The Lame Joke Thread

[Timothew]

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? He was too LAME!

 

[Leggomyegolas]

What's blue and hangs on the wall?











A blue wall hanger.











What's yellow and hangs on the wall?


















Nope, they don't come in that color.

 

[Leggomyegolas]

How do you kill a wild elephant?
With a wild elephant gun.

How do you kill a tame elephant?
Tame way.

 

[Leggomyegolas]

One day, George W Bush, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama were flying in an airplane together, and the plane crashes. They find themselves standing before the throne of God, and he asks each of them why He should allow them into Heaven.

Clinton speaks up first, "I'm a former president of the United States, and I did not have sexual relations with that woman." God lets him in.

Dubya is next, "I'm a former president of the United States, and I led the nation in pursuit of terrorists, and ended Saddam Hussein's reign of terror in Iraq." God lets him in too.

Obama is the last one left. God asks him, "What about you? Why should I let you into my Heaven?" "Well, I'm Barrack Obama. I'm the current president of the United States, and I believe you're in my chair."

 

[E-LO]

There once was a little frog who wanted to take out a home improvement loan to fix up his pad. His name is Kermit Jagger.
He hopped over to his local bank, went up to the teller and said, "Hi, I'd like to take out a loan to fix up my pad."

The teller replied, "You need to see our loan officer. Her name is "Patricia Black."
So the frog hops over to the loan officer's desk and sits down. When Patricia arrives she ask, "What can I do for you?"
The frog says, "I'd like to take out a loan to fix up my pad."
Patricia asked, "What do you have for collateral?"
After thinking for a couple of moments about what he could offer the frog reaches into his little froggy pocket and pulls out a small white elephant.
"This is a very unusual form of collateral." said Patricia. "I'll have to check with our bank president to see if it's ok."
Patricia goes to the president and says, "There's a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who want's a home loan and this white elephant is all he is offering for collateral. What should I do?"
The bank president takes the small white elephant and after carefully examining it hands it back to Patricia and says, "It's a nick-knack Patty Black give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Had To see that one coming

 

[E-LO]

A blonde,brunett and red head,sneak into the back of a pickup tuck and got in to potato sacks to sneak across the border,when the truck stopped to be check one guard kicked the bag with the redhead and she made a dog sound,woof woof woof,then the guard kicked the brunett bag and it made a chicken sound,cluck cluck cluck,last he kicked the blonde bag and she says,potato potato potato....they get busted


Its the stupidest joke ever,my husband told it to me,i guess he thought it was funny...

 

[Timothew]

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day after coming from an exhilarating choir performance, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just thinking about how wonderful the Lord is and I didnt notice that the light had changed. It's a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I never would have noticed the light! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all those lovely people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach".
I saw another gentleman waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing...why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to ask me what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folk

 

[stormdancer0]

Why did the skeleton not cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.




Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the possum it could be done.



How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One - but it has to really WANT to change,

 

[WannaWitness]

Q: "What did Snow White say after she had her picture taken?"

A: "Someday my 'prints' will come!"

 

[tffnysmth]

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted. LOL!

 

[tffnysmth]

Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his pizza? He ate it before it was cool.

 

[tisasituation]

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A BUCCANEER!

 

[WannaWitness]

If you're in the mood for lame jokes, there are hundreds of them to be found at the following link:

Really Bad Jokes

 

[smithwood]

Lol these jokes are terrible!! I'll teach my daughter a few of them

 

[Cute Tink]

A guy walks into a bar. He says "ouch".

 

[dpr8ter]

3 men walk into a bar, the fourth one ducks.

A blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a preacher, a priest, and a rabbi all walk into a bar, the bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "Why the long face"

 

[ernest_theweedwhackerguy]

What do you call a fish that makes you an offer you can't refuse?

The Codfather.

 

[generalbreadbasket]

Knock knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?

Justin case you didn't hear me, I'll knock again

Knock, knock
Who's there
Canoe
Canoe who?

Canoe hear me now?

 

[Alienated]

A little boy asks God how long a second is in Heaven, God said it's more than a hundered years.
Boy asks: How much is a penny worth in Heaven, God says a million dollars.
Boy asks: God can I have a penny now, God says : Just a second....

 

[ronny]

there are 10 types of people in the world
those who get binary and those who dont