Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (5)

[Celtic Camel]

April!!!!
So happy to have you back... sorry you're still struggling with everything so much...
praying for you!!!
Hang in there! You are so worth being happy, healthy, & whole! So keep trusting in God (& the help He puts in your life)...
Love ya,
xoxox

 

[Soulwings]

Lisa How are you doing? and thanks for the encouragement and welcome back!! I am so glad to be out of hos and doing better.... well, better with the suicidality. Struggles never seem to cease.

How is everyone doing today? It's been quiet here lately.

 

[texannurse]

April - I care! I care about all of us on this site. You are right, we all need encouragement from each other. Together WE WILL OVERCOME

 

[Soulwings]

Tn How are you doing? and yes, I do indeed hope that WE WILL OVERCOME.

I am not begging the pain to go away... I am just asking that I have the strength to bear the pain.

 

[katey]

Hello everyone, how you all doing? sorry havent been around for a little while ive struggled a lot the past week, i spent three days on the intensive care unit as i became high risk. have fallen out majorly with my mum so wen i do evntually go home i wont be going back to mums by the look of things at the minute.
Ive been put back onto a strict food regime and if things dont start moving, and i dont start eating theyr talking about admiting me to the general ward and tubing!!! i dont want it but i cant eat, its just bringing up so many problems and emotions and i'm struggling to deal with them. the eating disorder specialist came to see me this week. they were going to transfer me to to the ED unit but he suggested that as i know the staff and they know me, and they know my differnet moods, they let me stay there and he comes and sees me, or i go up to him in patient transport with an escort. It has to be fully discussed with the ward manager, my psychdoc and psychologist. the staff seem to think it should be ok.

i'll come back on in a bit when i'm able to see how everyone is doing

 

[katey]

Hello everyone, how you all doing? sorry havent been around for a little while ive struggled a lot the past week, i spent three days on the intensive care unit as i became high risk. have fallen out majorly with my mum so wen i do evntually go home i wont be going back to mums by the look of things at the minute.
Ive been put back onto a strict food regime and if things dont start moving, and i dont start eating theyr talking about admiting me to the general ward and tubing!!! i dont want it but i cant eat, its just bringing up so many problems and emotions and i'm struggling to deal with them. the eating disorder specialist came to see me this week. they were going to transfer me to to the ED unit but he suggested that as i know the staff and they know me, and they know my differnet moods, they let me stay there and he comes and sees me, or i go up to him in patient transport with an escort. It has to be fully discussed with the ward manager, my psychdoc and psychologist. the staff seem to think it should be ok.

i'll come back on in a bit when i'm able to see how everyone is doing

 

[Soulwings]

Ouch, Katey, sounds like you're going through a lot!! Please do your best to eat... having an NG tube would really really suck. Hang tough and keep focused on recovery. I'm glad that the ED specialist came to see you, and hopefully you can continue to see him... that would be good.

Heh, I was in the intensive care area for two and a half days because I was a risk to myself. Not a lot of fun back there. I was so glad to be moved out!!

 

[beckybooiloveu]

*HUGS* for everyone...

 

[Soulwings]

I bought blades today. And used them.

Ugh. I am in a hate-April mood right now, not because of the cutting, but because of other issues that J&I are going through. I just want to hide, make it all go away. Hurt myself so no one else can.

 

[Soulwings]

Buuuumpp....



How is everyone doing?...
...anyone?

 

[MyaShane]

April, I'm really sorry that no one responded to your post. I'm in finals week, but just one more final to take tonight!! So, it's been kind of crazy for me.

Do you want to talk about some of the issues you and J are having? Sorry that it's been rough for you. I'm glad to hear you say you're not hating yourself for cutting I think that's really great! A small set back, but we all face those from time to time. Are you doing any better today?

 

[katey]

April, Kerin, bec and everyone else, hope your all doing ok.

April, i'm so sorry ive not been around much. how you doing now? are things any better than the other day??

Kerin hope your last final went ok. what have you got planned for after?

sorry havent been on to let ou all now how things are, things have been a bit hectic. i had an NG tube fitted, but its gone now, didnt last very long. i sorta of told them id try and eat on my own!!! i hated it. so thats what ive been trying to do. they managed to weigh me this morning hotugh, didnt go down too well, ive been wearing baggy clothes n stuff and they didnt realise how much i had lost so theyr arnet too happy they spoke to the ED doc today hes coming back out tomorrow, so will see what he has to say. everyones agreed that if i try and co-operate with them i can stay on this ward. i'm hoping its not going to be too much longer htough, and then hopefully work at things thorugh outpatients again. but will have to see.
my selfharm and sui thoughts havent been going to well thorugh at all, was on one-to-one observations for a couple of days , theyve eased of a little but still arent too good. i'm starting to wonder if its all worth it

 

[Soulwings]

Katey Glad that you don't have the NG tube anymore... talk about unpleasant!! Try and do your best with eating... keep fighting; I am pretty sure that it's worth it. Stay strong, kiddo.

Kerin, good to see you again. I can't believe that your classes are almost over!! Seems like the summer is just whizzing on by... only a month until the fall term starts for me.

J&I... got a little too physical, not near sex or anything, but a little further than we should've. He was feeling a lot of guilt for it, because he got convicted at church about it (how come it's always to him that God speaks? am I that far from God, that He doesn't want to talk with me? or do I just not know how to listen?!)... but we talked with our pastor about it, and J is now feeling better about it all. I started cutting again because I felt guilty... so it was a proper mess and I'm going to have yet more lasting scars.

But no, I don't hate myself for cutting. It seems quite natural. I know in my head that it's unhealthy, but... still, it is the best mood stabilizer that I have ever experienced. And it keeps me from being suicidal. I feel really messed up right now...

 

[Soulwings]

Oh, and Kerin, in your pic, which one are you?

 

[MyaShane]

Katey, I'm glad you're doing better. And good for you for trying to eat on your own. It' hard, but I know you can do it!

April, you can't beat yourself up over other people's convictions. God speaks to each of us differently and what bothers one doesn't bother another and it doesn't seem to make any sense sometimes does it? Is it weird that I'm glad you have something that keeps you from being suicidal even though it's cutting?

Well, I only have 1 more week of work after this week and then I'm done at this job and btw YEA!!! Then I'll have two whole weeks to be home with my girls before nursing classes start on August eighteenth. I can't wait for the break!!

Oh, and I'm the one in the blue shirt. It was taken Saturday at my high school reunion which was so much fun!

 

[Soulwings]

Kerin, you're gorgeous. I love the color on you too, btw. All the women in the picture look lovely. Did you meet up again with lots of old friends/acquaintances?

I know I shouldn't beat up on myself over other people's convictions, but J has a way of making it seem like I am far from God if I am not hearing His voice. And even if I am hearing His voice, how do I know that it's His? My conscience is different than God's voice, and that's the only thing that's been speaking to me lately, really... no convictions, no nothing directly from our Abba. Just... ARGH!!

I told my parents about my cutting today. I don't know if that was a wise idea or not... I really want to cut right now... at my T appt today, we talked about it quite a bit, and my T said that I seem to be really rebellious right now, and wondered if I were in the middle of a manic episode, because I am not acting like myself. I agree with her - I don't feel like I'm acting like myself, and it's a weird feeling. Blah.

I see my NP tomorrow, and J is coming with. Let's hope she doesn't send me to the hospital.... heh.

How is everyone doing tonight?

 

[Arianna]

Sorry I've not been around -- My term has ended now, so I should be around a bit more.

Sorry you are struggling so much April -- and sorry I wasn't here to reply to any of your other posts. Can you get rid of the blades... or put them out of the way somewhere where they are difficult to get hold of - I know how tempting it is when you have something so easily available. Well done for telling your parents about it, that's very brave.

Great picture, Kerin how are you doing?

Katey, It is worth it and you are certainly worth it, things will get better. Hope you're ok

Ari
xxx

 

[Lady Bug]

Hi guys,

Wish I were doing alright. I'm loaded with thoughts on my mind right now

 

[Lady Bug]

well guys...as far as my binge eating problems, you will never guess how badly I did last night.

as a result I gained three pounds overnight because of this (pardon me though if mentioning numbers is a bad idea).

I had a well-made hamburger, but that was not the problem. I cooked half a bag of frozen french fries and guess how much I ate of it...yeah you guess it. Then I had one and a half frosted brownies...I almost had two of them but I know that if my dad saw that I had eaten both I would have gotten a lecture.

people without these binge eating problems think that all we need to do is tell ourselves not to eat, and it's that easy. how much more wrong can they be. I'm gravely concerned with how much I ate last night. and you want to know what is worse? after about two and a half to three hours, I felt starving. can you believe this? this is horrible.

 

[Soulwings]

Ari, welcome back! Wow, your term goes long... glad to hear that you have a break now, though. Will be looking forward to seeing you around a bit more. How're things going?

Kerin, Katey, Bec, how are you all doing?

Ladybug I'm sorry to hear that things are going so horribly for you right now. I can't say that I understand BED/COE but prayers will be sent for you. Hang tough and I - we - will be praying that you have an opportunity to seek help.

I know I ought to put the blades in a less-accessible spot, but it's so hard to do... right now I am going to try and cut down on it to only when I need it, rather than when I want it. Use it more theraputically and less like an illicit drug. I know it's not healthy but I can't eliminate it entirely... yet. I have so much other stuff to work on with getting right with God that... well, I can't work on it all at once or else I will crumble.

But with His strength! - I will get through it. Right?

How is everyone doing today?