For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. -Rom 14:17
There's a progression there. First comes righteousness. Not self-righteousness, but right standing with God that is an unmerited free gift through Christ.
For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. -Rom 10:3
and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— -Phil 3:9
Php 3 goes on to say how Paul forgets what went before and presses on to the high calling. Right-standing leads to peace, and peace leads to joy. If you doubt your righteousness in Christ, you short-circuit that progression. But to do so you have to elevate your sin above Christ's sacrifice. What possible basis is there for doing that? None. Christ as perfect man paid our debt completely. Christ as Son of God overpaid our debt and elevated us far above anything our original father Adam could have attained. There is no power in the universe greater than the blood of the Lamb. It is the very vehicle of God's love.
God has not given us a spirit of fear (2Tim 1.7). This is not of Him. Rather, He has set us free from the fear of death and the bondage it brings in this life (Heb 2.15). You need only accept it. Don't put feelings or past performance first. Accept it as truth. Commit yourself to it, establish your heart in it, build your life on it. In time the feelings will come. Don't give up on God. The meek and lowly One will not reject you. Only come sincerely and you will find rest (Mt 11.28-ff). The Author is also the Finisher (Heb 13). He who has begun a good work in you will complete it (php 1), and will work all things for good (Rm 8.28). Fear not; only believe.
I was saved but feel i threw it away. God gave me a dillusion thinking i was saved and could go on sinning. I was a hypocrite and feel like he gave me a reprobate mind. Im desperately trying to seek Him again. Once He removed the dillusion, i saw what i did and flipped out
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