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Suffering from OCB

Discussion in 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' started by Liftyourhand7, May 12, 2007.

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  1. Liftyourhand7

    Liftyourhand7 Member

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    Well I don't even know where to begin, I suffer from OCB The Lord showed me that I did have this crazy thing, I am so distressed over it, I have been a Christian for over 20 years and just kept thinking that Satan was trying to terrorize me, I have been in depression for many years over this condition from thinking I am really not saved (How can people be saved that have the kind of blasphemos thoughts that I have) Yet I know Jesus has saved me because it is about his grace and His free gift to us. I cry over my thought life all the time it is truly like being tortured. I always ask for prayer for this never telling anyone what is really going on with me because I am so embarrassed. I lead worship in my church and I truly love Jesus and am grateful for what He has done for me How can I have such terrible thoughts towards Him and my Father in heaven and the Holy Spirt. It just does not make any sense. Thank you to all of you who have opened up to tell your stories it has helped me in ways you cannot even know. I wish that none of us had this,but I am grateful that I am not alone. Can any of you tell me where I could start to get help for this, One of my favorite verses is Luke 1:37 For nothing is impossible with God. I know that verse in my heart, but this condition seems so impossible. Love In Christ Jan
     
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. gracealone

    gracealone Regular Member

    +92
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    HI Jan,
    You've just done the first and most important thing toward getting help for your Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and that is to recogize that you have it and that these obsessive thoughts and the misery and intense anxiety that they cause are symptoms of it.
    You do need to open up to a Doctor about this so you can get on medication if needed to help alleviate some of your anxiety and then get into therapy if possible. Talk therapy won't help much but someone who can guide you with exposure/response therapy can.
    There is a good website which has been of extreme help to me... I'm a pure obsessional thinker like you. Try going to www.ocdonline and read some of the aricles by Dr. Steven Phillips
    Hang in there you are not alone, you can feel better and I'll be praying for you.
     
  3. polishmanmike

    polishmanmike New Member

    41
    +1
    Christian
    Single
    hey, I will be praying for u guys, plz my heart goes out to all, Kingdom of God is where its at, I live there, its great, check out the thread of Kingdom of God is here....
     
  4. Liftyourhand7

    Liftyourhand7 Member

    72
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    Christian
    Married
    Thank both of you for your reply. Gracealone can you just tell me is OCB classified as a disease? I don't have a full understanding of it. I am so leary of going on any medication I even hate taking an aspirin. I have read some articles however that said I probably do need to take something to help my depression over all of this,something that someone said on this board has really helped me and that was that God understands OCB, I just cried when I heard that. I so much want to be well. Do you have times that are better than other times? I know I need some help but it is so hard to tell people about this, I am sure you know that. I will hang in there I just feel like crying all the time(depression) Thank you for your words of encouragement. May God Bless you please don't stop praying for me. Blessings Jan
     
  5. gracealone

    gracealone Regular Member

    +92
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    Married
    US-Republican
    HI Jan,
    Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. OCD is classified as a disorder. I have the kind of OCD that only involves obsessional thoughts and images. I do not have or do compulsions but many on this forum do. I also have Panic disorder. What happens to people like you and I is that we have a chemical imbalance in our brain that causes our flight or fight center to work improperly. I want to encourage you that you can and will get better but you have to become educated about this disorder. Usually there is a serotonin imbalance in our brains. I went for many years without meds. because like you I don't like to take meds. I used natural supplements like ST. Johns Wort and I used vigorous aerobic exercise like running, speed walking, taebo etc. I've had great relief from this disorder for long periods in my life... although I've never been completely free of panic attacks but I've learned to live with them and just say ... "so what".
    Obsessional thoughts can really make me miserable though. Recently after years of doing quite well my anxiety disorders came back big time. It was very discouraging to me to find myself shaking and trembling, feeling nausea,unable to eat, unable to enjoy life again. Several years of stressful life events and not taking care of my physical well being with continued exercise is probably the reason it all came back. I too have awful thoughts that have made me wonder if I was a Christian. This time I sought therapy and I'm on meds. That was a real hard step for me as I've always tried to tough it out and handle things on my own. I'ts hard for me to open up about this.. but recently I've even given testimony of what it's like to be a Christian and also suffer from anxiety disorders. I have noted that there is a huge amount of misunderstanding within the Christian community about anxiety disorders and I want very much to educate other Christians so that an attitude of compassion and understanding would prevail rather than confusion and judgementalism.
    Please... go to a Doctor and open up about this. You don't need to go on suffering when there are things that can help you. Meds. are not the only solution but they can help you feel good enough to begin doing the hard work of exposure/response therapy.
    I'm so glad you found this forum. The people here understand the depth of your pain.. and they are right in saying that Jesus does too. He loves you.. OCD cannot ever change that.
    I'll keep praying for you too.
    p.s. Also, if you have children it's important that you learn all you can just in case they become afflicted with this. Several of my children have had problems with this.. but they know what to do because of me and they haven't had to suffer in silence as long as I did.
     
  6. Liftyourhand7

    Liftyourhand7 Member

    72
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    Christian
    Married
    Gracealone, Thank you, you sound just like me, I will go along time without panicking or becoming depressed then as you said stressful events throw me right back into the thoughts of hopelessness. I will do more research on OCD I never have acted on any of my thoughts they just live inside of me and come out to torture me at certain times. God has helped me so much but as someone on the board also said ,if I had a heart blockage I would go to the doctor to seek medical attention so why when I have a problem in my brain would I not seek a doctor for that. I know the Lord uses all that happens to us for his glory and our good I will press on and I will use all the wisdom that I find from people like you to help me. Keep educating the Christian community, when I get better I will join that fight with you. Thank you my dear sister for talking with me about this I know its not an easy thing to discuss. I am really struggling right now so your prayers and you discussing this with me are a precious gift. Blessings Jan
     
  7. gracealone

    gracealone Regular Member

    +92
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    HI Jan,
    I am blessed to think that I've encouraged you in any way. Truly it's the Lord working in and through all of us to bring comfort and encouragement to us in all our trials. So thank you for opening up with me too. I'm also encouraged to know I have another sister out there who understands my suffering. I'll keep you always in my prayers and your family too.
     
  8. Liftyourhand7

    Liftyourhand7 Member

    72
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    Christian
    Married
    Gracealone, Again Thank you for remembering me in your prayers That is the ultimate help that I need, I am feeling better the last couple of days, just knowing what OCD is, is half the battle, Iwent to Bible study this morning and was so helped by our lesson today, it was on discouragment,A couple of the women there picked up on something was not right with me, One of them took me out to lunch and I was able to tell her about what was going on with me(really hard to do) she told me that she had ADD. God is so good He sends us the right people just at the right time, just as He did with you, I consider it a previledge to know you and thank you for your knowledge and advice on this disorder. I tried to open up to my husband last night, and bless his heart He just doesn't get it, Its hard to explain this to people. But it is necessary to try so they can at least begin to try and understand. Jesus says the truth will set us free. Thanks again my sister for being there I am praying for you as well, God Bless you for caring. Jan
     
  9. gracealone

    gracealone Regular Member

    +92
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    Hi Jan,
    It's great that you opened up about your OCD. All my close family members know about my OCD and Panic Disorder. I didn't talk about it for years... I figured everyone would label me "nuts". My husband has ADD so he understands that the brain can do some strange things. I'm glad that I opened up because our youngest son married a very sweet Christian girl who has PTSD. She suffered for years without help because she thought her problems were because of a lack of faith. (Or so she was told.) My son had her talk to me about my disorder because some of her symptoms are like ours. It was hard for her at first to seek help but she finally did and she's doing just great now. It helped me to know that I could encourage her about her disorder because of mine. You just never know who you can help by having the courage to speak up about your disorder. You must also be prepared though for folk who aren't educated about these disorders who may try to tell you that you have a spiritual problem instead of a real disorder. I try not to be angry with people who do that but try rather to educate them if they are willing to listen.
    Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
    Blessings.
     
  10. Liftyourhand7

    Liftyourhand7 Member

    72
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    Married
    Gracealone, Thank you , I sure will keep in touch I will keep watching the board as well, maybe there is someone out there that can use my help, and if there is anyway I can pray for you (Besides what I am already praying for you please let me know.) I am glad your daugther in law is much better these issues seem to affect the nicest people. But Praise God He can even get us through this. All things are possible with him. Love In Christ Our Lord Jan
     
  11. Liftyourhand7

    Liftyourhand7 Member

    72
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    Christian
    Married
    Hi Guys, I have been opening up to some of my family about my OCD, I have to tell you I am not getting much support. They are saying things like, well you probably don't have this, or you are just going to obsess now over knowing that you have it, (YA think) They are making me feel a little guilty about finding out more about this condition. I know Jesus can and will get me through this I have been a Christian for many years,but I feel like they just don't understand. I talked to my mom about this again this morning ,she is a wonderful christian mom and I am so blessed but you could just hear in her voice the UMHUM( it was like Oh Please) It almost made me cry, but instead I became a little defensive. Anyway does anyone out there have some advice for me in this area. Thank you Jan
     
  12. gracealone

    gracealone Regular Member

    +92
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    HI Jan,
    They don't understand because they don't have it. If they did they would be heartsick to know how you suffer. It will take time for them to understand. I don't know if I can get a hold of an article that was written some time ago in Physicians Magazine, which is put out by Focus on the Family. It was on OCD. I wrote a smaller article in it about my experience with Panic disorder. It might be good for them to read up on OCD information from a Christian perspective. If I find it I'll write you and you pm. me. so I can send it to you. May take a few weeks, as I have copies at my cottage but not here. Let me know if your interested.
    It really took years of opening up gradually with some of my family members for them to "get it". The first time I told my mom that I thought I needed to see a psychologist she told me that only weak people needed to do that. She is also a wonderful Christian but she was clueless about these disorders. Now she understands and is very supportive as well as sympathetic when I'm going through a rough patch.
    I know it hurts to have your suffering minimized or not understood, and sadly that happens more often when you speak to Christians about it than not. It's not their fault, though, they've been listening to people who think these things are due to a lack of faith instead of a chemical imbalance in the brain.
    Hang in there... and go to the Docs., I promise.. if they have a medical degree they should "get it" and be able to help you. The most important thing is to be open and transparent about this with them.
    I'm still praying for you everyday.. promise.
    Love you,
    Mitzi... finally got the courage up to let my name out. It's an unusual name so someone might read my posts and know who I am... So what! ;)
     
  13. Liftyourhand7

    Liftyourhand7 Member

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    Hi Mitzi, Thank you once agin for responding to my last message. I think you are right they just do not understand, ( Can't blame them I hardly understand it). Oh well, I have already put in a request to see a Christian couselor, this is a big step for me, I also talked today with a friend of mine who is a R.N. and a dear christian sister, she totally agrees that I need to seek some help for this, I was always afraid to because I thought I was not trusting God enough, but my dear sister reminded me that from the beginning of time God in his word did not most of the time just sap people and make them well ( He could of course do that but most of the time that is not how he chose to work, He did use couselors even in the old testament, He allowed us to help each other through His Holy Spirit, otherwise I suppose we would not need each other. That was a really good word for me. I am taking these first steps, thank you so much that you have promised to pray for me, May I put in a request to you will you pray that God will lead me to the person He has chose to counel me and that I would be obidient to my Lord's voice. Thank you for your encouraging words and yes if you could find the article from Focus on the family I would be grateful. Love you too! Blessings Jan
     
  14. gracealone

    gracealone Regular Member

    +92
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    Married
    US-Republican
    HI Jan,
    Yes I'll be in prayer for you for God's guidance to the right counselor. I actually see a psychologist. I don't know if she's a Christian but she is very supportive of my faith as well as being very knowledgeable about my condition. Keep in mind that you need to see someone with a thorough knowledge of anxiety disorders and OCD. Some traditional forms of cognitive behavior therapy aren't helpful. You need someone who can coach you about exposure/response therapy, specifically to help with the pure "O" type of OCD that you and I both have. A GP can get you started on the right meds.
    So glad you found someone who understands and is supportive and encouraging you to seek help.
    Hang in there.
    When I get to the cottage I'll look for the article.
    God Bless,
    Mitzi
     
  15. marcb

    marcb Regular Member

    332
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    Married
    Hi Jan,

    I had a similar response from my folks at first. What I began to realize is that maybe they understood but had a little bit of denial. Parents don't like to see their (adult) kids have hardships, so I'm sure it is a bit of a defense mechanism. I think your mom will come around on this one. It may take a while, because she probably never knew something was really bothering you to this extent. At least that's how my "news flash" was received. Try to be as patient and understanding with her on this as you would like her to be to you in this situation and watch God work it all out.

    Just as we have to digest what's happening to us as we learn about our condition, others close to us must process it as well, but as "outsiders," so it's really hard to understand. It's hard for us to understand, so others will struggle perhaps more with the reasoning.

    Also, ocd can run in families, so they may be struggling themselves with some denial, or even obsessing falsely that they had something to do with your problems because of the way they raised you. It's a complicated dynamic. Now I see a lot of ocd behavior in my family, so as I look back I realize there was some defensiveness with regards to many things I said about myself to them.

    God bless.

    Marc
     
  16. Liftyourhand7

    Liftyourhand7 Member

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    Mitzi and Marc, I will keep close to my heart everyting you guys have said thank you so much for your support. I can see God's hand in all of this already He loves us all so much, and wants each of us to have great success in all that we do, especially our ministries ( I lead worship at my church) and you guys are such a great support system for many on this forum. Thank you I love you guys. Jan
     
  17. kathleenl

    kathleenl New Member

    7
    +0
    Eastern Orthodox
    Dear Jan: My OCD began with blasphemous thoughts that started when I was 12 years old. They came out of nowhere while I was at choir practice at Church. It scared the living daylights out of me and tortured me to the point where I could no longer go to Church as I felt so guilty and thought I was surely possessed. I suffered like this for years, and developed compulsions like handwashing and checking in an attempt to "atone" for my sins. I also started to give up things I like (you read and so graciously answered my post) such as fashion magazines, and mostly anything secular. I felt I could not buy things like pretty clothes and jewelry. I usually did buy them anyway but felt guilty afterwards.

    I will tell you the Zoloft really helped with the awful thoughts. They are still there a little but more like background noise and they don't make me feel as guilty as I now know it is an illness and the Lord understands.

    As you know, the main thing I still struggle with is the magazines and other secular things and the fact that I did not get rid of them being the reason that God did not heal my sweet husband. I want you to know, however, that your reply did help and encourage me a lot.

    I wish all the best for you and hope you find a Christian counsellor who knows about OCD. Please keep us posted.

    Blessings,

    Kathleen
     
  18. Liftyourhand7

    Liftyourhand7 Member

    72
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    Hi Kathleen, Thank you so much for your reply and thank you for praying for me I am so glad that I found this forum and all of you, I know we all suffer alot with all this stuff but I am so glad we are there for each other, isn't it great that we are all sisters and brothers in our Lord, thank you once again for telling me that God does understand our condition and that we are his anyway I know this in my heart, ( it's just those awful thoughts that try to disrupt everything and steal my joy). You are a dear christian sister to me and I pray for you every day (really I do!) I will keep you posted as I start counseling and therapy, We are all going to be ok because we have a Father who loves us dearly and will NEVER let go of us. You have a wonderful day and I will be talking to you soon. Love You Jan
     
  19. Boxers1

    Boxers1 Member

    80
    +9
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    Married
    Hi Jan...
    I have Pure O OCD and it is a very real disorder no matter what anyone else thinks. I have been tormented with unwanted blasphemous thoughts regarding my Christian faith and I always thought it was demons until I began to understand more and more that it is a medical condition- a type of anxiety disorder that feeds off of unwanted catastrophic thoughts. It is best to talk to your doctor or a therapist who specializes in treating OCD. It hurts a lot if the people you are closest to blow you off or make you feel more guilty. I understand. Ultimately you have to take charge for yourself and seek help b/c you are the one who has to live with your own mind. I have learned a lot on this forum from others who suffer with this disorder and I have a therapist who has taught me a lot about "not fighting" the thoughts, b/c that only makes them worse. Feel free to ask any questions about what you are struggling with. We have all been there and understand your fears about living with a tormented mind.
    Boxers1
     
  20. gracealone

    gracealone Regular Member

    +92
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    Great advice Boxer!!
    Mitzi
     
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