The laughter thread.

[Colin]

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

The first man says, 'Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married ."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, like a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."

 

[Anhelyna]

OH COLIN !!

Where do you get these ?

 

[WarriorAngel]

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

The first man says, 'Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married ."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, like a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."

you are deranged... LOL

 

[WarriorAngel]

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"




Student: "Homework!"

snort...

 

[Colin]

A duck walks into a pub and says to the barman: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any blasted bread ."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf, we haven't got any darned bread, ask me again and I'll nail your stupid beak to the bar you irritating bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?

 

[Michie]

 

[Colin]

Three fastest means of communication..................


1)tele-phone



2)Tele- vision



3)Tell-a-woman


..............even faster .....tell her not to tell anyone else.

 

[Michie]

Can I smack you now Colin?

 

[Colin]

Can I smack you now Colin?

I'd better not answer that question .

 

[Sumwear]

Reminds me of a quote.

A woman's mind is more cleaner than a man's: she changes it more often.

 

[Michie]

Argh!

Reminds me of a quote.

A woman's mind is more cleaner than a man's: she changes it more often.

 

[Michie]

There used to be the cutest little emoticon waving a rolling pin. We need one of those.

 

[Michie]

 

[Colin]

Reminds me of a quote.

Which reminds me.....................................

Once upon a time , a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.



One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of
the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys.



Not wanting to disappoint any children on this eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon, they were driving along delivering the toys.



Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident……..



QUESTION: Who was the survivor?

(scroll down for answer)







































ANSWER: The perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man……



Women, stop reading here, that is the end of the joke, Men, keep scrolling….



















So if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident…. (men keep scrolling)







































By the way, if you’re a woman and you’re still reading, this illustrates another point: WOMEN NEVER LISTEN !
__________________

 

[Michie]

Lol!!!!

 

[Colin]

Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories on how they died.

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the living room watching TV.

1st woman: So what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman hiding somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere.Finally, I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack .
and died!

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd both still be
alive.

 

[Anhelyna]

He's at it again

How big is your filing cabinet Colin ?

 

[Michie]

He has a million of them!

 

[Colin]

He's at it again

How big is your filing cabinet Colin ?

A bit bigger than this........

 

[Anhelyna]