Taking a Risk

[mina]

Yah but if you call TOO much or overstep unspoken boundaries he has for what he thinks is aggressive or not aggressive, forward or not forward, then he is scared away. Sometimes being a friend and checking on someone can be mistaken for desperation or trying to force someone to like you and that's something I don't want to happen either.

just be yourself. I mean don't try to be manipulative or force things. if you are his friend, then be his friend without clawing for anything more. You don't have to be overly friendly so that it seems fake. If you have a sincere heart it's going to shine through. But, you truly have to be interested in him as just a friend and not be fishing around for a date. Be friendly and treat him as a friend but don't throw yourself at a guy. There is a difference. Also about guys not talking to you at sunday school.... Guys that you have just met don't have to clamering for a date when they have just met someone. Maybe they have a girlfriend, maybe they have been hurt, maybe they don't like to rush things, maybe they aren't even thinking about dating every girl they meet, maybe some of them are really intent on following the Lord's leading in every area of their life. You have no idea what is going on in their hearts and lives and minds. Especially if you just met them. And you have no idea what was in the thin blond's heart. Don't judge her just because she's thin and blond. Maybe she was there to be intelligent and learn about God not to impress anyone.Maybe her jokes were a result of nervousness or shyness. It doesn't mean she was there to tempt the guys and make them not talk to you. She's a human being. If you don't know her heart's intent, then don't treat her as a bimbo. Were you friendly to her????? Would you accept her being friendly to you or you being friendly with her, or are you just there to meet guys??? Don't place unreasonable expectations on guys that you just met. Great relationships do take time. There is no rule that says Christian guys have to throw themselfs at every Christian girl they meet just because they have Christianity in common. Start thinking of them as people and peers and friends before you think of them as possible love intrests. It is ok to JUST be friends with a guy. And frankly if you are thinking of every guy as a potential date then that is desperate. and they can tell. And yes it does scare them off.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Mina has a point, though it's a good thing for guys to be generally sociable.

On the other hand, when I was in high-school, some of my youth group at church thought I was not well adjusted because I wasn't chasing every thing that wore a skirt, even to the point of taking me out to coffee to talk about it. From my point of view at that time most of the girls there were not serious about the faith and their interests showed it. On the other hand, I think I was born old. Now, years later, one of the youth leaders came to apologize and now she's one of my best supporters. :^)


"In some respects women are like beer - much better no beer than bad beer!"
or... "better a corner on a rooftop..."

(ok, all you women can throw things at me now :^) )

 

[mina]

Mina has a point, though it's a good thing for guys to be generally sociable.

On the other hand, when I was in high-school, some of my youth group at church thought I was not well adjusted because I wasn't chasing every thing that wore a skirt, even to the point of taking me out to coffee to talk about it. From my point of view at that time most of the girls there were not serious about the faith and their interests showed it. On the other hand, I think I was born old. Now, years later, one of the youth leaders came to apologize and now she's one of my best supporters. :^)


"In some respects women are like beer - much better no beer than bad beer!"
or... "better a corner on a rooftop..."

(ok, all you women can throw things at me now :^) )

I think how you acted in high school was wise. I mean you had priorities and you weren't to settle for something just because everyone else wanted y ou to. I definitely agree that it's far better to be alone than with someone that's not going to respect you or treat you right or someone that is not going to be good for you. I do believe it takes time to notice someones ways (no matter what they look like) and see if that would be something that you would want to be in an emotional relationship with.. Physical attraction is important but will only go so far if that person's personality and beliefs aren't compatable with yours. No one has to meet and date if they don't want to. Different people have different paces.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Thanks, Mina. All I can say is that although I haven't married, I haven't married badly either. I can't see tomorrow, but God has cared for me so far, and I have seen at least one marriage go south around me. Good thing marriage isn't a requirement for heaven, though!

 

[Living4Him03]

I guess what I was trying to say in this thread is that I've noticed a trend (not just happening to myself) where a Christian guy gets to know a Christian girl he is seemingly attracted to. They become pretty good friends and eventually he decides he might wanna ask her out, but he holds back. He waits for her to give all the signals, instead of just taking a risk and seeing what happens. Of course he should pray about it first, etc. It just seems when it gets to that point guys chicken out a lot of times. I think girls do the same thing sometimes though...a guy likes them and like him as well and would say yes but become standoffish so the guy doesn't know that she wants to be asked out.

It's just a confusing thing in Christian singles circles. It's also hard to figure out what soemone's expectatios for dating (as in do they prefer courtship or what) when building a friendship unless you just ask them about it. Which is probably a good idea. But again I think guys should take the initiative in starting up the relationship.

Anyway, I did not mean to say every Christian guy should approach every Christian girl, etc. I don't want every guy to approach me, I may not be attracted to HIM (not just physically). Even in developing a friendship with someone though it's hard to know sometimes if they are becoming interested or not. I guess it comes down to communicating with each other and being honest about how you feel and where you believe God is leading you in that area of your life. I by no means suggest Christian women act desperate or force Christian men to talk to them.

 

[Living4Him03]

Also, I was just saying that the guys seemed to be disinterested when I offered my thoughts on the Scripture we were reading. But, when the other girl was making jokes and all they were paying close attention to her and both of them kept grinning at her. I don't know what it is, but I have an older brother and I've watched how he reacts when he thinks a girl is hot and when he doesn't...these guys seemed to really think this girl was a babe, other than her looks too. They were both new as well, so they did not know her well either. I thought she was really nice and I didn't call her a bimbo at any point in my post. I guess I felt as if they didn't want to even get to know me initially based on the way I was responding to the teacher of the class. Even if none of those guys are guys I will/could date at some point, I want to get to know everyone, not just get to know the females and ignore the guys! The guys seemed really nice, but I did notice that they seemed to gravitate towards introducing themselves to the more "polished" girls or whatever you want to call it.

 

[Living4Him03]

I guess I just need to go back again and keep being myself and try to get to know everyone. My fear is that I will give the guys the wrong impression and they will be turned off to a friendship because they will think I am trying to date them, but I guess not all the guys will be like that.

 

[KeilCoppes]

If they think you're trying to date them, you can always beat them with a stick... ?

After a while, even guys can get the point. :^)

 

[Fatolia]

Don't be afraid that the guys think you're trying to only date them, Melissa. I've never received that impression from ANY girl unless she really was desperate and started telling me about all the nasty things she did with her previous boyfriends. But you're not going to do that, are you?

Just encourage them to be strong men as servants of God and to love as Jesus.
If anything, they're probably thinking of YOU as a potential date.