I have a mental illness called Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar Type. I had not been very responsible with taking my medication the last few months, I thought I had the strength to beat this demon by myself. You see I gave my heart to Jesus and was saved at an altar of god, supported by my fiance's father who I had gotten to close to due to not having a relationship with my own father, he prayed with me and never left my side. From then I was constantly tormented by the devil for each and everyday and it got so bad I lost my way, I couldn't connect with the Lord because I was too busy fighting off the devils tricks and laughter as he slowly brought about my downfall. I wasn't raised in a church family, I believed there was someone watching, someone who had a plan for me, I just didn't think I was worthy of his love. How could I be? I had been abused as a child, betrayed by the people I loved the most and lost two precious children I will never get to watch grow into adults, turned to alcohol and drugs heavily, and living a very dangerous lifestyle which lead to a vehicle accident that brought on my mental problems. It slowly began to rip my heart apart. I sat in my room for 4 years only coming out to eat seldom and use the bathroom, then returning to my comfort zone.
On October 4, 2011 my heart broke lose from the chains I had locked it with inside my soul. I met my fiance', boy did I fall in love at first sight. We met at a park in town and though I was hesitant, I decided to talk to her, I've never felt so alive as I did that day in the park. This beautiful amazing woman with so many qualities I had yearned for. I was damaged but I wasn't broken when I met this woman, and let me tell you she healed me with all the love in her precious heart. She too had been hurt before by idiots who didn't know what they had. Their loss my gain, I was going to heal this woman the way she healed me. She made me feel alive again, she made me want to get out of bed in the morning. She made me want to be the man she saw inside of me. We have had battles and a lot has happened. It has been two years and we have our own apartment, a beautiful 3 year old little boy and plans to spend our life together.
I met Kayla's parents with a bit of anxiety because I wanted them to see past my tattoos and my rough exterior and see the real me, a loving child of god who couldn't seem to find guidance from any source. This family of hers, are unlike anyone I have met. Even then at that moment I knew it was where I belonged and I would be a part of it one day. I finally found myself.
I need you to know all of this because I want you to understand, that no one has ever took interest in me, not even my own family, I spent 19 years in solitude on my own. I was not a planned birth. I had no purpose or guardian angel or any kind of logic for my existence. Growing up I was always bullied or laughed at, made fun and it was so bad I was not just beaten daily by groups of other classmates but emotionally scarred by the vulgar and demeaning nicknames they came up with because I wore the same clothes every day and didn't associate with anyone. The sexual abuse I suffered as a child destroyed my spirit.
Well on a normal Sunday morning in 2013, I was asked by my fiance' Kayla, to attend church with her, I didn't have the courage to go. Michael, her father, called me and asked if I was ready for church, I replied yes and got dressed. During prayer he asked me as I had asked him earlier to kneel before the altar. When my knees touched the floor I felt so much energy release from my body that I had to wrap my arms around this amazing man and he held on to me until we got rid of the devil. My church was there for me and I want to thank Greg, a fellow church member, for praying with us, it really meant a lot to me.
We returned to our seats as the pastor gave an amazing service. I felt as though he was speaking directly to me. It made me feel such clarity. He also called and prayed with me at my home the day after.
The service was based on the love of Jesus Christ and putting all you have in the world to honor his power and glory. Everything else is just objects with no value. I donated $10 i know it isn't much but it is all i had and i wanted Jesus to have it. The pastor started to talk about people who look down at the ground instead of up. I am one of those people and I have been for a long time. Since my car accident I lost a lot of my nerves and day to day life is hard sometimes with my condition.
When I heard those words everything became silent. What I am about to tell you is the honest truth. I put this on everything that I am.
I began to hear a strange sound that I can only describe as a glowing sound and it grew louder and louder, then for the first time in my life, I looked up. I saw a small sphere shaped light, golden in color hovering in the corner of the stage above our choir. It began to glow brighter and the longer I looked the more I wanted to look. What I felt was monumental and changed me forever. Jesus was embodied inside me and he was in the glowing light and he is in everything and everyone of us. He spoke to me but not with words. He revealed himself in this form to invoke my inner spirit, I knew what he wanted to say before he spoke it. I could feel we were one even if for a moment. I had the most amazing feeling run through my body and I wanted to scream THANK YOU JESUS! The voices in my head grew silent. My tremors slowed down to a comfortable pace. I knew what needed to be done. I have been changed and it is up to me to honor the Lord for the blessings I am receiving.
I believe I am one of his chosen souls to reveal himself to. This is my place in the world. Devoting my life to God, taking care of my family and concentrating on whats important. I wanted to get back into music and contribute to Jesus for all he has done for me. I want to thank my wife for believing in me and knowing there was good to be found and never gave up on me. Carol, her mother who has been like a mother to me, for her desire to always take a few minutes of the day to make me smile like only she can. To Chasity, my fiance's sister, who now is closer to me then my own sister has ever been, for letting me in her heart. Most of all Michael, for giving me guidance, for loving me despite my flaws and being a father to me as I want to be a father to my own son, following his footsteps.
I found Jesus on that day and I know what he looks like. He is hope, he is love and he is everlasting. PRAISE JESUS!
I'm finally home.
On October 4, 2011 my heart broke lose from the chains I had locked it with inside my soul. I met my fiance', boy did I fall in love at first sight. We met at a park in town and though I was hesitant, I decided to talk to her, I've never felt so alive as I did that day in the park. This beautiful amazing woman with so many qualities I had yearned for. I was damaged but I wasn't broken when I met this woman, and let me tell you she healed me with all the love in her precious heart. She too had been hurt before by idiots who didn't know what they had. Their loss my gain, I was going to heal this woman the way she healed me. She made me feel alive again, she made me want to get out of bed in the morning. She made me want to be the man she saw inside of me. We have had battles and a lot has happened. It has been two years and we have our own apartment, a beautiful 3 year old little boy and plans to spend our life together.
I met Kayla's parents with a bit of anxiety because I wanted them to see past my tattoos and my rough exterior and see the real me, a loving child of god who couldn't seem to find guidance from any source. This family of hers, are unlike anyone I have met. Even then at that moment I knew it was where I belonged and I would be a part of it one day. I finally found myself.
I need you to know all of this because I want you to understand, that no one has ever took interest in me, not even my own family, I spent 19 years in solitude on my own. I was not a planned birth. I had no purpose or guardian angel or any kind of logic for my existence. Growing up I was always bullied or laughed at, made fun and it was so bad I was not just beaten daily by groups of other classmates but emotionally scarred by the vulgar and demeaning nicknames they came up with because I wore the same clothes every day and didn't associate with anyone. The sexual abuse I suffered as a child destroyed my spirit.
Well on a normal Sunday morning in 2013, I was asked by my fiance' Kayla, to attend church with her, I didn't have the courage to go. Michael, her father, called me and asked if I was ready for church, I replied yes and got dressed. During prayer he asked me as I had asked him earlier to kneel before the altar. When my knees touched the floor I felt so much energy release from my body that I had to wrap my arms around this amazing man and he held on to me until we got rid of the devil. My church was there for me and I want to thank Greg, a fellow church member, for praying with us, it really meant a lot to me.
We returned to our seats as the pastor gave an amazing service. I felt as though he was speaking directly to me. It made me feel such clarity. He also called and prayed with me at my home the day after.
The service was based on the love of Jesus Christ and putting all you have in the world to honor his power and glory. Everything else is just objects with no value. I donated $10 i know it isn't much but it is all i had and i wanted Jesus to have it. The pastor started to talk about people who look down at the ground instead of up. I am one of those people and I have been for a long time. Since my car accident I lost a lot of my nerves and day to day life is hard sometimes with my condition.
When I heard those words everything became silent. What I am about to tell you is the honest truth. I put this on everything that I am.
I began to hear a strange sound that I can only describe as a glowing sound and it grew louder and louder, then for the first time in my life, I looked up. I saw a small sphere shaped light, golden in color hovering in the corner of the stage above our choir. It began to glow brighter and the longer I looked the more I wanted to look. What I felt was monumental and changed me forever. Jesus was embodied inside me and he was in the glowing light and he is in everything and everyone of us. He spoke to me but not with words. He revealed himself in this form to invoke my inner spirit, I knew what he wanted to say before he spoke it. I could feel we were one even if for a moment. I had the most amazing feeling run through my body and I wanted to scream THANK YOU JESUS! The voices in my head grew silent. My tremors slowed down to a comfortable pace. I knew what needed to be done. I have been changed and it is up to me to honor the Lord for the blessings I am receiving.
I believe I am one of his chosen souls to reveal himself to. This is my place in the world. Devoting my life to God, taking care of my family and concentrating on whats important. I wanted to get back into music and contribute to Jesus for all he has done for me. I want to thank my wife for believing in me and knowing there was good to be found and never gave up on me. Carol, her mother who has been like a mother to me, for her desire to always take a few minutes of the day to make me smile like only she can. To Chasity, my fiance's sister, who now is closer to me then my own sister has ever been, for letting me in her heart. Most of all Michael, for giving me guidance, for loving me despite my flaws and being a father to me as I want to be a father to my own son, following his footsteps.
I found Jesus on that day and I know what he looks like. He is hope, he is love and he is everlasting. PRAISE JESUS!
I'm finally home.
