I have been a christian for about 2 years now I was a drug addict and converted in rehab now im in bible college perusing a carer in ministry but i am having issues. I am in a place in my life where i believe in God and have seen him do a wonderful work in my life he has changed me sooo much but yet i find myself unwilling to pray and read my word. i no that this is essential to proper growth in the spirit but yet i cannot bring myself to do it. its like work for me to open my word. i even have a reading plan and everything i just dont follow it. why do i feel so silly when i pray? why cant i read my bible? is there any help out there that can just either give me some encouragement or someone who went through the same struggles and have a helping hand.
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Struggling
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I don't know if this fits, but I'll give you my experience and you can pray about it.
I periodically reach a place in my spiritual walk where further effort would be a work of the flesh. Where actions and increased knowledge would be feeding ego, not the heart. Where increased effort would take me out of the place of peace and rest where the Lord wants me to be, where I need to be.
Amid all His preaching and personal ministry, Jesus took much time to get away alone. We know He prayed. I believe that included a wide range of communion with the Father, including tender meditation.
Father wants to meet us deep in our inner man, not in external traditions or practices. I'm doing gardening this year, and I see that it's not the number of seeds I throw down that's most critical, it's the condition of the soil. It's always quality over quantity.
So maybe those things you're resisting are religious disciplines that wouldn't benefit you at this moment. Maybe the prayer you're thinking of is what you think you "should" be praying, but Holy Spirit isn't in it. Maybe the reason you can't bring yourself to do these things is that the Lord wants intimacy more than performance.
It's ok to take time off from the things we're told we're supposed to be doing, to lay aside our own works and instead tune in to the interaction of our hearts with His presence. Our religious nature continually tries to turn relationship into performance. It takes repeated cleansing and renewal in the Holy Spirit to get our focus back on Christ. The secret is not works, it is abiding.
I periodically reach a place in my spiritual walk where further effort would be a work of the flesh. Where actions and increased knowledge would be feeding ego, not the heart. Where increased effort would take me out of the place of peace and rest where the Lord wants me to be, where I need to be.
Amid all His preaching and personal ministry, Jesus took much time to get away alone. We know He prayed. I believe that included a wide range of communion with the Father, including tender meditation.
Father wants to meet us deep in our inner man, not in external traditions or practices. I'm doing gardening this year, and I see that it's not the number of seeds I throw down that's most critical, it's the condition of the soil. It's always quality over quantity.
So maybe those things you're resisting are religious disciplines that wouldn't benefit you at this moment. Maybe the prayer you're thinking of is what you think you "should" be praying, but Holy Spirit isn't in it. Maybe the reason you can't bring yourself to do these things is that the Lord wants intimacy more than performance.
It's ok to take time off from the things we're told we're supposed to be doing, to lay aside our own works and instead tune in to the interaction of our hearts with His presence. Our religious nature continually tries to turn relationship into performance. It takes repeated cleansing and renewal in the Holy Spirit to get our focus back on Christ. The secret is not works, it is abiding.
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heymikey80
Quidquid Latine dictum sit, altum viditur
There're times when I needed people to connect with, and not understanding Scripture was one way God sent me looking for people -- to help.
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I feel like im just talking to myself sometimes like i believe in God and I know he is there listing to me and sometimes i even get responses but when i pray i just dont know how and or just feel weird being a new christian and all makes it hard i know and i need to practice more and i know i cant expect my relationship with God to be like the ones i have here on earth. i have been doing alot better with it this last week and i do feel closer to God. sometimes i feel, though, that when i start to do good i mess up somehow and after that i get back into my rusts b/c i feel guilty i know i shouldn't and all is forgiven and i need to strive forward cause the devil is gonna do that stuff but its just hard....l
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Revived
Fighting the good fight of faith.
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Sounds like you are on the right track to me. I believe prayer is a bit awkward to a lot of believers at first. It should be recognized and commended that you are taking the initiative to seek answers and understanding. That's awesome bro! 
Just keep listening for God and this whole process will become more and more comfortable. Remember what Paul said in Romans 12 ... this transformation and the renewing our your mind is a process and it can take some time. God is into marinating and not microwaving.
If you continue to feel like you're having difficulties hearing or discerning the voice of God, take the time to watch this ...
Foundation Class 4. Hearing God - YouTube
God Bless!
Just keep listening for God and this whole process will become more and more comfortable. Remember what Paul said in Romans 12 ... this transformation and the renewing our your mind is a process and it can take some time. God is into marinating and not microwaving. If you continue to feel like you're having difficulties hearing or discerning the voice of God, take the time to watch this ...
Foundation Class 4. Hearing God - YouTube
God Bless!
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I get this way when I feel like others are controlling my faith. Take a look at what's in your life right now: competing Christian students who are trying to prove themselves in a new environment; teachers with firm convictions and grades on your responses; church; maybe a fellowship/Bible study of people who know your thoughts, struggles and aspirations; a reading plan you are trying to stick to. You are immersed.
That's not a bad thing, but when you look within yourself you might find that you feel your personal faith and precious relationship with God was stolen by others trying to tell you what to do. What your faith is. Who is more spiritual. What is more right. Christians can create a great environment to live in, but can also get competitive and self-driven, like anyone else.
I would suggest that you find a way to escape the throng, at least once a week and go for a walk by yourself. Let God be yours, without the hype and legalisms.
If you lose this contact with Him, then what is all the rest worth? Hold onto your own faith as though it's a precious gem... like Danny DeVito in Romancing the Stone.
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Good teaching, which can include good reading can open up the scriptures in new ways for us. That's been my experience. Otherwise, it can get a bit boring rereading something with just the same meaning, or at times mystery, as before.
Prayer is not always easy. Often, it is as we come to know more about God that our prayers become more real for us, and that is linked with understanding the scriptures.
You are not alone. Most of us have gone through patches just like yours.
John
NZ
Prayer is not always easy. Often, it is as we come to know more about God that our prayers become more real for us, and that is linked with understanding the scriptures.
You are not alone. Most of us have gone through patches just like yours.
John
NZ
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