-
Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
-
CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
The laughter thread.
- Thread starter WarriorAngel
- Start date
Sword of the Lord
In need of a physician.
- Dec 29, 2012
- 14,062
- 7,683
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Engaged
Upvote
0
Colin
Senior Veteran
- Jun 9, 2010
- 11,093
- 6,889
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- UK - SNP
A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, " I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning a few moments later with a beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet led the dog out but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but like I said, your parrot is most definitely, 100% certifiably dead."
He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.
The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried. "£150 just to tell me my bird is dead?!"
The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would only have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan... what did you expect?"
The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning a few moments later with a beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet led the dog out but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but like I said, your parrot is most definitely, 100% certifiably dead."
He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.
The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried. "£150 just to tell me my bird is dead?!"
The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would only have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan... what did you expect?"
Upvote
0
- Feb 5, 2002
- 190,604
- 70,617
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
Upvote
0
Colin
Senior Veteran
- Jun 9, 2010
- 11,093
- 6,889
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- UK - SNP
It's dinner time in a Catholic school .
A nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching."
Further down the line is a pile of chocolate biscuits .
A little boy makes his own note........ "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
A nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching."
Further down the line is a pile of chocolate biscuits .
A little boy makes his own note........ "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Upvote
0
mea kulpa
Benedictine Traditional Catholic
A catholic man with sweaty stinky feet meets and falls in love with a catholic woman with really bad breath.
Throughout their relationship they avoid the temptation of sin and refrain even from kissing. Of course this suits both parties as neither feel comfortable revealing their personal hygiene problems.
On their wedding night the new husband disapears into the bathroom takes off his foul smelling socks throughs them under the basin scrubs his feet and sprays them with deoderant.
He flushes the toilet as cover for the nasty putrid smell that now fills the air in the bathroom. Then he goes and jumps into bed.
His bride thinks to herself, i should go brush my teeth and she goes into the bathroom. She brushes rinses brushes rinses gets some mouth wash and gargles 3 times and even ignores the warnings and swollows a little bit.
She then jumps into bed next to her husband... feeling a little guilty she decides to tell her new husband about her bad breath.....
As she snuggles in closer she whispers "i have something to tell you" the husband replies "dont bother, i already know... you've ate my socks"
Throughout their relationship they avoid the temptation of sin and refrain even from kissing. Of course this suits both parties as neither feel comfortable revealing their personal hygiene problems.
On their wedding night the new husband disapears into the bathroom takes off his foul smelling socks throughs them under the basin scrubs his feet and sprays them with deoderant.
He flushes the toilet as cover for the nasty putrid smell that now fills the air in the bathroom. Then he goes and jumps into bed.
His bride thinks to herself, i should go brush my teeth and she goes into the bathroom. She brushes rinses brushes rinses gets some mouth wash and gargles 3 times and even ignores the warnings and swollows a little bit.
She then jumps into bed next to her husband... feeling a little guilty she decides to tell her new husband about her bad breath.....
As she snuggles in closer she whispers "i have something to tell you" the husband replies "dont bother, i already know... you've ate my socks"
Upvote
0
Sword of the Lord
In need of a physician.
- Dec 29, 2012
- 14,062
- 7,683
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Engaged
Upvote
0
- Nov 29, 2005
- 58,446
- 16,758
- Faith
- Eastern Orthodox
- Marital Status
- Private
Contribution via my GodPapa
http://cyber-coenobites.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/notices.html?m=1
I'll just give you a taster - read the rest for yourselves
http://cyber-coenobites.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/notices.html?m=1
I'll just give you a taster - read the rest for yourselves
Upvote
0
Sword of the Lord
In need of a physician.
- Dec 29, 2012
- 14,062
- 7,683
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Engaged
Upvote
0
Colin
Senior Veteran
- Jun 9, 2010
- 11,093
- 6,889
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- UK - SNP
Two blokes are walking through a safari park and they come across a lion that has not eaten for days.
The lion starts chasing the two men.
They run as fast as they can and one of the blokes starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord."
He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees.
Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion.
As he comes closer to the lion, he hears it saying a prayer: " For what we are about to receive......"
The lion starts chasing the two men.
They run as fast as they can and one of the blokes starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord."
He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees.
Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion.
As he comes closer to the lion, he hears it saying a prayer: " For what we are about to receive......"
Upvote
0
Colin
Senior Veteran
- Jun 9, 2010
- 11,093
- 6,889
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- UK - SNP
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job.
So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.
Later they get together.
The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and now he wants to enrol on RCIA ”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a stretcher in a body cast.
“Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.”
So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.
Later they get together.
The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and now he wants to enrol on RCIA ”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a stretcher in a body cast.
“Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.”
Upvote
0
- Feb 5, 2002
- 190,604
- 70,617
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
Upvote
0
Sword of the Lord
In need of a physician.
- Dec 29, 2012
- 14,062
- 7,683
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Engaged
Upvote
0
Colin
Senior Veteran
- Jun 9, 2010
- 11,093
- 6,889
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- UK - SNP
An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation.
They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is).
As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close.
The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down.
When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out.
The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Quick , son, go get your mother!"
They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is).
As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close.
The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down.
When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out.
The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Quick , son, go get your mother!"
Upvote
0
Colin
Senior Veteran
- Jun 9, 2010
- 11,093
- 6,889
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- UK - SNP
A man spots a sign outside of a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.”
Intrigued, he walks in.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I've led a very full life,” says the dog.
“I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in WW2 . And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”
The man is flabbergasted.
He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
Intrigued, he walks in.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I've led a very full life,” says the dog.
“I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in WW2 . And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”
The man is flabbergasted.
He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
Upvote
0
Similar threads
