struggling

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

I love you, Sara. God does too. Very, Very much.

-Jo.

 

[Lambkins]

Nope! We are gonna keep on praying for you Sara. Know why? Because we can!
You are not going to deter us either is she girls?
Satan may be the Prince of this world at present, but, Jesus is King!!!
We are going to Praise God for you every minute of every day! And, each time you rebutt us, we will Praise God!
We will Praise God until your self esteem is lifted and our voices will echo through the heavens. We are all Children of God here Sara. Why? Because we have faith in Him, and Him alone.
You think you are not worth the time and effort. But, that is what you think, not what we know!

Sara, I am too stubborn to quit praying for you!
God has placed such a burden on my heart for you!
When God gives you a burden like that.
It doesn't lift until God has worked it out!
You are stuck with me praying for you!!

So as far as I see it, you are already on the road to recovery!

So I will say it again! Still praying for you Sara!

Love and Hugs Sheila

 

[Imani]

well i just want to let all of you know im going away for awhile i dont for how long or anything.

your all really spceial people and you all mean alot to me and i hope you never forget that

luv Sara

 

[Bevlina]

Well, I hope when you return from your holiday Sara that you will feel more refreshed and happy within yourself.
I'm a stubborn one though like Lambkins, and the only way we can show we love you is through prayer.

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

Can a mod like... keep checking up on her every now and then... just to make sure she's ok? Cus I'm concerned. And yeah, I would do it myself... but I would just feel better if I new a mod was making sure she's ok.

-Jo.

 

[Imani]

ok this is how i feel

some friends from here took me to a youth alive concert last night. it was good but it made me really really sad whcih made me leave early cos I couldnt cope and then i came home and SI'd and... well...

The guy that talked, he talked about how he before he really became a christian (cos he grew up in church and he knew about Jesus just didnt know Jesus if that makes sense. I grew up in church too so I know all the verses and all the stoires and everything. Doesnt mean its real to me tho.) Well anyways he talked about how he used to cry himself to sleep and how he felt like dying and like life wasnt worth it and he hurt so bad inside and even tho he had lots of friends he still felt really unwanted and unloved and alone.. but then one night he heard someone talk and felt like the person had had a camera in his room and knew all of what he felt and then they said Jesus cant make you feel better so he prayed and Jesus did come to him and he felt him so strongly and it all became real to him...
then he talked about another girl he knew, who felt the same but couldnt find Jesus and chose to die instead. and he read out the letter she left.

and then there was this song by PlanetShakers some of it goes...

My heart it longs, my soul it thirst for more,
for more of you.
I'm reaching out, i'm waiting here for more,
for more of you.

Cause all i want is you,
all i need is to be here with you.

Im hungry for Your fire,
Im desperate, You're my one desire
Jesus, please dont pass me by

I need You, more than ever,
i'm thirsty, for a touch from Heaven
Jesus, please dont pass me by.....

well... ive sung that song SO MUCH to HIM... but...

well this is what i wrote when i got home last night

Youth Alive was good, and I did enjoy going... what Mike was talking about well... those feelings = me. That letter = me. Only difference is, Ive tried to let Jesus help me. Yeh so I was sitting there and yeh I wanted to go down for the altar call but what is the point? Ive said that prayer a few times, ive been on my knees desperate, crying heaps of times. Man I even had Reggie Dabbs talkin and praying with me for like an hour. Do I mean it when i pray - with ALL MY HEART. Do I want to find God - DESPERATLY. Does He ever answer - no... and I dont understand why. Only He knows how many times ive screamed out for him to help me for Him to save for Him to care about me, how many times ive cried and begged for Him to care about me... man read my journals ive got books of letters and poems to Him... even my CF journal has them...but its still emptiness and lonliness and pain and I still cant reach Him. The bible says call out to Him, call on His name, cast all your cares on Him etc etc... but why doesnt He answer ME???????? (Not a queston to you so you dont need to think you have to answer that. I know you cant). Only God knows how often i ask for His help ask Him to care only God knows how hard I try to make sense of the bible only God knows why He doesnt answer and why He doesn't like me. I wish I knew what Im doing wrong... but I think its just who I am. I dont know if Im giving up on Him completley or what, all I know is IM HURTING SO BAD INSIDE and I REALLY WISH HE CARED. .... Im depserate for you... please dont pass me by.... but He does. Always He does... doesnt mastter how many times I sing this, cry this, scream this... always He passes me by. Why am I so invisible??????????? Why doesnt anyone see how much I want this to be real???????????? Why doesnt anyone see how bad I hurt????????????? How empty I am?????????????????? How lonley I am?????????????? How totally depserate I am for something to change soon????????????? before it really is too late. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Im running out of words and out of ability to even try anymore.

Im sorry im writing all this ... its not so anyone will answer ... I just needed to get it out.... I just want someone to understand whats it like inside me right now... but no one can.

sorry that this is so long... you dont need to reply to this ok!

 

[Bevlina]

Yep, I understand all of what you have written Sara. And, it's OK, Sara has gone on a camping trip! I'd love to be there! I love camping as it's so much fun! It's so much freedom, new things to see, birds to hear, and beautiful scents of the Australian bushland.

All I can say is ... that wasn't the best of testimonies to hear when you are in the state you are in Sara. The content was too close to home for you.

Know what? God never drops a gold brick in our laps. The shock would be too great.
He works in a very slow, easy manner because He has His own timing.

Many people don't stop to think of God's timing. And, it is so important to have the gift of patience because while you are praying, He is listening and knowing what is best. But, we just have to be patient and wait for His timing and pray that He gives us the strength to be patient.

Remember the prayer Jesus told us?
"Thy Will be done..."
We all have to wait for God's perfect timing for the whole scene to fall into place in our lives.
And, while we wait, we just have to pray correctly, and that is to pray for strength, and patience while we await His perfect timing.
We tell Him we place our life in His Hands and mean it. And, we should all place our lives into His Hands because only He knows what is best to do with our lives.
Then, we leave our life in His Hands. Then, and only then, can He act.
God is a perfect Gentleman. He will never barge into our lives unless our life belongs to Him and we have given Him full control and power over it. And, He must know that we mean for Him to have full control with all of our hearts, souls and mind.

 

[notworthknowing]

Sara

God does love you. I wish I knew how to show you that. Please know that there are so many people who REALLY LOVE YOU, yes, YOU. We don't just love you because we have to, we don't just say we love you because it sounds nice, we don't just acknowledge your presence here on the boards and then forget about you when your not online. We really love you, we want you around, we need your friendship. Yes Sara, we need you. I wish you could see how much I need you, how much everyone here needs you. How special you are in our lives.

I'm praying for you so much. I know your not here to read this right now... I just really hope you come back so you can read this.

Love,
Kaitie

 

[Bevlina]

She'll be back Kaitie. She knows we love and care for her so very, very much. I can't stop thinking of both you young ladies. My heart is with you so much!

 

[goldenviolet]

sara sara sara sara sara sara sara sara there is so many people reaching out to love you. allow some of them and some of us to lift you up. except our encouragement... and do what you can to take care of yourself. i love you!! you are really important to me!!! God loves you! your struggles are really hard, you need to except all the love and comfort offered to you. you are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for!
my sara... my butterfly.... my friend... my sister... commere ....
God has sent people to keep you safe, and from being alone. reach back hun! you can do it.
and a break from all the intensity will be great. find somethings you love to do... and enjoy them. i love you!! love lots and lots, dee
.........

........... ...............

.............

...........

 

[Lambkins]

Good Monday Morning Sara!!

Lucky you, got to go camping!!

I just love camping, but it will be another 3 months before it is warm enough to camp here!

If I would of know earlier, I would have snuck into your duffel bag!

I have been praying for you all weekend! You can't stop me!!

Sara, concerning your post above, I have a question for you.

What do you expect God to do for you, when you cry out to Him for help?

I get the impression that you expect fireworks and writing on the wall and miracles.
Correct me if I am wrong!

Now don't think that I don't believe in those things.
Because I do believe in miracles, big time!
There are people out there that get saved, and God does remove their burdens and addictions immediately. Lucky them!!
And yes I will keep praying for a miracle for you!

But for most of us, it is a struggle to overcome our problems.
We have to have faith that God is there, that he Loves us, cares for us and is working in our lives.
Being a Chistian is hard work!

I will be praying that your faith will be built up daily. That God will reveal Himself to you in your daily life.

I have read some of your other posts in CF and your Journal.
I see a young woman that is very loving and has a heart for other people!

God is using you to reach out to others, and as you heal, He will use you more and more!
Open yourself up to the leading of the Spirit.

I pray that you had a great time camping and looking forward to hearing from you again Sara!

Love and Hugs to You today!!

 

[notworthknowing]

Sara

I just wanted to let you know how much I love you, how special you are to my life, and to Madison's life. You are like my sister, and I don't want to lose you from my life. Please know that I will always be here for you in anway that I can be. I love you, and I'm praying for you.

Love,
Kaitie

 

[goldenviolet]

* dee wonders....where's that girl of mine ? i love you sweetie!!

 

[Bevlina]

For Sara......

 

[Bevlina]

Right now, Sara is having a lovely holiday camping! There is nothing to fear. She'll be back soon dee!

 

[notworthknowing]

I miss Sara!!! Girl, please hurry up and come back...life's not the same without you around.


Love
Kaitie

 

[Bevlina]

It really isn't Kaitie. Sara needs the holiday ... and, we need her!!

 

[Lambkins]

​

 

[Bevlina]

For My Darling Sara on your safe return.

 

[goldenviolet]

this is me and my sara