√ Make sure they've never kissed, touched, hugged, or even looked at another person. You don't want to be caught with someone with wandering eyes and hands.
√ Do they serve at least 25 hours per week at their church? If not then they clearly don't care about ministry.
√ Do they have a fancy and respectable job? If they don't drive a company car then they're losers!
√ Ladies: does he treat you like royalty without treating you like an idiot? If he holds too many doors open for you then clearly he doesn't think you're smart. Dump his butt!
√ Men: is she super hot? Clearly nothing is more important than making other guys jealous. Don't pay attention to what's inside; it's just guts and digesting food. Ick.
√ Do they want at least 7 kids? If they don't then clearly they're not family oriented. Give those Mormons a run for their money.
√ Are they rich? Do they show up in their Aston Martin with $400 clothes and a fancy umbrella? Those are crucial to any happy, healthy relationship.
√ Do they like to have fun? Obviously Christians can't have any of that. Make sure they never smile or laugh. Enjoying life is a sin, you know.
Feel free to add your own rules on here, too. These simple steps to happiness will make it easier for all of us.
√ Do they have the whole Bible memorized? This is extremely important to their faith. If they can't recite Habakkuk line for line then they're unholy and shouldn't be given another thought.
√ Do they smell good? If they haven't yet discovered the invention of soap, deodorant, shampoo, or rolling around in flowers then chances are they aren't your dream come true. Unless your dreams smell as bad as Battlefield Earth.
√ Are they virgins? If not then dump them. Clearly they aren't really Christians and are unworthy of your time and attention. In fact, if they've even uttered the word "sex" then they're nothing but trouble.
√ Make sure they've never kissed, touched, hugged, or even looked at another person. You don't want to be caught with someone with wandering eyes and hands.
√ Do they serve at least 25 hours per week at their church? If not then they clearly don't care about ministry.
√ Do they have a fancy and respectable job? If they don't drive a company car then they're losers!
√ Ladies: does he treat you like royalty without treating you like an idiot? If he holds too many doors open for you then clearly he doesn't think you're smart. Dump his butt!
√ Men: is she super hot? Clearly nothing is more important than making other guys jealous. Don't pay attention to what's inside; it's just guts and digesting food. Ick.
√ Do they want at least 7 kids? If they don't then clearly they're not family oriented. Give those Mormons a run for their money.
√ Are they rich? Do they show up in their Aston Martin with $400 clothes and a fancy umbrella? Those are crucial to any happy, healthy relationship.
√ Do they like to have fun? Obviously Christians can't have any of that. Make sure they never smile or laugh. Enjoying life is a sin, you know.
Feel free to add your own rules on here, too. These simple steps to happiness will make it easier for all of us.
You're both slackin', if they can't recite the whole Torah one our first date and then the NT on the second... psch, clearly has no heart for God 
