Stuck in a relationship

[Rachel86]

So, my boyfriend and i have been together over a year and a half. We've had many break-ups and make-ups(obviously the makeups if i'm still with him), but i've realized how i've changed, and in some ways good, but most ways not for the better. I'm Christian, and God used to be the most important thing in my life, even if i was strugling with things i still knew God was there for me and i could always put my faith in Him no matter what. I still believe that but when we first started dating i was strong, but i have become weaker an weaker to temptations all around me, so much so that im pretty much suseptable to anything at this point. So that already says a lot about our relationship i know. But my whole thing is tryin to make it work because i don't wanna lose him in my life. I love him. bUt because of all we've gone through it's hard for me to be 100% in love. It's been so long, im 23 and i feel like hope is lost for me. I'm gonna have to make some big changes and i'm so scared and feel entirely incapable of making good choices. I have given up on myself, and have been anxious for the past 6-7 months. I know if i end up stayin with him we'll get married and be in denial ...unhappy and a huge dissapointment. WE started having sex about 4 months into our relationship, we've broken up over it but after so many times it's become common in the nature of our relationship. I live with my grandparents, whom i'm close to, and they think we broke up a while ago. My familly has accepted it, although they don't support it truly, because i know it's not totally right and they know i know. I need help so bad, i know the biggest thing is that i've gotta make some big decisions, but i'm so soooooo terrified. My life is built with him right now, not living together, but we work together, how much does that suck? HE is such a sweet guy though and he used to really love me, i'm pretty sure he still does, and he's changed and grown a lot, but I've gotton so low and lost so much of myself, it's not worth it anymore i know....i'm such an idiot, gosh!!!! my friends are too busy to talk and i'm so emberrassed about going ot my mom, she's helped me through so much already and i just hate burdening her with the same
i know she'd listen but i just want her to be proud of me and i hate myself right now....I've even gone as far as thinking of woman instead and feeding that idea, and it sickens and scares me.....i've drifted so far i do'nt know if there's hope for me getting back....

 

[Johnnz]

There are two issues to get sorted.

a) Is he really, sex aside, the person who you believe you want to marry and who will be capable of being a good husband, father, provider and companion?

b) If not, then sex isn't going to change any of that. If so, then where are your joint plans for marriage at present?

John
NZ

 

[Criada]

There is always hope, sweetie, and you are loved, never forget that.
Maybe you could suggest not seeing one another for a while to give you time to decide what is really right? I know that won't be easy if you work together, but... outside of work.
If the problem is just that you are in a bad place and suffering anxiety, I'd suggest trying to sort that out before trying to make any big decisions... you won't be thinking clearly at the momwnt

 

[looking4answers89]

I have been going through similar problems with my boyfriend. I have the same feeling about havin to talk to my mom about everything. But the truth is, you're 23 and if you can't make any decision without telling your mom about it, then it's not about you making the decision. It turns into you making the decision for your mom's sake. Make decisions for your sake, for God ultimately. But don't go around deciding things for YOUR life and simultaneously for somebody elses. I may be wrong, but it doesn't sound right to me! Maybe you're saying that about your mom because she's controlling or manipulative. Similar qualities in my mom. And I also struggle with anxiety. Today I meditated on Philippians 4:4-9. Go check it out and I pray the Lord speaks to you! You are SO loved by HIM!

 

[Saucy]

You say he's a really sweet guy and has been really growing lately, which is awesome!! But what I see when I read your text is that you're kinda blaming him for your descent. You haven't really said why the relationship is bringing you down. Personally, and I don't want to upset you, but the truth is that your descent is your fault. You allowed certain things to come into your life and they've hurt you. Sex before marriage is only one such thing that is hurting you and there are probably others, but you equally allowed the sex as much as he has. You decided to date someone who was considerably weaker and in order to stay with this person, you had to sort of weaken yourself to his level.

The bible says not to be unequally yolked with an unbeliever. I'm not sure if he is a Christian or not, but when I see "unequally yolked", but I also think it can mean two Christians who aren't on the same level spiritually. You aren't "stuck". You can leave him right this second if you wanted to. But again, what I'm seeing is that you're blaming him for your fall.

You can, A) look in the mirror and see how/why you've fallen so far and find ways to bring yourself back up. This will have one of two results...inspire him to grow with you or he might end up leaving you. If he leaves you because you want to be a stronger Christian (including cutting off all sex until your married), then he's not what God had in mind for you. Or B) you can separate. Truthfully, you need to get back into being strong spiritually at all costs. Your relationship with God is what is hurting here. You have been putting this guy before the Lord in your life and you have been hurt because of it.