oldrooster
Thank You Jerry
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Temporary Separation
- Thread starter AirForceTeacher
- Start date
Thanks, rooster. I spent the whole day with her today (school stuff for one daughter) and it seemed to be real nice. Then when we got home, it's "ok, you can leave now."
ugh. I don't know what's truly gonna happen. I just keep getting up every day.
ugh. I don't know what's truly gonna happen. I just keep getting up every day.
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Two ways to look at this:AirForceTeacher said:
I got to spend the entire day with my wife!
or
My wife asked me to leave at the end of the day.
You decide - but I'd focus on the positives on this one!
Sometimes that's all we can ask God to do for us. I kid you not, nearly every single day (since the divorce) I thank God for getting me out of bed... Those nice things that seem so little add up to a lot...
Keep praying!
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I know, BK, I'm trying to focus on the positives. The ugh was just my gut feelings.
I'm just a little worn out by the up and down my emotions take.
I'm just a little worn out by the up and down my emotions take.
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My Wednesday night group at church is going through the book "Every Man's Marriage" by Steve Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. I'm not enjoying the group because every man in the room is going on and on about how stupid these two men were with some of the things they did, while I cringe, afraid to admit that I 've done some of these things.
Obviously, I need some help that I'm just not gonna get from normal Christian men. They act like everything we're supposed to do is obvious, and that they would never make these mistakes as husbands. Meanwhile, everyone in the room knows I'm separated. I was hoping for some real help, some real support, and every week I just stare at the floor.
Obviously, I need some help that I'm just not gonna get from normal Christian men. They act like everything we're supposed to do is obvious, and that they would never make these mistakes as husbands. Meanwhile, everyone in the room knows I'm separated. I was hoping for some real help, some real support, and every week I just stare at the floor.
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You have support here. I for one have failed my wife in almost every way I can think of and she stays with me in spite of it. I thank God for as much. Hang in there and learn what you can. We are here for you and praying for your marriage's restitution.
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AirForceTeacher said:
I would bet dollars to donuts that nearly every single man in that group feels the same way you do. All the going on and on is just a way of saving face and avoiding making yourself vulnerable in a group of men, who seem to have it all together. You have a unique opportunity to change the whole course of this group of brothers! Next Wednesday pray for the Holy Spirit to supply the words for you. Pray for each of your brothers to be filled with the Holy Spirit. You could see a very different meeting!
It only takes one......
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This Wednesday is the last week, and I'm probably not even going to go. Two of the men in the group go to breakfast with me on Fridays, so I'll probably talk to them about it next week.
My church doesn't do anything on Wednesday nights during the summer, so I'll be looking for another church to go to on Wednesdays this summer (my wife's fellowship group is bucking the trend and going through the whole summer, working through The Purpose Driven Life)
Please pray that I can find a Wednesday night service that ministers to both me and my kids (since I'm sure they'll want to go!)
My church doesn't do anything on Wednesday nights during the summer, so I'll be looking for another church to go to on Wednesdays this summer (my wife's fellowship group is bucking the trend and going through the whole summer, working through The Purpose Driven Life)
Please pray that I can find a Wednesday night service that ministers to both me and my kids (since I'm sure they'll want to go!)
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I do pray that you find a new church home for Wednesday nights for you and your kids.
As for your next meeting, maybe you should go to this meeting. This would be a good opportunity to talk to your group and share your concern of what took place. You may find that others feel the same way. Its also a possibility to share your thoughts on what you are going through. Maybe you can start another weekly meeting with other Christian men. Give one another support and keep each other accountable when everything is not going perfect in their lives.
As for your next meeting, maybe you should go to this meeting. This would be a good opportunity to talk to your group and share your concern of what took place. You may find that others feel the same way. Its also a possibility to share your thoughts on what you are going through. Maybe you can start another weekly meeting with other Christian men. Give one another support and keep each other accountable when everything is not going perfect in their lives.
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oldrooster
Thank You Jerry
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AFT you will get through this, one way or another. It was the absolute hardest time in my life and gave me much growth because of it.
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The growth and healing seem to be more painful than the childhood abuse that supposedly caused it. I'm just so bound by this PD that I can't figure out how anything's ever gonna get better. I just read chapter 10 of the Purpose Driven Life, about surrender. It's so defeating to hear someone say that we surrender out of love, not duty or fear, when I just can't seem to surrender and I'm consumed by guilt over it.
My wife is still very cold to me, but I think I can see a little warmth. I'm trying, she says she can see that I'm trying, but if she's determined to not take me back until the PD is healed, then I fear I'll be alone forever.
My wife is still very cold to me, but I think I can see a little warmth. I'm trying, she says she can see that I'm trying, but if she's determined to not take me back until the PD is healed, then I fear I'll be alone forever.
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AFt you have surrendered by not moving on with your life when most people, including myself, would have. Solomon has taught us there is a time for everything. This is either a time to keep holding out for your wife to come to her senses or for you to move on and forsake her to her folly. Keep your options in mind. Sometimes God's answer to our prayers is a silent... no....AirForceTeacher said:
... 
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I'm the one who's messed up, not her. I'm the one with the selfish personality disorder and the anger management problems. I'm just afraid I won't be able to receive healing for this PD, or that I'll have to take the psychiatric route, which takes years, and she won't wait for it, or I'll hurt her so much during that time that she'll give up.
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oldrooster
Thank You Jerry
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chris320
Charismatic Zionist
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You can conquer your anger management issues by doing three things.AirForceTeacher said:
1.) Get filled with the spirit and praying in tongues 30 minutes a day.
2.) Renew your mind by meditating on scriptures about walking in love for 15 minutes a day, such as 1 Corinthians chapter 13.
3.) Read a book on walking in the love of God, such as those by Kenneth Hagin or Joyce Meyer on this topic.
If you do these three things, you will be able to conquer the anger management issues and not spend years in counseling to do so.
-Chris320
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AFT,
Never give up hope in yourself. God will not let you down or leave you alone. By speaking in God's word, you can reveal wrong thinking and it will lose its power.
Pray for peace of mind for the sake of yourself and your children. No matter what happens between you and your wife; you need to be strong for your children. They still need their "daddy" whether you and your wife remedy the marriage.
God Bless
Never give up hope in yourself. God will not let you down or leave you alone. By speaking in God's word, you can reveal wrong thinking and it will lose its power.
Pray for peace of mind for the sake of yourself and your children. No matter what happens between you and your wife; you need to be strong for your children. They still need their "daddy" whether you and your wife remedy the marriage.
God Bless
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(long post alert)
I know. I took the kids out kite flying today. It was a blast! 36 years old and I've never flown a kite before. It was so fun, and my oldest daughter (second oldest child) had so much fun, we went downtown to the kite store (yes, we have one here in town) and we each bought a big box kite! Then after lunch we went back out and flew kites some more!
I'm just confused about my wife and I. I struggle witht he boundaries. If I even hint that I don't thing she wants me back, she gets mad, but she still wants the boundaries so tight that we never see each other socially. Tomorrow is our thirteenth anniversary. She asked me if we were doing anything. I told her that I'd like to but I didn't want to say anything because I wanted to respect the boundaries. She freaked out. "You don't respect me because you keep bringing up divorce, but you'll respect me in this? Our anniversayr is a little different. The boundaries don't apply." How was I suppsed to know?
The other thing I struggle wit, and I know I shouldn't, is her friends. Of the two people she hangs out with the most, both are separated from their husbands. One is her fellowship group leader. She and her husband did a video for the church, talking about the success their separation was in bringing them back together and bringing him closer to God. My wife counseled with her before asking me to move out. Now, this other woman has filed for legal separation from her husband, which in our state is basically the same as divorce. So, even thought I know it's irrational, even thought I'm supposed to be trusting my wife, I worry, "What is so-and-so telling my wife? Is she urging her to stick it to me, to keep the boundaries, to keep up the separation?"
I know it's wrong. I know it's obsessive. But it's very hard to have hope and faith when she's so cold to me right now.
I know. I took the kids out kite flying today. It was a blast! 36 years old and I've never flown a kite before. It was so fun, and my oldest daughter (second oldest child) had so much fun, we went downtown to the kite store (yes, we have one here in town) and we each bought a big box kite! Then after lunch we went back out and flew kites some more!
I'm just confused about my wife and I. I struggle witht he boundaries. If I even hint that I don't thing she wants me back, she gets mad, but she still wants the boundaries so tight that we never see each other socially. Tomorrow is our thirteenth anniversary. She asked me if we were doing anything. I told her that I'd like to but I didn't want to say anything because I wanted to respect the boundaries. She freaked out. "You don't respect me because you keep bringing up divorce, but you'll respect me in this? Our anniversayr is a little different. The boundaries don't apply." How was I suppsed to know?
The other thing I struggle wit, and I know I shouldn't, is her friends. Of the two people she hangs out with the most, both are separated from their husbands. One is her fellowship group leader. She and her husband did a video for the church, talking about the success their separation was in bringing them back together and bringing him closer to God. My wife counseled with her before asking me to move out. Now, this other woman has filed for legal separation from her husband, which in our state is basically the same as divorce. So, even thought I know it's irrational, even thought I'm supposed to be trusting my wife, I worry, "What is so-and-so telling my wife? Is she urging her to stick it to me, to keep the boundaries, to keep up the separation?"
I know it's wrong. I know it's obsessive. But it's very hard to have hope and faith when she's so cold to me right now.
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oldrooster
Thank You Jerry
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I have spent the last 5 days helping my ex & kids to move, it has helped me to realize that we have become very good friends since our divorce. My boys see us getting along and interacting, and they are fairly well adjusted. I would still prefer to be married, but it was just not to be.
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