Talking to the lonely

[Stanfi]

I think my theme for the day, is the things we say. After all the bible does say to guard our tongues. We can do so much damage with it.
Recently I was doing some studying on the lonely and loneliness. I think all of us at some point in our lives have experienced some degree of loneliness. Anyway, I was reading as to how we should be a friend to those who are lonely, and becareful as to what we say to them. For example. Look at the following phrases.

1.) Take Care
2.) Have a Nice Day.

I read that these are two things that you should not say to someone who is lonely. Granted these are meant as kind words. However someone who is lonely translates them as something like "You are on your own. I'm not there for you. Go do something to make yourself feel better."

This study was a bit of an eye opener for me, and I agree. What do you guys think? Comments?

 

[desi]

You just made something easy impossibly difficult. It reminds me of how my wife sometimes makes erronious assumptions based on things I say. If people read into what you say that is their problem not yours.

 

[Risen Tree]

Just do something simple for lonely people such as giving them a pat on the back. It can set their day right.

desi, have a heart, eh?

 

[wvmtnkid]

Hmmmm....I never thought of it that way before. When I tell someone to take care or have a good/nice day, that's exactly what I mean. I do it out of care and concern for the other person. I want them to take care of themselves or to really have a good day. I have never meant for it to mean you are on your own, make do the best way you can. I never seen that as being insensitive, I really thougt I was being caring. Now, I am wondering if I was wrong and if I have hurt someone's feelings without meaning to.....

 

[Risen Tree]

Also, see if you can strike up a heart-to-heart conversation with the other person.

The goal is to desire to love them.

 

[desi]

Just do something simple for lonely people such as giving them a pat on the back. It can set their day right.

desi, have a heart, eh?

I do have a heart but I'm not going to ask people if they are depressed before telling them to "Take care!" or "Have a nice day!" and I would be annoyed if someone asked me about my frame of mind under such circumstances.

 

[psycmajor]

I think what mrstace means is that those generic words of encouragement mean little to someone who is lonely, and may even come off as insincere.

And, if you know the person is lonely, your words may be dismissive to that person. Those words are shallow.

 

[Stanfi]

I will through this in. When I did this reading it brought light to a personal experice that I had. This girl that I liked would write me and end with "Take Care". I sure she meant it as something nice, but I always heard "Take Care of yourself.. without me." Plus, until things started falling apart she would never say "Take Care" she would say "Talk to you later". Talk to you later meant "I'm still here", where as "Take Care" meant "Take Care of yourself.. on your own". Those two small words would just rip through me. See the difference?

BTW thanks for your comments.

 

[vibrant]

imo, that's putting words in people's mouths then holding it against them.

 

[Donny_B]

Letting go with someone is a really tough situation, and "Take care" is pretty neutral. If she said "Don't call me again, just leave me alone" that would be a little too abrupt, although it could be closer to the truth. But it could bring on emotions, both from you and her, in which she might feel sorry for you, so the relationship might drag it on a little longer, but really to no one's satisfaction. So, "take care" is probably the best. It allows for a civil end of the situation, which still leaves future contacts with that person open.