talking behind people's backs

[ConanBarbarian]

When is this okay and when is it not okay?

At my church, I go to home meetings and it seems allllll I hear about is what other people are doing. I mean their private lives. Their relationship with their spouses. Their career. They have something derogatory to say on everything and it does not stop there, they literally jump in and interfere, then when things go worse for people they seem delighted. They have even more to talk about.

They not only don't tell these people about that, they use that information against them for their own gossip.

I realize they do not understand any of this, but doesn't things turn around eventually?


I mean, how can we be judged as we judge others and what we do to others is done to us... if things do not completely turn around so what they did now happens to them?


I guess a lot, when someone is starving for water and you ask them for it, and they don't give it maybe because they don't have any... but they can go and get some and don't...

Or maybe, does eternal hell just look like this world? Maybe all of this world is just a cleverly constructed illusion for judgment after death and like the sixth sense or the others people can't tell... because they should know the truth but refuse to acknowledge it.


I mean, isn't it easier to remember something someone blocked out that is good rather then bad? Can't we seriously resist remembering the bad things we have forgotten?

How seriously?

Point is people will hear flattery, but often not the hard truth they can not accept.

So, these gossipers praise each other and put down others without giving them a chance for defense... but they can't see what they are doing because they refuse to hear they could possibly do something so incredibly wrong.

It just hurts too bad.

 

[foundlamb33]

Gossip will ruin a church. Do not continue to go to meetings that are not only not encouraging you, but actually causing you to be focused on things that are not of God. Show me a church with a bunch of gossips and self righteous hypocrites, and I will show you a church that is not feeding His sheep.
Jesus said three times
"Do you love Me? Than feed my sheep"
We all have an accountability for how we treated others in this world.
Good luck with your search for real fellowship.
I will be praying for you.

 

[Life2Christ]

Gossip will ruin a church.

....and a workplace, and a family, and a school....etc.

 

[Saucy]

I think everyone gossips to one point or another. But it has been known to get out of hand in a lot of churches. Find a church where the love for others is their priority, not going around and trashing others behind their backs.

 

[MaidenHisImage]

I agree with the advice of finding another place for worship and fellowship. Then again, what do you think God would want you to do? I have heard of some Churches with problems like that turning around and changing.

I was faced with a situation like that years ago. The gossip was pretty heavy in the place. For a while I tried to diffuse it best I could when someone was sharing "information" about others. I tried to avoid it but they would seek me out to spread it. "You see that lady? She's fairly new here and blah blah blah...." God gave me a good question to ask. So I asked the gossip-ers, does this edify one another? The good part of dealing with it this way was I heard less gossip, but sadly it was still taking place. I was just out of the loop. I eventually left the church due to many other reasons. A month later I saw a for sale sign on the building and learned the church finished falling apart.

Gossip is so destructive.

It's no wonder you feel so hurt. (((Hugs))) I'm praying for you and your church.

 

[Saucy]

oh yeah it's completely possible for things to turn around. It depends on whether or not the pastor is willing to step up and diffuse the problem rather than add to it.

 

[foundlamb33]

I was involved in a church for many years. I was always in the back, serving, so no one really knew who I was. For 8 years I was the one people called when something was needed. I knew I was doing it for Christ so I never gave it much thought. Eventually, I wanted to start a group for women to come together and really share their hurts, questions, triumphs, etc...

I went through a period of my life where I started to feel very lonely and empty. The woman's group seemed more focused on apologetics and study of the Scripture than encouraging and edifying each other through fellowship. Of course studying scripture is very important but it isn't the only way for christian women to fellowship. We need to come together and listen, enjoy each other, get to know one another and most importantly, care for and love each other.

I started going through a deep depression and started using alcohol to cope. I knew I was slowly getting away from God's will for my life but the emptiness was so deep that I felt stuck. Even picking up the Bible seemed too hard.
When I brought this up to the group, I was told that I needed to take my eyes off of myself and stop being selfish.
The rejection was too much. I left the very group I helped to start.

Eventually, I started going to a christian recovery group and God brought me to a group of christians who really loved and cared for me.
No pity. No sympathy. But empathy and love. I started healing and for the first time in years of being in the church, I realized I needed to go through a period of time to focus on my healing. There is a time and place for everything. I eventually left the church and found one that fit the place where God had me in my life. I am back to serving but it doesn't feel like I'm a martyr for God anymore. I feel cleansed, refreshed, and renewed by His love and grace for me each and every day.

I know this is really getting off the subject of gossip. but it sounds like you are going through that same loneliness and emptiness. A desire to have real fellowship in a place where you feel loved and accepted for who you are. We all have that desire and God's desire is for us to be the hands and feet of Christ for each other.

 

[dies-l]

Sometimes, the best approach to take with a gossip is to simply confront them by saying something like, "that sounds like gossip, and I don't think it is appropriate to gossip." By doing this, you not only express your disapproval, but you demonstrate the biblically appropriate way to confront sin. This is important, because sometimes gossip is a result of people who simply lack the courage and know how to appropriately confront sin. Other times, gossip is just a way of propping oneself up by making others look worse. Regardless of the motivation, you make your stance clear and you give the other person a chance to repent.

 

[Quasicentennial]

I have authority over Satan who could use my imagination to create gossip where none exist in real life when you go to church or a home cell group .:*:. As long as I am safe with Jesus as my spiritual partner, I will remain positive and fearless .:*:. You have no idea how important you are as a Christian friend to everyone you meet because you are an ambassador of Christ - while you are still 'young' and active .:*:. We are one with Christ, no matter what racial background, and he will keep our minds and bodies healthy for we are all created equal .:*:. Even if men and women have different roles, the word "respect" means to hide our criticism and bring out the confidence and love from God inside our hearts, so that we can see his healing power and peace at work through church and bible group lessons at home each week .:*:.