Terrible 2's how to navigate them

[Macchiato]

So my son is about tobe 2and is going through big emotions by screaming and all of that. How do i handle tantrums and melt downs?

How to correct without spanking?

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Does the kid throw tantrums when dad is there? If not you are probably too permissive, are spoiling the kid, or not giving him enough attention.

Spanking has a place in child 'rearing'.

 

[GallagherM]

Hmmmm. I’ve never had a child… ever try reading to him/her? It might not work, but it worth a try? Maybe teething ? Teething tends to make a toddler cranky. Try thinking of some type of game to play with him/her? Sure it is tough, friend hang in there.

 

[Sketcher]

Without spanking? Good luck. That's the age where my brother's kids found out they enjoyed kicking their parents in the face.

Don't get louder than they are. They know they can compete with that.

 

[pescador]

So my son is about tobe 2and is going through big emotions by screaming and all of that. How do i handle tantrums and melt downs?

How to correct without spanking?

You wait him out, isolating him if necessary. Once he realizes that tantrums and melt downs don't work he'll find a better way.

 

[CuriousPagan]

My mom would sit down and start laughing. It distracted me, but I think I may have legit driven her crazy...at least the tantrums stopped.

 

[mina]

Keep a regular schedule so they know what is coming. Make sure you get a nap in for him, regular meal times, be consistent and always calm. Have activities or things ready so he's not bored. I had bins of activities I only pulled out if I saw behaviors gearing up for a meltdown- like sensory water beads or playdoh or whatever. It was a great distraction. Have a plan ahead of time: ex: if you are going to do time out make sure he knows that is what is going to happen, he knows the expectations, he knows the behaviors that will get him that punishment, etc... talk it over with him often even have a chart that shows visual clues- green,yellow, red maybe. Kids this age LOVE and crave schedules and familiarity ; they want to know what is coming and knowing what will happen if they break a rule. We didn't spank and really didn't have a too bad experience with terrible twos.

 

[ironbjorn]

The sooner you realize kids that young cry and have tantrums and that's just the way it is, the better. You can't and won't stop it.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

Problem is you are dealing wiht a human being and we are all different. What works for one doesnt work for another.

Your question of how do you handle tantrums and meltdowns can be interpretted two ways. One being how do you deal with the child which most people seem to be giving an opinion on. As I said we are all different, so you will need to find what works best for you and them. I'm sure you will manage to get through it. Its also worth knowing that children can be very different in one specific way that they can carry all through chldhood. It is that most children play up for the parents but are better with other people like chldcare. Some though are the other way around, they are better for the parents but really play up for anyone else. Both have their advantages and disadvantages.

The other way of interpretting the question is how do you cope with it. This I think is a better question to answer for you. First of all, you've already indicated the important thing, its a normal part of childhood. Theres not a huge amount you can do to stop it, you just need to manage it so you dont traumatise the child, or yourself for that matter. Of course dont blame yourself. Try to keep your cool as well and not let it get to you. Billions of parents have already been through it, you've only got a year to get through of the terrible two's and then its the...um...terrible three's. Good luck.

 

[Ahermit]

Remain open to the guidance of the Spirit of Truth within you.
Remain unconditionally loving and the truth will reveal itself to both you and child.
The child basically needs to be reminded that they are okay.

 

[BobRyan]

So my son is about tobe 2and is going through big emotions by screaming and all of that. How do i handle tantrums and melt downs?

How to correct without spanking?

Spanking goes a long way .. one swat usually startles the 2 year old child into thinking something has gone horribly wrong and they need to re-think their knee-jerk-rage idea. Children that young do not have firm self-control mechanisms in place and they need something beside an abstract tool like a "counseling lecture" as a quick reminder.

A very warm and affectionate parent gets a lot of leverage from a one-swat-spanking now and then because it is such a huge contrast for the child - that it stands out as "a place they don't want to go" --

The Bible says that the parent that will not discipline - hates their child. But modern humanism claims the opposite. Prov 13:24
Prov 13:24 -- He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

Heb 12:
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
Nor faint when you are reproved by Him;
6 For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines,
And He scourges every son whom He receives.”

7 It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live?

 

[mama2one]

1) rocked our child daily when young- sometimes sensed when she was overwhelmed and then would rock again

2) only ventured out once/day at the young ages or she'd be overwhelmed & made sure to always bring a snack

3) play with water outside OR put in bathtub- water is calming

4) we'd go outside & run around the house to get out that extra energy if sensed a meltdown coming


kids can't use words to express their frustration or tell us they're overwhelmed....tantrums are showing us WE need to find out what they need be it more downtime, food, naps, quiet, holding, etc

 

[coffee4u]

@Macchiato not sure if you are still around as you have not replied back to your thread

Spanking is rarely the solution to tantrums. I would leave that for far more serious issues like running out into the street.

Toddlers are still babies with little emotional control. Yes they can now walk and talk some and this makes them appear a lot older, but in reality they are still babies with more control over their bodies with a very basic understanding of what danger and no is.

-Make sure he gets enough sleep. A two year old may 'convince' you that he doesn't need a nap. But he doesn't know what he needs and yes he needs a nap. Even if he doesn't sleep, put him down for a nap and leave a few quiet toys.

-Make sure he gets plenty of healthy food. Again he may 'convince' you that he won't eat healthy but he can, just offer a range of healthy options. Same goes for water, offer water over juice. Keep sugar low. Sugar highs will cause melt downs.

-Plenty of physical play. Toddlers have a ton of energy and not wanting to nap can come from them not getting enough physical activity.

-Make sure rules and kept very short, don't have lengthy talks with 1 and 2 year olds.

-If you can say yes, then say yes

-If you must say no keep your no to no and be ready to pick him up and carry through. Don't plead or bargain.

-Try and make things fun. You really need to take your time with toddlers.
Play games with getting dressed and let him try things himself and don't be in a rush. Kids pick up on rush tension. So if you try and rush and dress him this will likely make him difficult. Say rhymes while doing things -don't know any? Grab a book and learn some. If you say and do the hand motions he may get distracted and try and do it too. Distraction can work wonders with toddlers.

-Don't offer a choice unless a choice is to be had. Saying things like "Do you want to get in the car/ have lunch/sit on the potty?" Invites a "No!" Just say 5 more minutes, 2 more minute, time to X. This will help him learn time concepts. If you have two cups he can use then this is the time to ask a question about which one he wants. When what he chooses doesn't matter. Toddlers really don't want to be in control, that is scary for them, they need you to be in control and for choices to be safe and easy.

If the temper tantrum is from frustration see if you can change the environment. Sometimes a firm cuddle will help.

If it comes from you saying no, or time to do X try and ignore it.
If you waiver and give in this will cause more tantrums. So if he had a lolly (candy) one time he may expect it next time. If you say no when he points to the lolly stand and he screams and you then switch to yes because its embarrassing having him scream, you have then taught him to scream to get his own way. You need to gently teach him that screaming is not how we get what we want and you do that by not giving in and keeping your own temper under control. Always amazes me the number of adults who scream while telling the toddler not to scream. You are the role model.

 

[RDKirk]

Spanking goes a long way .. one swat usually startles the 2 year old child into thinking something has gone horribly wrong and they need to re-think their knee-jerk-rage idea. Children that young do not have firm self-control mechanisms in place and they need something beside an abstract tool like a "counseling lecture" as a quick reminder.

A very warm and affectionate parent gets a lot of leverage from a one-swat-spanking now and then because it is such a huge contrast for the child - that it stands out as "a place they don't want to go" --

This is true.

Children are actually very intellectual from the beginning. A normal child was born just as intelligent as an adult, and they begin rationally intellectualizing the world around them immediately. If you carefully observe them, you can see it as early as six or seven months. They don't just do...they also think.

But they have very little experience with the world and with other humans, and they haven't yet discerned all the interior and exterior connections. But they can grasp and integrate new information at literally the blink of an eye.

I remember when my son was two, I flushed a tissue down the toilet in front of him. He saw my hand on the knob, saw me drop the tissue into the bowl, saw the tissue swirling away, looked back up at my hand...and his eyes lit up. I instantly realized I'd have to keep the toilet lid down from that moment on.

So, yeah, at that age all it takes is one swat...and consistency of routine and direction. You are creating a world for them, and every experience is another block in that structure.

 

[RDKirk]

@Macchiato

-Don't offer a choice unless a choice is to be had. Saying things like "Do you want to get in the car/ have lunch/sit on the potty?" Invites a "No!" Just say 5 more minutes, 2 more minute, time to X. This will help him learn time concepts. If you have two cups he can use then this is the time to ask a question about which one he wants. When what he chooses doesn't matter. Toddlers really don't want to be in control, that is scary for them, they need you to be in control and for choices to be safe and easy.

This is something I've noticed with parents in other countries. A parent will not ask, "Do you want to get into the car." The parent would state bluntly, "It's time to get into the car."

They followed that rule even for treats: They did not say, "Do you want ice cream?" they said, "It's time for ice cream."

[/quote]If you waiver and give in this will cause more tantrums. So if he had a lolly (candy) one time he may expect it next time. If you say no when he points to the lolly stand and he screams and you then switch to yes because its embarrassing having him scream, you have then taught him to scream to get his own way. You need to gently teach him that screaming is not how we get what we want and you do that by not giving in and keeping your own temper under control. Always amazes me the number of adults who scream while telling the toddler not to scream. You are the role model.[/QUOTE]

Very true.

 

[coffee4u]

This is true.

Children are actually very intellectual from the beginning. A normal child was born just as intelligent as an adult, and they begin rationally intellectualizing the world around them immediately. If you carefully observe them, you can see it as early as six or seven months. They don't just do...they also think.

But they have very little experience with the world and with other humans, and they haven't yet discerned all the interior and exterior connections. But they can grasp and integrate new information at literally the blink of an eye.

I remember when my son was two, I flushed a tissue down the toilet in front of him. He saw my hand on the knob, saw me drop the tissue into the bowl, saw the tissue swirling away, looked back up at my hand...and his eyes lit up. I instantly realized I'd have to keep the toilet lid down from that moment on.

So, yeah, at that age all it takes is one swat...and consistency of routine and direction. You are creating a world for them, and every experience is another block in that structure.

I will have to disagree with you on some of those. Young children do not think like adults and its not just based on lack of experience but on lack of certain neural connections that have yet to be formed.
Yes your two year old lit up at seeing how things disappear and this built a connection but his understanding of disappearing is not yours. A 2 year old may hide their head under a cloth with their body fully visible and they will think no one can see them. This is because they can't see you "I can see you only if you can see me, too”. Understanding that you can still see their body under the cloth even though they can't takes another leap in brain connections.
This is also why as adults we have none or only very small memories from our youngest years.

 

[coffee4u]

This is something I've noticed with parents in other countries. A parent will not ask, "Do you want to get into the car." The parent would state bluntly, "It's time to get into the car."

They followed that rule even for treats: They did not say, "Do you want ice cream?" they said, "It's time for ice cream."

I've never understood why parents ask when no isn't actually an option. Setting themselves up for the child to say no. Also just because a small child says no, they don't always mean no as we think of no. They may even say no to something they want. Just another clue that they are not thinking like adults.

 

[RDKirk]

I will have to disagree with you on some of those. Young children do not think like adults and its not just based on lack of experience but on lack of certain neural connections that have yet to be formed.

I did not say "think like adults." I said they are intellectual. That is to say, they collect information and use learned experiences to think through new solutions without using pure trial-and-error.

Yes your two year old lit up at seeing how things disappear and this built a connection but his understanding of disappearing is not yours. A 2 year old may hide their head under a cloth with their body fully visible and they will think no one can see them. This is because they can't see you "I can see you only if you can see me, too”. Understanding that you can still see their body under the cloth even though they can't takes another leap in brain connections.

When my son was about eight months old, he inadvertently began the "hide and seek" thing. I was in one room and he as he crawled toward the doorway from the hall, he suddenly saw me and laughed at suddenly seeing me. Then he pulled back away from the doorway so that he couldn't see me. Then he moved forward, saw me again, and laughed. He did this several times until he clearly convinced himself that it was his movement that controlled his view of me, then he crawled away to other things.

A few days later, I was laying across a bed with my head extending over one side. He crawled around the corner of the bed, suddenly seeing me. He laughed at that. I moved so that my head was around the corner of the bed, again out of his sight. He crawled around the corner so that he saw me again, and laughed. I moved back around the corner out of his sight.

He didn't crawl around to see me again. I waited...nothing. I figured he'd gotten bored and crawled away. Then I heard him laughing behind me. I looked around to see that he had pulled himself upright so that he could fully see me over the top of the bed.

He understood that even though he couldn't see me, I still existed. He had even worked out the spatial aspects to understand that he could see me by looking over the top of the bed. That is intellectuality at work. How much earlier had his brain actually had the ability to make those connections, but was just waiting to have collected enough basic facts about his environment--collected enough dots to connect them to make a picture?

I had seen the same thing months earlier when he was first learning to turn himself over. I actually watched him clearly thinking through his goal and working out the physics. His first success was by throwing his head to flip his body. I turned him back to his stomach and he did the same thing a couple more times. Then he reconsidered (throwing his head probably disoriented him) and began twisting his hips. He made a few trial twists, then suddenly twisted hard, pushing with a knee. He laughed wildly at that. That wasn't trial and error, that was thought and then trial.

When he was close to three years old, he began opening kitchen drawers that were just at his eye level. I put in a "child-proof" lock. The first time he tried it, he pulled the drawer and it stopped at only one inch open. He stood on his toes, peered in to see what was keeping the drawer from fully opening. He examined the latch for about five seconds...then with no trials at all, he pushed the button to release the latch and pulled the drawer open. I had to install a second lock that defeated him only because he physically couldn't press both latches and pull the drawer at the same time.

They are intellectual.

 

[RDKirk]

I've never understood why parents ask when no isn't actually an option. Setting themselves up for the child to say no. Also just because a small child says no, they don't always mean no as we think of no. They may even say no to something they want. Just another clue that they are not thinking like adults.

If they don't know what "no" means, then why do they tell their parents "no" when they clearly mean to disagree? The fact that they use "no" so unerringly and so early means that they had actually known the meaning of the word long before they deliberately used it.

 

[coffee4u]

I did not say "think like adults." I said they are intellectual. That is to say, they collect information and use learned experiences to think through new solutions without using pure trial-and-error.



When my son was about eight months old, he inadvertently began the "hide and seek" thing. I was in one room and he as he crawled toward the doorway from the hall, he suddenly saw me and laughed at suddenly seeing me. Then he pulled back away from the doorway so that he couldn't see me. Then he moved forward, saw me again, and laughed. He did this several times until he clearly convinced himself that it was his movement that controlled his view of me, then he crawled away to other things.

A few days later, I was laying across a bed with my head extending over one side. He crawled around the corner of the bed, suddenly seeing me. He laughed at that. I moved so that my head was around the corner of the bed, again out of his sight. He crawled around the corner so that he saw me again, and laughed. I moved back around the corner out of his sight.

He didn't crawl around to see me again. I waited...nothing. I figured he'd gotten bored and crawled away. Then I heard him laughing behind me. I looked around to see that he had pulled himself upright so that he could fully see me over the top of the bed.

He understood that even though he couldn't see me, I still existed. He had even worked out the spatial aspects to understand that he could see me by looking over the top of the bed. That is intellectuality at work. How much earlier had his brain actually had the ability to make those connections, but was just waiting to have collected enough basic facts about his environment--collected enough dots to connect them to make a picture?

I had seen the same thing months earlier when he was first learning to turn himself over. I actually watched him clearly thinking through his goal and working out the physics. His first success was by throwing his head to flip his body. I turned him back to his stomach and he did the same thing a couple more times. Then he reconsidered (throwing his head probably disoriented him) and began twisting his hips. He made a few trial twists, then suddenly twisted hard, pushing with a knee. He laughed wildly at that. That wasn't trial and error, that was thought and then trial.

When he was close to three years old, he began opening kitchen drawers that were just at his eye level. I put in a "child-proof" lock. The first time he tried it, he pulled the drawer and it stopped at only one inch open. He stood on his toes, peered in to see what was keeping the drawer from fully opening. He examined the latch for about five seconds...then with no trials at all, he pushed the button to release the latch and pulled the drawer open. I had to install a second lock that defeated him only because he physically couldn't press both latches and pull the drawer at the same time.

They are intellectual.

I didn't say they were stupid and your son sounds quite bright, but young children are literally making 1 million connections a minute, they can't think like adults until they have those all in place. Brain Architecture