Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (5)

[Soulwings]

Kerin - I know, the summer's gone so fast so far!! Tutoring is half over already too. Only six more weeks ( ) and then it'll be a two week break before school starts. Ooof. Are you handling the classes okay? how's ED stuff been?

Katey, how're you doing? Hope you'll come back soon, a bit more stable.

Ari, Bec, how are you two doing? Ladybug?

I'm doing okay. I had my weekly T appt today... we talked about suicidality and how I really don't trust myself (J & I were going to go out west to visit his folks [I've not met them yet] but we nixed that because we were going to have separate hotel rooms [not having sex til marriage] and I don't trust myself alone). She told me to tell my NP about that... am a bit nervous about doing that.

Seems like life is so complicated!! Can't the bad things just go away??

 

[Soulwings]

Welcome to the board, Venatrix.

Why do you want to lose the weight? do you know what triggered those desires?

Are you seeing anyone professionally? a therapist/counselor, nutritionist? because I think that you would benefit much from their services. I don't know your situation fully, but it's important to seek help if you think you have an ED. Being told by your friends (who may not know diddly-squat about EDs) that you have an ED, and then believing them because they are persistent - that may be a vicious cycle - you believe them, so your disordered eating gets worse, your disordered eating gets worse, so you believe them more.

I don't know, though... just a thought. Seeing a professional would assuage the doubts that are lingering there.

In any case, it doesn't matter if you have an ED or not, what's important is that you seek help. Am I making any sense? because I feel as though I am just blathering!! I'm glad that you came to the board.

I'll post more later when my head is clearer. I hope that my basic gist got across though. I'm not trying to scare you away, just trying to get my head around your situation.

 

[katey]

hi Venatrix welcome to the baord i've not been around for a few days as i'm in hospital, (well am home again at the minute) i can understand the feeling scared about going to a doc bit, it happens a lot. hen i first opened up about it (on one of my talk about it days) i was so scared that theyd take all the control away from me and i'd be left feeling even worse. but they didnt they tried to work with me. sometimes just talking about your worries help a little bit. its ok to be scared.


everyone, hope your all doing ok. i've just popped in to say a quick hello. sorry i've not been around for good few days things havent been going so well, but had an ok day yesterday so theyve let me come home for a couple of hours.

Kerin, hope your stil doing ok.

Sprilam glad you managed to talk to your T about it. and hope that you can talk to your NP about it. have you managed to talk to Jarrod about how your feeling? i kno its hard but maybe its better off people knowing about it. how are the thoughts now??
i know what you mean about it all going away though.

Bec, Ari, Lisa Ladybug how you all doing

 

[Soulwings]

I'm going to hos today, in about twenty minutes. My NP didn't know what to do with me since I'm suicidal and feel that I am invinceable so nothing I do will really hurt me. Magical thinking. I'm scared and really don't want to go back, but everyone thinks I ought... so I am. I'm all packed and ready and... Jarrod is coming with, we're leaving after he gets here from work. I'm going to miss my best friend's wedding.

 

[katey]

i know how much you dont want to go back to hosp hun, but maybe right now it is the best place. can thy make any arrangemnts for you to go to your friends weding??

please try and rest whil your there. i know its hard, it very hard and scary. but the safest right now.

it is only magical thinking hun, please we both know that and it doesnt get us very far.
thinking and praying for you hun

 

[Lady Bug]

I'm not doing so well Soulwings, but thank you for asking. sometimes I feel that my faith is not helping me.

If I don't see a wedding today (especially today being a Saturday), I will be partially relieved.

I'm having a body image issue that is weighing down on me (no pun intended) but it's hard to explain right now. I need more time

 

[texannurse]

Bec, Ari, Lisa Ladybug - Hi how are all of you doing today?
It's been a LONG time since I've been around but I am really in need of support right now - things aren't going too good. Ah well.

April I will be praying really hard while you are in the hospital. I pray that you will find a place of healing there and get back to that "old April" - the one who originally gave me the courage and hope to think that a new life is possible, the April of the WE WILL SURVIVE!. (no pressure intended my dear friend - i just miss you a ton!!) On the lighter side, can you take Arnold with you???

Katey - I hope all is going well for you in the hospital too. Sounds like you're pretty resistant to their help. I'll pray that you can learn to open up to them more and of course - eat more - which may help your mental disposition too

Please pray for me too - I feel rather manic right now - - like I could fall apart any minute. I think I'll go take a nap.

 

[katey]

i'm just popping in before i trapse back up to the hospital (where i really dont want to go back to)
TN am praying for you loads, i'm sorry things arent going so well at the minute and your feeling like that, i hope that you mnaged to have a nap and it helped a little bit. are you able to tell anyone thats how your feeling??

i just dont like being there, the staff are trying i know they are, they thought id have settled down a lot more by now but i havent. ive been really off. i cant fully explian why. i have tried eating a little bit but its just making me feel so horrible i dont want to. there are a couple of staff i can open up to, and dont get me wrong most of them are of. i just want to be left at the minute. my meds are making me feel horrible as it is. i just need that little bit of control right now. my moods been all over the place me thoughts not good, and i'm still seeing things and have been paranoid which has made me weary of everyone why wont it just stop

Ladybug dont rush to let things out but your best not keeping them locked away because theyl just get worse but do it in your time, so that your comfortable (as can be ) with letting it out. sorry i cant be more helpful right now

 

[texannurse]

Katey

 

[Arianna]

April, I'm really sorry you've had to go into hospital when you didn't want to, but I'm so glad you're safe and I hope it really help
Looking forward to hearing from you soon

Katey, hope you start feeling better soon - keep us updated if you can

How are you doing today, Tn and Ladybug?

Ari
xxx

 

[Lady Bug]

I'm hanging in there, but I am disturbed by something that someone told me last night.

Let's just say that someone at random (well, a supposed friend) were to read one of my blogs on what I ate on one night when I had a binge eating attack. And they laugh at it but they may not necessarily be laughing at you (let's hope that is not the case) but they just happened to laugh for no apparent reason. But then they tell you afterwards that they laugh because they like food themselves (but they don't seem to have an actual eating disorder).

And sometime during the conversation he said "you scare me sometimes" and then he tried to make himself look as if he were joking. But I don't believe him...the strange thing is that I kind of thought he was a friend of mine and a very nice person but I wonder.

It hurts for someone to think I scare him when I never really said anything to him that warranted that (and I mean that). Maybe he was being facetious. I do have issues with my mental health (depression, dying, etc.) but this kinda hurts me. I can get over it but it does hurt to an extent.

 

[MyaShane]

We'll all be praying for you like mad April. If this is what's going to keep you safe then it's the best thing for you right now. Update us when you can!!

Aw Katey. They're all doing what is in your best interest. I hope they're able to get your meds straightened out. Let us know how you're doing!

Hi Ari! Good to see you and how are you doing?

Hugs and prayers for everyone!

 

[beckybooiloveu]

hugs everyone

 

[katey]

AAARRRGGHHHAAARRGGHH i hate this place so much, i want out and they wont let me!!! they keep telling me i'm still a risk, but i'm not. ive stopped trying to run, and stopped trying to hurt myself while i'm here. i've amnaged sumthing to eat,(ok not every day but its a start right!!!) i just wont let them weigh me and have kicked of a couple of times but i';m not a risk. ok yeah ive had a bad couple of days but all i want is to go out for a walk, its so loud and everyones shouting at each other all the time. theres no staff on at the minute i can talk to hopefully theres two on this afternoon who i can talk to pretty well. this is why i dont like coming ionto hospital (ok one of the reasons)

April (if you see this) i'm thinking and praying for you loads. hope your doing ok or aswell as can be


hows everyone else doing?

 

[beckybooiloveu]

*hugs* katey... iits probably for the best hun... sorry i wish i had mor to say... but i dont know anything abouyt being in hosp...

 

[MyaShane]

Katey, you have to believe they are there only to help you get better. No one is out to hurt you and they have your best interests in mind. You'll be out of there much quicker when you're able to cooperate and work on helping yourself get better as well. I'll be continuing to pray for you!!

 

[katey]

Thanks Kerin i've just been here to many times.

 

[texannurse]

Aw, Katey! Hopefullly it will be over soon. I can't even imagine how hard it is in there.
I myself have been pretty out of control this week - slipping into some pretty manic irrational thinking. And i am so sick of meds always being the answer!!!!! Can't there be another way?

Katey and April - big hugs and kisses!!! I'm sending my guardian angel to give each of you a big hug for me. Hang in there. You have a blessed opportunity to let others help - if you can get past the anger. Stay strong gals! Love you both! TN

 

[Celtic Camel]

haven't really got much to say... just wanted to send all my love, lots of hugs, and even more prayers...
thinking of you all...
xoxox

 

[katey]

why wont this all stop!!!!!! things have been all over the place ive been on 1-2-1 levels back down to general obs then back to 15 min obs and now i'm on half hour, they still wont let me out but ive been allowed me laptop without supervisison now so that good thing, how long going to last will see. since thursday o've just lost it. i'm not sure what happened, they were letting me out anyway so what was the point, my heads all over the place i've tried but i cant. i cant eat, ive tried to drink but i dont want to. i feel horrible about it all. they did some blood tests the other day aswell and the results arent too good, i wont kno exactly what until i see my consultant on monday, but the SHO i saw last night because i wasnt feeling too good and passd out said that its because things arent going too well physically. He also said i'm dehydrated thats why they keep getting me to drink.

My moods been low for the past two days, very low ive not wanted to get out of bed they left me yesterday as id not slep all thursday night, but they ketp coming and checking and the yesterday afternoon i ended up hurting myself so the levels went back up.

hows everyone doing????