The end of a close family relationship

[chokmah3]

There is a family member ("A") that I have been very close to for most of my life. Recently there has been a falling out, mainly due to my standing up for myself when someone else in the family became abusive towards me. (As a little background, I was in an abusive marriage for many years, and am adamant about not allowing others to be blatantly abusive towards me.) As a result of stating very clearly that I won't tolerate being treated in such a manner, family member A has attacked me with very hurtful words and lies.

While a part of me is deeply wounded by A's actions, another part of me doesn't care, and it's a real struggle for me. One minute I'm overcome with grief over the loss of what was, and the next minute I think "who cares?" I am a believer, but A is not, and this is the only reason I can think of why I have these thoughts. As I have grown in my faith, I have noticed that there are less and less non-believers in my inner circle.

Has anyone been through a situation like this? Are these feelings normal?

 

[iamjcs]

Don't try to shield yourself from the negatives & thus also from the possitives.

Let God shield & protect you & let His love shine through you to this person "A".

God's love can breakthrough the hardest shells that nothing else can.

By loving "A" in spite of "A"'s actions you will either draw "A" to God or pour hot coals on "A", if he refuses to change for the better.

 

[janny108]

Have you read anything by Joyce Meyer? She has had an abusive past too. I agree with the other poster, but it's not like he is just doing "bad things". Abuse is physical, mental, emotional and maybe you need to speak to someone familiar wth thise kind of issues, like your pastor or professional person can help you deal with the abuse.

This is a tough situation and I'm sorry it happened to you.
Jan

 

[2 King]

Has anyone been through a situation like this?

Like Janny said, Joyce Meyer has been through that stuff, she's a great evangelist.
you should listen to her.

Are these feelings normal?

Absolutley.

As I have grown in my faith, I have noticed that there are less and less non-believers in my inner circle.

That's great. That happens when you get closer and closer to God. Spiritual eyes begin to open and you see the lost souls who need saving.

While a part of me is deeply wounded by A's actions, another part of me doesn't care, and it's a real struggle for me. One minute I'm overcome with grief over the loss of what was, and the next minute I think "who cares?"

Be careful...offense is a deadly trap laid out by the devil and can turn into many things.
By the way, Dual personalities are completely normal. A common defense system that people have (Although not everyone has it.)

 

[wonderwaleye]

There is a family member ("A") that I have been very close to for most of my life. Recently there has been a falling out, mainly due to my standing up for myself when someone else in the family became abusive towards me. (As a little background, I was in an abusive marriage for many years, and am adamant about not allowing others to be blatantly abusive towards me.) As a result of stating very clearly that I won't tolerate being treated in such a manner, family member A has attacked me with very hurtful words and lies.

While a part of me is deeply wounded by A's actions, another part of me doesn't care, and it's a real struggle for me. One minute I'm overcome with grief over the loss of what was, and the next minute I think "who cares?" I am a believer, but A is not, and this is the only reason I can think of why I have these thoughts. As I have grown in my faith, I have noticed that there are less and less non-believers in my inner circle.

Has anyone been through a situation like this? Are these feelings normal?

Yes many have been through this and the LORD gave us a warning that it would be this way:



Matthew
Chapter 10




34 "Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword.




35 For I have come to set a man 'against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;




36 and one's enemies will be those of his household.'




37 "Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me;




38 and whoever does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me








Hope this helps bring UNDERSTANDING of a bad situation.




LOVE



steven

 

[Elijah2]

There is a family member ("A") that I have been very close to for most of my life. Recently there has been a falling out, mainly due to my standing up for myself when someone else in the family became abusive towards me. (As a little background, I was in an abusive marriage for many years, and am adamant about not allowing others to be blatantly abusive towards me.) As a result of stating very clearly that I won't tolerate being treated in such a manner, family member A has attacked me with very hurtful words and lies.

While a part of me is deeply wounded by A's actions, another part of me doesn't care, and it's a real struggle for me. One minute I'm overcome with grief over the loss of what was, and the next minute I think "who cares?" I am a believer, but A is not, and this is the only reason I can think of why I have these thoughts. As I have grown in my faith, I have noticed that there are less and less non-believers in my inner circle.

Has anyone been through a situation like this? Are these feelings normal?

There is a family member ("A") that I have been very close to for most of my life. Recently there has been a falling out, mainly due to my standing up for myself when someone else in the family became abusive towards me. (As a little background, I was in an abusive marriage for many years, and am adamant about not allowing others to be blatantly abusive towards me.) As a result of stating very clearly that I won't tolerate being treated in such a manner, family member A has attacked me with very hurtful words and lies.
Hurt causes anger, bitterness, and resentfulness. All are sin! You don’t allow the sun to set on anger, nor allow the root of bitterness to spring up.

Now, you said you are hurt by innuendoes, then forgiven them and love them, and then rectify the damage done by “spoken words”.

While a part of me is deeply wounded by A's actions,
When we are deeply wounded, we have to get over it, by confessing and repented our attitude toward the hurt that has been applied to us. We then forgive those people, and then walk away and focus on our Lord Jesus Christ.

Now, even if I have forgiven and I love them, I would then speak to the person concerned, and sort it out with them, and tell that you have forgiven them and that you love them, and then walk away from them.

another part of me doesn't care, and it's a real struggle for me. One minute I'm overcome with grief over the loss of what was, and the next minute I think "who cares?"
This is due to your unforgiveness, and you are allowing their bad manners to control your life.

I am a believer, but A is not, and this is the only reason I can think of why I have these thoughts.
HIS WORD speaks about being unequally yoked with unbelievers, and you are allowing your hurt to control your life.

As I have grown in my faith, I have noticed that there are less and less non-believers in my inner circle.
That’s good, then you can focus on the things that HE wants you to focus on.

Has anyone been through a situation like this? Are these feelings normal?
When we walk and allow ourselves to led by the Spirit, these feelings are not normal.

Blessings.

 

[hikingchick77]

I've been through it my entire life! I'm reading a helpful Christian book which deals with these issues, and is making the journey easier as I learn and go through the exercises. Please PM me if you would like more info.

 

[heron]

When we are cautious about how our words will hit others, everything stays in control. We don't mind being abused a little, taking the brunt in order to keep peace. If we do it too much, people get used to it and start trampling others.

You made the conscious decision not to guard your words so carefully. What happened is what should have happened years ago. It is so painful because they didn't see it coming, and were used to being free to trample. You were always there to pick up the pieces, and now you are shifting your role -- which necessitates that others shift their role. And that annoys people.

But this will settle out, and they will become more mature for it. Hopefully! You took the risk that you didn't take before.

Measure how much of this risk you can handle. I think it's completely normal that you would be more assertive and protective after being harmed. They can deal with it. It's just new things about yourself and your relationships that will take some getting used to. But it's a good thing.

 

[unity777]

Place Family Member "a" At The Lords Feet I Have Had A Very Similar Situation In My Life "my Mom" She Had Been A Christian For A While I Was Not ,she Would Always Attack Me With The Word Of God Trying To Show Everthing I Was Doing Wrong ,also Falsely Accused Me Of Doing Drugs To The Point Of My Aunts Last Dying Wish, Was To Promise I Would Not Do Them Any More I Had To Promise To Her I Wouldnt Even Thou I Had Never Done Drugs She Accused Me Of Many Other Things ,it Would Take Me Days To Say Everything She Has Put Me Thru, I Was At The Point I Was Contemplating Sucide I Couldnt Take Life Anymore I Felt As A Total Faliure But On One Beautifull Day I Was Driving By An Empty Church "mind You I Never Believed In God And Said To Myself If Christians Are Like My Mom Id Rather Go To Hell"but As I Drove By That Church God Started Tuging At My Heart To Go In ,a Struggle Started Within Me And Needless To Say God Won, From The Moment I Opened The Doors This Overwhelming Presence Of Love Consumed Me ,and I Fell To My Knees In Tears I Was Able To Make It To One Of The Benches And Stayed Kneeled There For About Half An Hour, I Had Many Questions In My Life At The Time Before I Could Ask Them They Were Answered But One Of Things I Had In My Heart Was My Expierence With My Mom To The Time God Knew I Was Innocent Of All The Things My Mom Had Put Me Thru But He Made Me Understand That I Had No Right To Feel Hatred Towards My Mom As I Did He Told Me To Go And Ask Forgivness And When God So Undeniably Reveals Something To You There Is No Other Way Then His Way I Went And Got On My Knees Crying Asking Her For Forgivness She Didnt Understand What Was Going On And Niether Did I , Well At The Present Time Not Much Has Changed Between Me And My Mom I Just Dont Let Her Offenses Get To My Heart Any More And I Love Her But I Give Space Between Us I Cant Have The Relationship I Want With My Mother But More Important I Cant Let Biterness And Hate Consume My Life It Allmost Killed Me ,i Came To God With This Situation A Long Time Ago Years After My First Experience With God And Asked What Should I Do With My Mom We Have Had Many Mediators Who All Came To The Conclusion She Was The One At Fualt
But She Has Never Recognized It So God Put In My Heart To Put Some Distance Between Us She Eventually Moved 200 Miles Away We Dont See Each Other Much And Talk A Couple Of Times A Week So We Still Have Some What Of A Relationship ,but Dont Completly Forsake Your Family Member If His Or Hers Unjust Abuse Continues Just Give Each Other Space Maintaining Peace In Your Heart At All Time I Will Be Praying For You
Much Love
Dave

 

[BreadAlone]

Pray for "A" continually. Make sure you are above reproach in word and deed when around them, so that the love of Christ may be reflected off of you. Hopefully through you, God can bring "A" to the Truth, and your relationship can once again grow and flourish. Pray for "A," and I will pray for you.

 

[chokmah3]

Thank you so much for the replies and advice and scriptures. As I read, I realized that I do feel anger and bitterness towards A, and it's such a terrible feeling. For now, I think it's best to just stay away and let both our emotions calm down. And I will pray for A. I don't want to, but I know that's what I need to be doing.