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CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
The laughter thread.
- Thread starter WarriorAngel
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- Mar 23, 2004
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- Mar 23, 2004
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This is a true story ...
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it!
Get out of the car!" the four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, some what shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove
to the Police station..
The sergeant to whom she told the story
couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it!
Get out of the car!" the four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, some what shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove
to the Police station..
The sergeant to whom she told the story
couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
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- Feb 5, 2002
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I can relate to that as just the other day I came out of the grocery store and walked up to my car.......and saw a huge dent! argh! A few seconds passed before I realized it was the same make and model, same color, just a diff car parked near where I was. whew.
But that's not my only same car story. Some years back I was on vacation in the Caribbean and my rental car was broken into (not exactly uncommon there). Shortly after that I was coming out of another place and saw someone closing the door to my car!! I ran up and confronted the scumbag.......only to then notice the exact same car, same color, not 3 spots away. Needless to say he got indignant but chilled out when I explained.
But that's not my only same car story. Some years back I was on vacation in the Caribbean and my rental car was broken into (not exactly uncommon there). Shortly after that I was coming out of another place and saw someone closing the door to my car!! I ran up and confronted the scumbag.......only to then notice the exact same car, same color, not 3 spots away. Needless to say he got indignant but chilled out when I explained.
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- Nov 29, 2005
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Swiped from elsewhere
A conversation
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:How many beers a day?
Man:Usually about 3 pints
Woman:How much do you pay per pint?
Man: Oh....about £3.50
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a pint of beer costs £3.50 and you have 3 pints a day which puts your spending each month at £315. In one year, it would be approximately £3,780 correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend £3,780, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at £75,600, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a variety of high-yielding ISAs and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: Where's your Ferrari?
A conversation
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:How many beers a day?
Man:Usually about 3 pints
Woman:How much do you pay per pint?
Man: Oh....about £3.50
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a pint of beer costs £3.50 and you have 3 pints a day which puts your spending each month at £315. In one year, it would be approximately £3,780 correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend £3,780, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at £75,600, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a variety of high-yielding ISAs and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: Where's your Ferrari?
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Sword of the Lord
In need of a physician.
- Dec 29, 2012
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mmksparbud
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Colin
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- Jun 9, 2010
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An Irishman goes into a bar in America and orders three whiskeys. The barman asks: "Would it be better if I put all three shots in one glass?"
The Irishman replies: "No! I have two other brothers back at home, so every time I come into a pub, I order a shot for them both."
The following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys.
The barman asks: "Did something happen to one of your brothers?"
"Oh no," replies the Irishman. "I just decided to quit drinking!"
The Irishman replies: "No! I have two other brothers back at home, so every time I come into a pub, I order a shot for them both."
The following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys.
The barman asks: "Did something happen to one of your brothers?"
"Oh no," replies the Irishman. "I just decided to quit drinking!"
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One Voice Among Many1
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An oldie, but since it's St Patricks Day
An Englishman, an Irishman, and Scottish man are drinking in a bar. A fly lands in each of their glasses right at the same time!
The Englishman, disgusted, pushes his beer away and orders another.
The Scot looks at the fly, shrugs, flicks out the fly and drinks the it down.
The Irishman is furious. He picks out the fly, grabs it by the wings and violently shakes the fly over his pint glass, yelling "Spit it out, ye thief, spit it out!!"
An Englishman, an Irishman, and Scottish man are drinking in a bar. A fly lands in each of their glasses right at the same time!
The Englishman, disgusted, pushes his beer away and orders another.
The Scot looks at the fly, shrugs, flicks out the fly and drinks the it down.
The Irishman is furious. He picks out the fly, grabs it by the wings and violently shakes the fly over his pint glass, yelling "Spit it out, ye thief, spit it out!!"
Last edited:
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- Feb 5, 2002
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Top 10 sales pitches for the Pope's fiat.
http://m.ncregister.com/blog/matthew-archbold/top-10-sales-pitches-for-popes-fiat#.VusF9kb3bCQ
http://m.ncregister.com/blog/matthew-archbold/top-10-sales-pitches-for-popes-fiat#.VusF9kb3bCQ
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Not to mention:
- only driven by a little old man to church on Sundays. And REAL special events.
- you'll never need to change that antifreeze mixed with holy water.
- comes with the best rosary beads hung from a rear-view mirror ever.
- only driven by a little old man to church on Sundays. And REAL special events.
- you'll never need to change that antifreeze mixed with holy water.
- comes with the best rosary beads hung from a rear-view mirror ever.
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Sword of the Lord
In need of a physician.
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- Feb 5, 2002
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