Terrible 2's how to navigate them

[coffee4u]

If they don't know what "no" means, then why do they tell their parents "no" when they clearly mean to disagree? The fact that they use "no" so unerringly and so early means that they had actually known the meaning of the word long before they deliberately used it.

Because they have an inbuilt drive to be autonomous, not only over their own body but over their decisions; it's why a baby does try so hard to turn over. Yet at the same time they don't know what being autonomous and in control really entails and each gain can cause fear or uncertainty. Of course some toddlers handle this better or worse than others. Some babies after they learn to pull up will cry until you place them back sitting and then they will stand up again. The drive is to stand, but once that autonomy is gained it can come with uncertainty. Toddlers need safe choices. Deciding every thing for them isn't healthy but allowing them a say in everything isn't healthy either. They need little bites of autonomy done in a safe environment.
Autonomy is important because you wouldn't want your child to grow up and not to be able to say no when they needed to. They need to be able to say no to peer pressure or to that guy in the van while still being obedient to your house rules. Some people do grow up being too easily swayed or saying yes that they end up in trouble. It's a delicate balance and toddlers are not known for subtlety.
Apart from showing autonomy its also a lot easier physically to say "No" than "yes"

 

[RDKirk]

I didn't say they were stupid and your son sounds quite bright, but young children are literally making 1 million connections a minute, they can't think like adults until they have those all in place. Brain Architecture

I have never said "think like adults," so you're posed a strawman argument and then repeated it.

 

[coffee4u]

That is how it came across.

 

[mama2one]

agree with @coffee4u about "yes"
I kept an article on fridge for longest time about positive parenting & saying yes more than no

also, catching child when they're doing something good rather than other way around & say something positive

 

[ChristianGirl_96]

try a reward system

 

[Enilorac]

Semi-retired mom and grandma here. When little ones have a tantrum, they're not being defiant or anything like that, they aren't capable of thinking that way. Usually it means they're overwhelmed, overstimulated, tired or hungry. The best way to handle it is to get on THEIR level (like sit on the floor) and help them figure out what they're feeling. THEN, hug the living daylights out of them. I did that with my kids and my kids do it with their kids...resulting in significantly less tantrums and learning how to define emotions and feelings. Also, if you know it's getting on near nap time or meal time, do not let them get overstimulated, or take them out anywhere. I mean, aren't we all (grownups) "hangry" at times? You expect a toddler to behave when he's "hangry"? Have you ever felt overwhelmed in a crowd? Little ones feel the same way, too many things to try to pay attention to (like in stores), trying to learn how to do things at warp speed...think about it...in 3 short years, your baby goes from a potato that eats, sleeps and poops, to a full blown kid who walks, talks, understands things, can feed himself, maybe even 100% potty trained. I don't know about you but I'd find that rather overwhelming too. Be gentle, be understanding. Don't immediately assume they're being defiant or naughty. They're just little people without a whole lot of life experience and the world seems to come at them very quickly.

I have 3 children of my own who now range in age from 31 to 38. I have grandchildren who range in age from 1 year to 18 years old. I've helped to raise most of the grands.