Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (5)

[katey]

Dinonum hope your doing ok, hows your friend. thinking of you both.


Criada, how you doing?

Bec, April Ladybug everyone else, how you all. hope everythings going ok am thinking of you all.



Im not having a great time ED wise at the minute, (or SI wise for that mattter) im just getting really tired of working at things. just want to feel ok for a bit.

 

[dinonum]

Aww, I'm sorry things are not good for you right now Katey!

I'm doing alright. I've made a thirty day commitment to not purge and I'm very excited for the challenge, although nervous definitely describes it too.

My friend is, well, probably still the same. The issue has gone from being a secret between best friends to something she's made public on myspace. She put this:

I love you mia for making me strong. I hate you for consuming me I want to be beautiful! Maybe someday! XoXo Im doing it alone XoXo

at the top of her myspace page for the world to see a week or so ago I guess. I see her today, and I'm really not sure how to handle the encounter. She is about as tiny as ya get before starting to look extremely ill. =-\

 

[beckybooiloveu]

Hello everyone!
sorry i havent been around for you all. *hugs* i hope you are all hanging in there.. im coming up to exams at the moment so wont be able to be around much again over the next few weeks but ill try get back on here more often after them.

Update on me... im not good... at all... actually im probably the worst ive ever been... and unfortunately im alone in dealing with it atm... no counsellors and friends support or anything ... actually not really sure who my friends are at all so its making it alot harder...
im pretty ill as well but like usual dont have time to take off to get better... still go go go...

anyways... ill be back on whenever i get a chance...

thinking of you all *hugs*

 

[Criada]

(((((((Becky))))))

I'm so sorry, sweetie. It sounds tough, and having to cope on your own is always hard.
Can you see a doctor, or is that not possible at the moment?
Praying for you, sweetie, for health, strength, and a clear mind for the exams.
And don't forget, if you can't find any real life support right now, we are here for you

 

[Soulwings]

*crash tackle hugs for everyone*

Lately when I come on here it doesn't tell me if there's been an update to the ED board, so I don't come here... guess I'll have to start coming here just to check, because I don't want to keep missing out on important posts.

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Sarah, how are you doing?? I hope not too badly... thinking of you, dear friend.

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Bec, I'm so sorry to hear that you are fighting alone right now... but you are never truly alone, because God is there, whether it feels like it or not. And as Sarah said, we're here too. Don't forget that either!!

Winter holidays coming up soon though? I wish that you could take a break, somehow... don't forget to drink some tea. That should help a little, relax you and settle your nerves if you are worried or upset.

I'm here if you want to talk. &hearts

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Dinonum, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. That's really sad... I'll keep you and her in my prayers. Good for you for making that thirty day committment - hopefully you do well with it, but even if you slip up, don't let that bother you too much. We the none of us can be perfect, and slip ups happen. How did the meeting with your bestie go?

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Katey, how're you doing? I'm sorry to hear that things aren't much better... but they will get there... eventually, as Dinonum said... it'll just take awhile.

...

I'm doing, well, meh. I saw my N today and I gained weight no fair, I've been trying to work on eating enough. It's not cool. I also need to get walking more, since I've not been exercising much at all lately, but I'm scared of leaving the apartment by myself... it's frustrating. I want to lose weight, yet I am my own worst enemy when it comes to that. I've also been having a lot of trouble drinking enough water, and it's frustrating too.

Jarrod said that he feels like my parent a lot of the time, because he has to tell me to do stuff, like drink and eat, and also has to hold my hand doing simple stuff, even while playing WoW, because I don't like taking risks or doing things differently. It's really frustrating to me because that reflects poorly on me, and even my sister said that she can see how he would feel that way, and she doesn't even know us that well. I mean, she doesn't see us every day or anything, in fact she lives twelve hundred miles away, so I have no idea how she can agree with him on that. It hurts!!!! I feel like such a failure, a coward, for being so dependent on him... but I don't know how to stop. I don't want to weigh down on him too much, because that causes stress in our relationship, and I definitely do not need that on top of everything else going on, and neither does he.



Oh, I got nearly everything else straightened up for uni come fall. I just need to drop off a piece of paper at the financial aid office on campus, mail in a MPN, and I'm set. Woohoo.

And aHA, I am now one year older, as of Monday. Made it through another year of my life.

s to all.

 

[Criada]

((((((April)))))))
I'm glad you are doing a bit better.
You know, God put you and Jarrod together because you fit perfectly.. you can support one another. He 'looks after you' in some ways because he loves you.. and I bet you do things for him for the same reason. And maybe your needs are greater at the moment, but there will be times in your marriage when you are the strong one, and I am sure you will support him happily.

Glad Uni is sorted
And, Happy (late) birthday

 

[Criada]

I'm not doing so wonderfully, to be honest. My therapist told me yesterday that he is moving to Australia at the end of the month.. and I feel... I don't know, abandoned and scared. There are things that I have never told anyone except him and God... and the thought of trying to start again with someone else is just so daunting that I don't know whether I even want to. But... I don't want to be stuck here for the rest of my life.

Ugh
I know God is in control... and I'm trying to trust Him, but... it is hard right now.

 

[Soulwings]

Sarah. I'm sorry about your T leaving... but it's definitely worth it to start over again with someone else. I completely get what you mean about it being daunting to start over, though - earlier this year, after ECT, people were wondering if my current T was the right one for me, if we would be making good enough forward progress. I've been with her for four years now, and I would be terrified to start anew with a different T that didn't know me inside and out like my current one does. I'll be praying for you about that... stay strong, and yes, God is in control. Hard to feel and hard to see sometimes, yes, but it's true. I'm here if you need to talk, love.

I hope that I don't end up wearing Jarrod down too much. I don't see myself supporting him that much... I mean, I guess I do - I do whenever I see that he needs support - but I do feel like a lousy wife. I mean, he's the one working, and we take evenings to do laundry and grocery shop because I'm too scared to go out and do it on my own. He has to make sure that I eat, because I'm not that good, and..... I don't know, it just gets old after awhile. I wish that I could just give him a break...

Happy news - tomorrow afternoon we're going to be going to the SPCA to price-check a cat!! (At least, I think that that's the current plan.) So please pray that something works out and that if we do end up getting a cat, that it works out well too.

s to all.

 

[jupiterinka]

Hello you all! I'm a newbie, so I wanted to pop in. I have heard it said that once a person has an eating disorder, that they always have one. I guess this makes sense because even when we start eating "normally," which I have, we still have issues in this area...especially in terms of self-image. I mean, even now, I'm very cautious about what I eat (super health freak vegan), although I eat enough and am at a healthy weight. Would you agree that is true that once a person has an eating disorder, they always do.....that it's kind of a state of mind or something? Anyway, I guess that's why I'm here. I want to help others to get to the point that they can eat normally and not be all-consumed by what they eat, and to get support for my self-image issues and the remnants of my eating disorder.

God has really been helping me with my self-image this past week by reminding me (through someone on this forum) that I am a daughter of the king!!!!!! That has been so powerful when I think about it. Plus, just this last week I'm making my way back to God and praying to Him about all my issues. I have so much hope that he can help with these issues in my life...and yours!

 

[Criada]

Welcome
I am so glad that God is working in your life that way.
When we look at what God says about us, it is awesome to see who we really are.
I need to learn to live in that a lot more!


April, how did the cat-hunt go?
Cats are wonderful... my elderly one (she's 18) has recently decided that she is actually a parrot, and wants to spent her life sitting on my shoulder.
However bad I feel, a purring cat always makes things a bit better

 

[Soulwings]

Welcome, jupiter. I agree, once you have an ED you're probably always going to have issues related to it. I'm a vegetarian and pretty much a super health freak too, although I'm currently not at a healthy weight (if I don't eat enough, I gain weight - guess what's been happening lately? ), so I know where you're coming from. Is the vegan thing related to your ED, do you think? or do you have other reasons to be vegan?

I'm so glad that you're getting closer to God through all of this. He's truly a wonderful, faithful Father.

...

Sarah, today we're going to go to the SPCA and see if we can adopt a kitten. I'm so looking forward to that... am jittery because we'll be leaving in a little while. We had to get a letter from our landlord saying that we can have a cat here (since we rent - that's a stipulation that the SPCA makes, you have to prove that you can have a pet if you rent), and for awhile it looked like we wouldn't be able to. However, he showed up early last week and wrote the letter for us, and while it's not on company letterhead, hopefully the shelter people will accept it. *crosses fingers* I'm so nervous... we picked out a little kitten, a grey tabby with white socks - well okay, not quite little, he's a few months old - but so adorable. I hope that he's still there. I'll try to post photos of whatever kitten we do end up getting.

I'm still struggling to eat and drink enough... but such is life. I'm doing alright otherwise, though, although I haven't been to see my T in awhile because of a car accident I was in a week and a day ago. It wasn't bad, but my car is currently undrivable, because her front bumper is falling off. It's currently taped on :o but she'll be going in for repairs on Tuesday. Whew!!

Anyway, that's it for me for now. Take care, y'all, and I'll be back later. Sending love, prayers, and hugs!!

 

[jupiterinka]

Soulwings, I was wondering about your question as to whether being vegan has anything to do with my ED. I really don't think so. I mean, it does help to keep my weight under control, but my main reasons for being vegan are to do what I can to limit animal cruelty. Also, for health reasons....there's so much nasty stuff in meat and dairy products. Plus, I was reading recently about Christians being vegetarian/vegan because we're supposed to be stewards over God's creation--that God wouldn't condone animal torture as it is done today. I don't mean to lecture here or start a debate...just giving my reasons for my veganism. So, as you can see, my veganism probably not due to the ED. My main issues with my ED are that I never feel thin enough and that I do sometimes still stress about what I eat and feel guilty when I eat more than I think I "should."

 

[Criada]

Looking forward to the pictures

Jupiter, I used to be vegan.. had to give it up at uni because their idea of vegan food was to replace the meat with extra potato
It's interesting that in Genesis, God tells Adam and Eve to eat the plants.. He doesn't give man animals for food until after the flood.

In other news, I'm going into hospital at the end of the week if they have a bed free... I seem to have got into a cycle of SI which I can't break. Prayers would be appreciated.. I am very scared at the moment.

 

[Soulwings]

Picture of kitty - Daniel - as my profile pic. He's four months old, and oh so adorable and funny and affectionate. We're lucky to have gotten him.

Jupiter, I'm glad that your veganism doesn't have anything to do with your ED. I didn't mind you talking about it; didn't sound like a lecture to me at all. Just informative. My vegetarianism, well, I think it's mostly ED'd, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop it... I can't imagine eating meat. I hate the taste of it, hate the texture... ughhh. Soy products all the way, baby!!

Sarah, I hope that going into hos helps you. Do you know how long you'll be gone? We'll miss you but you'll be in my prayers, definitely. I'm proud of you for seeking out help... that shows strength and a desire to get better, both of which are admirable qualities. May God give you the strength to get through the next few days, and may He let a bed be free for you. Try to take care of yourself the best you can til you can go into hos... things will be okay. Love you, beautiful.

 

[Riana S]

Hi all> I'm new in this group and I have been reading through all the topics. I don't have any answers or ideas or questions, it is just that I have never ever admitted this to anyone, but I am addicted to diet pills for the past 15 years. I don't see myself as thin, and at this moment I am not, but I constantly drink this "miracle workers" and expecting wonders. I go out and don.t eat anything and then feel depressed because al of the other people are eating, drinking and enjoying themselves, and they still are beautiful. I was treated for depression for quite a while, but with God's help that is under control. And then I feel guilty, because I was made frim the image of God, why is it then that I'm so unthankful. I was once admitted to hospital because of my rapid weight loss, but that was once, and I was never that thin again, although I want to be. I am married, have children, but my husband have bedroom problems. And now I am sounding very selfcentred. It is just today is getting the better of me. Just last week God showed me that He does care and he helped me through a fianancial crisis, in ways that I just couldnt believe. I know that was God's doing, and I rejoiced and praised His name. I also told numerous people about what He did for me. I guess I am just being silly. So yes, I don't expect any of you to reply. I just wanted to voice my frustrations and problems, for the first time, which also made me a bit more depressed. But I will get through it

 

[Criada]

Riana, welcome. You've taken a huge step just typing that, admitting the problem is such a big thing..
I know it can seem very daunting, but asking for help and support is a step in the right direction. We all have the 'head knowledge' that we are God's creation, and He sees us as beautiful. Sometimes it takes a long time to really accept and live in that though. We are all on a journey, and we can help, encourage and support one another on the way.


Daniel is adorable, April

I don't know how long I'll be gone.. I hope not more than a couple of weeks. I feel horribly guilty leaving my kids for that long.. but I am not sure it's good for them to be around me at the moment I need to get better for them. Thanks for the prayers

 

[jupiterinka]

Criada, I'm sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time. Sorry, what's SI stand for? Anyway, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers! Get well!!!

 

[jupiterinka]

Hi all> I'm new in this group and I have been reading through all the topics. I don't have any answers or ideas or questions, it is just that I have never ever admitted this to anyone, but I am addicted to diet pills for the past 15 years. I don't see myself as thin, and at this moment I am not, but I constantly drink this "miracle workers" and expecting wonders. I go out and don.t eat anything and then feel depressed because al of the other people are eating, drinking and enjoying themselves, and they still are beautiful. I was treated for depression for quite a while, but with God's help that is under control. And then I feel guilty, because I was made frim the image of God, why is it then that I'm so unthankful. I was once admitted to hospital because of my rapid weight loss, but that was once, and I was never that thin again, although I want to be. I am married, have children, but my husband have bedroom problems. And now I am sounding very selfcentred. It is just today is getting the better of me. Just last week God showed me that He does care and he helped me through a fianancial crisis, in ways that I just couldnt believe. I know that was God's doing, and I rejoiced and praised His name. I also told numerous people about what He did for me. I guess I am just being silly. So yes, I don't expect any of you to reply. I just wanted to voice my frustrations and problems, for the first time, which also made me a bit more depressed. But I will get through it

Riana, welcome! I'm sorry you're feeling so down on yourself and filled with guilt. I know what you mean. I too often have a lot of these kinds of emotions. It's so easy to look at other people and compare ourselves and feel so inadequate in comparison. I don't know how to stop it. I wish I had some suggestions for you. At this point, when it happens I try to stop and remind myself that God made me beautiful, and I shouldn't degrade his creation. Let's see how long this works. I'm hopeful, but it takes a lot of time and energy. Praise God that he's helped you with your depression and with your financial issue! God is all-powerful and he can miraculously help us through all this.

 

[katey]

Ok ive missed a lot on here.

hiya to those of you who are new to here n ive not had chance to say hiya to yet.

How you all doing, ill read through posts as soon as i can and catch up with things, maybe when my heads a bit more with it.

to you all xxxxx

(p.s ill come on and update when ive got a bit more time) x

 

[Soulwings]

Jupiter, SI = self injury.

How are you doing today??

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Sarah, saying a prayer for you. Hoping that things are well and that you got a much-needed bed in hos. Love you very much.

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Riana, welcome!! Sarah (Criada) is right when she said that it's a huge step just admitting that you need help... it is. And I am glad that you sought out this board for that, whether or not you make another appearance. God truly is good, and He will indeed help you - and us - get out of this pit that we've fallen into. It's just hard to believe that sometimes... You aren't just being silly. EDs are real things, and they are things that take a lot of work to get under control.

I hope some of what I said is helpful. May God be with you now and always. Try to stay in touch if you can or want to... who knows, maybe we'll be able to offer you some of the support that you need.

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Katey, how are you doing?? It's been quite awhile since you've been here... are things going alright??

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Dinonum, Bec, how are you two doing??

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I'm alright. Still struggling with food, but this med I'm on is helping with the SI urges, naltrexone/Revia, so that's a good thing. I highly recommend it. There's actually been studies done where it's been tested for use with SI-prone people, and they all came out positively.

s to all.