Struggling with the OT because of OCD

[HopingForJesus]

I have been reading my Bible pretty much every night. I don't know exactly what is wrong with me. I am afraid to read my Bible because it spikes my OCD and sometimes I will actually get angry and frustrated and then bad thoughts go through my head. I don't want to sin against God with these thoughts. There are many things in the Old Testament that I consider harsh and perhaps they are triggering for me. Other parts I read I have trouble concentrating on and feel like they are dull, but I am working on reading through it anyways. I want to successfully read and comprehend my Bible because I know how important it is. I just seem to be really struggling with the Old testament which I have read before and this seems to be a new recurring issue for me. I feel guilty about it. Then I start to wonder if I should only read the parts I can handle reading without getting so overwhelmed. I am not sure honestly. It is a source of grief for me and shame.

 

[drjean]

I might be able to help if I had more information about by what your OCD is caused specifically. However, I trust you do know, though you don't sound clear on that in your posting.

There is a type of therapy that can help some with OCD and phobias that is called "flooding". It means that you measurably overwhelm the patient with the very thing that causes them fear or distress. For some, this works for a few reasons, but mainly because of desensitization. What we are constantly buffetted by we tend to ignore later, or when it occurs in a lesser degree it doesn't affect us as much.
But you really need help by a trained therapist for that.

When trying to study your Bible, I don't think forcing yourself to do so, such as reading the OT, will help, nor do I think you will get anything out of what you read. If you insist on trying, then move from book to book and see if there is one that does not cause the angst as others do. Do you enjoy poetry or prose, then try Psalms and Proverbs, etc. If you're a history buff, then 1 & 2 Samuel and Chronicles might be interesting to you...

I really think sticking to what you can read easily and eagerly, and learning all you can about those verses would do you fine. I know a minister who preached a whole year, Sunday after Sunday, just on John 3:16 alone...and the message (while always the same result) was always different and gave us great perspective.

It's not the quantity of verses you read, but what you can draw from the ones you do read and study.

Be well.

 

[HopingForJesus]

Thank you drjean for your insight. Because of depression and a lack of motivation and fear of blasphemous thoughts I had avoided reading the Bible completely for a long time so I promised God I would start reading it again, and I feel badly because I am struggling so much with it. There are parts that I find too difficult to read because of what I previously posted and truly the info is not sinking in. Other parts I am able to read and then when I hit a certain spot my ocd flares up. If I read parts of where God was harsh in the judgement of his people that sometimes causes a flareup of bad thoughts. If I read about hell, that can be a trigger too. Sometimes, I just get triggered by nothing, or I get mad and feel like a child throwing a temper tantrum because I don't know how to handle a certain part. I feel completely stupid admitting this. I feel like I should be able to read and digest the information in the Bible like a good Christian should and not be dealing with all the baloney. I don't know how else to deal with it. I am trying to be faithful and move through my fears and angst and feel at times like it is backfiring on me. I might just have to read what I can for now as you have suggested. I've gotta get out of this God is gonna punish me if I mess up mindset. God bless.

 

[Fearless12]

I would like to echo drjean in saying that it's about quality, not quantity. Here's an option for you: try doing your own expository and topical studies. It may serve you better than forcing yourself through material you are struggling with (particularly if you are doing so purely out of a need to get through the material). I suspect that, for many of us, our reading habits are formed in grade school, where we are given reading "assignments." I think that reading the Bible in this manner could easily have you forcing yourself through passages and trying to ignore any misgivings you have. In my view, it seems better to spend more time enjoying and getting to know God through his word. You may have experience in the 2 types of study I mentioned, but if you don't, I'd be glad to give some tips (unless you'd rather Google it) Hope this helps. God bless.

 

[Quasicentennial]

Learning about the causes of sin from the Word Of God like a detective with a large magnifying glass who is looking for tiny or large bits of clues and then trying to piece them together like a jig-saw puzzle - can be a really unexciting hobby experience that takes a whole lifetime to solve. That boring feeling of unexcitement can be part of our life experience with sin when trying to understand why God would allow Satan to deceive mankind since Adam and Eve had been deceived by Satan into taking a bite of God's forbidden apple - and then we must accept Jesus our Lord Savior and Healer like he's our plaster to our wounds whenever they show up suddenly somewhere in our minds as negative thoughts, or somewhere on our bodies as an annoying pain-causing disease. I wouldn't worry too much about the holy bible because our true minds of Christ with the highest supernatural intelligence have been robbed from us since Adam and Eve have brought sin into our lives like a bad weed that keeps growing in your garden no matter what strong weed-killer is used. What came out of sin are all sorts of what I call disagreeables like atheism and non-Christian religion look-alikes such as Scientology and The Gospel according to Oprah. Look-alikes are like God's wisdom of peace and justice - only problem is that God is left out of the picture. Having accepted Jesus in my life and for years as my faith grew stronger as I got older, I just could not bear thinking that some people could come up with their views that has nothing to do with our one and only true Christian God. It's like telling everybody how to light a candle but never telling them where and how the light of the flame came into existence where God created all light and solid matter of the universe in a very organised tidy fashion, such as our blue living planet Earth. When Jesus returns in the future to transform us, understanding the Word of God with our true minds of Christ will become as easy as tying your own shoelaces. We are learners and leaders with Jesus, not losers and weepers with Satan.:*:.