Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (4)

[MyaShane]

Looks to be rather slow at work today which is just fine cuz I have some studying to do . And I really need a slow re-entry into work this week, busy weekend and not enough sleep!

 

[katey]

i had a weekend a bit like that, went to see my cousin and her baby off again tomorrow to see them, (ok shes not technically my cousin but were that close,we grew up #gether n everything her mum and my mum are best freinds so yeah basicaly we are!) but anyway i didnt get much sleep either,

i'm not great today having one of them bad days with everything,had fmaily therapy this morning and was oo not in the mood, my sister was supposed to coem aswell because shes on half term and she told ym mum she didnt want to go because they made her talk bout things!!! so was just me and my mum, managed to stay away from n e thing # heavy but still not great.

hows everyone else #day??
Kerin hope you manage to catch up on yor sleep xx

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Im feeling to full....trying to fight the urge to purge.....send me up some prayers...I need them....the struggle is getting harder and harder everyday

 

[katey]

Im feeling to full....trying to fight the urge to purge.....send me up some prayers...I need them....the struggle is getting harder and harder everyday

am praying for you hun your strong you can fight it.

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Thanks Katey...Im strong at times....but at other times Im not....so I dont know....like right now...I dont know if I can always pull through....but thanks for the prayers...I know God is in control of it all...as well for you too.....

 

[MyaShane]

Sabrina!

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Thanks Kerin....your and Kateys prayers must have been heard...I made it through and didnt purge....Im always happy for these times...but also a bit sad...b/c in the back of my mind Im tormented and thinking now your lunch will add to your weight...and Im so scared to look in the mirror...but at least I made it....my hearts been hurting lately and thats another thing that kept me from purging....I really need to stop the purging

 

[Soulwings]

/me hugs everyone.

Sabrina, I'm glad that you made it through without purging. That is definitely an accomplishment.

Katey, Kerin, how're you both? and Ari, if you're around?

.........

I... am not doing well. Not at all. My nutritionist appointment got cancelled for the second week in a row today, and I gave in and weighed myself, and have had two coffees today and not much else to drink (although I am eating, I promise). I'm sick so everything is dry, throat, lips, mouth. And my skin is drying out. It's really icky... I've never had dry skin on my hands, and it feels horrible. And looks it too. (I'm not vain, I really am not, but dry skin... never happens to me.) I think it's the Wellbutrin ... cos it dries things out (dry mouth etc.).

Anyway. The nutritionist appt cancellation really got me going. I feel horrible and NEED to see him because I have no idea what my body is doing (i.e., am I gaining/losing weight? how's the ratio of fat to lean muscle? etc.).

Aannd....

...umm...

I cut.
That ends five hundred and eighty one days of being cut-free.
Last night. Alone. Blade. Stress. Need I say more?
It was barely anything but in my eyes qualifies as a cut. And I furthered the slipup by cutting when I got home last night.

I am such a freaking failure.

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Hey April!!!!
Hun, it sounds like your having alot of anxiety not knowing stuff about your body....but you have to stop relying on that to get you through the day...you wont always have that....
and you cut....thats not good....but you know...just like I give in and purge at times and restrict...it doesnt mean its the end to everything and I screwed up...it means that I fell into this hole again for some reason...and there is always a reason..you need to figure out your reasons for feeling this in a healthy way...not a way you have been doing like cutting...
Your not a failure....your going through a struggle....look at what good you have done at lasting for so long with not cutting....you have done so much..and come so far...dont get down over one time...we are human..,.not perfect...we are going to mess up and make mistakes....and we have to learn to deal with those in healthy ways instead of the unhealthy route....we will only get better with positve attitudes in good and bad times

 

[dinonum]

Guys, I'm not really on here often, because since I stopped a obsessively working out and gained almost ### pounds by simply compulsively binging...well...I had stopped purging...

Last month I started back again. My weight started going back down I felt so happy, but yet so depressed. Well, I stopped again and I've gained a lot of weight back and I can't breathe a lot of time. It starts to get me down even though right now I've been feeling closer to God...

I just need some prayer....

 

[MyaShane]

April, we all fall down sometimes, but that doesn't mean we stay down. I know you're disappointed in yourself and I know you feel guilty, but I also believe you'll be able to get back up again and keep pressing on. You were able to go a LONG time without cutting and you should be really proud of yourself for that! I hope you're able to get to see your nutritionist soon and get some answers, I really think that will be a big help!

 

[MyaShane]

Guys, I'm not really on here often, because since I stopped a obsessively working out and gained almost ### pounds by simply compulsively binging...well...I had stopped purging...

Last month I started back again. My weight started going back down I felt so happy, but yet so depressed. Well, I stopped again and I've gained a lot of weight back and I can't breathe a lot of time. It starts to get me down even though right now I've been feeling closer to God...

I just need some prayer....

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Guys, I'm not really on here often, because since I stopped a obsessively working out and gained almost ### pounds by simply compulsively binging...well...I had stopped purging...

Last month I started back again. My weight started going back down I felt so happy, but yet so depressed. Well, I stopped again and I've gained a lot of weight back and I can't breathe a lot of time. It starts to get me down even though right now I've been feeling closer to God...

I just need some prayer....

Praying, Pm me if you need to!!!! Id love to just be there and talk/listen....

 

[katey]

Guys, I'm not really on here often, because since I stopped a obsessively working out and gained almost ### pounds by simply compulsively binging...well...I had stopped purging...

Last month I started back again. My weight started going back down I felt so happy, but yet so depressed. Well, I stopped again and I've gained a lot of weight back and I can't breathe a lot of time. It starts to get me down even though right now I've been feeling closer to God...

I just need some prayer....

sending my prayers for you

April i agree with KErin about speaking to your nutritionist it might help ease your mind a little bit. and as for the cutting hun you did sooo well to go soo long without doing it, we all have little blips and thats all it wasa blip and your so strong you can get through it. i know its a lot easier sed that doen but be proud of yourself for going so long. its hard not to let it get us down we we have blips but just keep allthe positive stuff in mind(again easie sed than doen i kno)



me well yeah things dont seem tobe going to well right now and i hate it soo much. i should be happy right now, i've had an invite to an interview for a university place to do my nursing, and then my housing forms came thorugh this morning, so i can no start looking to move out of here. but i'm not its not helped me at all, i thought it would thought it myt lift my mood a little bit but nope nothing at all.
everyones going on at my so much and its doing my head in, the weights falling of me and i cnt explain why so now evryone thinks i'm hiding things again why wont n e one listen to me

i've had a busy week of appointments this week as per usual therapy # times plus counciling, today my CPN and community psych doc came out n he had a right go at me n started talking about hospital if i dnt start improving or letting them help (i'm so trying its just so hard) it really got to me and i ended up cutting a lot (not good either i kno) i shouldnt have coz then i had a therapy appointment n it didnt help at all, it just made it worse i couldnt talk # him and i normally can, i didnt want to i wanted to run i told him wen i got there i didnt want # talk #day n hje wouldnt let me go because he sed i seemed agitated n unsettled n like there was soemthing going on, i tried to talk n let him in but i couldnt, he knew about my cpn coming out this morning asked how that had gone (he already knew coz theyd spoken # him!!!) and i sed fien n he then sed how did i feel about going into hospital. n it just wanted to run, he knew i'd doen soemthing n ketp asking me if i could show him just so he could check they were ok, he wasnt going # let me go till hed seen them and i hate showing them # n e one butat the same time i needed to get out of there!! i showed him n he didnt look impressed.not that he could do n e thing coz iwas out that door so quick. again probs not a good idea.


its just all doing my head in so much i just wanna run away from it all, dissapear

 

[Soulwings]

Katey. I'm sorry that today's been such a shyte day. Hopefully things look up for you in the near future. (Am hoping that, as always!!) I wish I could offer more words of encouragement & hope but I'm kind of drained at the moment. :-(

Kerin, Katey, Sabrina, thank you for your encouragement. It's so hard to not have that day count going anymore... it literally was the only thing that was keeping me from cutting. I talked with Jarrod tonight about it since he hadn't been really responding to my SI'ing, and because of that I had - in that unhealthy portion of my brain - told myself that it didn't matter if I cut or not since he didn't seem overly upset. Well, he told me otherwise tonight, so I feel restricted, in a way. But glad to know that he cares. Does that make any sense? (for some reason, I always doubt that I make sense. Pathological fear, heh. )

How's everyone tonight? Kerin, how are you? and you, Sabrina?

/me hugs sblood and wishes that she could help her more than she can...

 

[dinonum]

Thanks you all!

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

April those days you have counted do read your sucess of how long you have gone without SI, BUt the days you fail and get back up again do count your strength and willingness to try try and try again!! Look at those days in positive light as well...
April I get like that too, when Italk to my DH about my eating disorder at times and he doesnt jump on me or act all serious I feel like its not that big of a deal...but IT IS! I know he cares, and you know Jarred cares....its just our minds tricking us and helping us give into our struggles....we will reason around anything if you havent noticed yourself

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Praying for you Katey, Im always here for you, in here or you can pm me anytime! Just try and relax and remove yourself from the noise every once in a while, that helps....

 

[MyaShane]

I don't have much to offer today but hugs and prayers . I hope they'll do.

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

They do alot Kerin *hugs*