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The laughter thread.

brinny

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Yeah, that is the same look I give someone when they ask me what frybread is. ;)

awesome...i love frybread (also known as "pan bread") although it was the Navajo who developed this recipe, i believe. :D
 
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Anhelyna

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Make sure you have no liquids near your computer

You have been warned !

Four Ukrainian brothers left their village to study. After many years they became successful lawyers and doctors, and prospered.

Some years later they were discussing what Christmas gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far in a small town.

The first said: "I had a big house built for Mama".

The second said: "I had a hundred thousand dollar theatre / cinema built in Mama's house".

The third said: "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to Mama".

The fourth said: "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible, and you know she can't read because she can't see very well. I met our priest who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. He told me it took the monks twelve years to teach it to do that. I pledged to contribute $100,000 a year for three years to the Ukrainian Orthodox Church if I could have that parrot. I got it, and it was worth it. Now, Mama just has to name a chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it".

The brothers were impressed.

After Christmas Mama sent out her thank-you notes. She wrote:

"Ivan, the house you built is so big. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. But thank you, my dear".

"Slavko, you gave me an expensive cinema with Dolby sound. It holds 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and am nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thanks, dear, anyway".

"Myroslav, I'm too old to travel. I stay at home and have my groceries delivered, so I'll never use the Mercedes. The thought was good, thanks".

"My dearest Andriy, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious! Thank you, and have a lovely day! Mama".
 
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Colin

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Make sure you have no liquids near your computer

You have been warned !

Four Ukrainian brothers left their village to study. After many years they became successful lawyers and doctors, and prospered.

Some years later they were discussing what Christmas gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far in a small town.

The first said: "I had a big house built for Mama".

The second said: "I had a hundred thousand dollar theatre / cinema built in Mama's house".

The third said: "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to Mama".

The fourth said: "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible, and you know she can't read because she can't see very well. I met our priest who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. He told me it took the monks twelve years to teach it to do that. I pledged to contribute $100,000 a year for three years to the Ukrainian Orthodox Church if I could have that parrot. I got it, and it was worth it. Now, Mama just has to name a chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it".

The brothers were impressed.

After Christmas Mama sent out her thank-you notes. She wrote:

"Ivan, the house you built is so big. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. But thank you, my dear".

"Slavko, you gave me an expensive cinema with Dolby sound. It holds 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and am nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thanks, dear, anyway".

"Myroslav, I'm too old to travel. I stay at home and have my groceries delivered, so I'll never use the Mercedes. The thought was good, thanks".

"My dearest Andriy, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious! Thank you, and have a lovely day! Mama".

:oldthumbsup: That is funny , Anhelyna , .......just up my street . :D
 
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Colin

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Ed finally decides to take a holiday. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life, until the boat sinks. He finds himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him.

In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" "I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you." "Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw materials I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But-but, that's impossible," stutters Ed. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?" "Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware." Ed is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.

As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please. Would you like to have a drink?" "No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "I can't take any more coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom." No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened onto its end inside of a swivel mechanism. "Wow! This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"

When she returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you'd really like right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know..."

She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing: "Nay lass ! ", he swallows excitedly, " Don't say you've got a chip pan"
 
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Colin

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A husband rolled in sozzled on Christmas Eve, and was in big trouble when he forgot to get a Christmas present for his wife.

His wife told him, "Tomorrow, there better be something in the driveway for me that goes 0 to 200 in 2 seconds flat."

The next day, on Christmas morning, the wife found a small package in the driveway.

She opened it and found a brand new set of bathroom scales.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday .
 
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Michie

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ROTFLOL!!!

A husband rolled in sozzled on Christmas Eve, and was in big trouble when he forgot to get a Christmas present for his wife.

His wife told him, "Tomorrow, there better be something in the driveway for me that goes 0 to 200 in 2 seconds flat."

The next day, on Christmas morning, the wife found a small package in the driveway.

She opened it and found a brand new set off bathroom scales.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday .
 
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One Voice Among Many1

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000.jpg
 
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Colin

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A man is at work and he starts messing around with some dangerous machines.

By accident he chops his hand off.

So his friend says, "Come on, we've got to get you to the hospital." So he puts the hand in a plastic bag and off they go.

Next day this guy is back in to work and his mate says, "What happened? I thought you'd lost your hand?" and he says, "No, it's ths new micro-surgery. It's great. It's as good as new."

So he starts messing around by the machines again and this time he cuts his arm off.

His mate says, "Come on, let's get you down to the hospital." and he gets his arm and puts it in a plastic bag and off they go.

Next day, back into work again and he says "This micro surgery is absolutely brilliant."

He starts messing around by the machines again but this time his whole head comes off.

His friends puts the head in a plastic bag and takes him down to the hospital again.

Next day he doesn't show up.

His mate wonders what happened.

The boss says "Oh, didn't you hear? He died."

His mate says, "What about this new micro surgery? Couldn't they do it this time?"

The boss says "Oh yeah, they could have done the op but he'd already suffocated from being in the plastic bag."
 
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Colin

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Last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......
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Sword of the Lord

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LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.
 
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