struggling with purpose

[SunnyLin]

for the past few months, i've been struggling with what God means for me to do in my life. when i was young, i wanted to be a doctor. crazily enough a few months ago while iwas *talking to God* i suddenly wanted to become a youth pastor. ever since then i've been looking into the role of women in ministry becuase i've only ever met 1 woman minister. i found very demeaning passages in the bible toward women. i'm dissapointed, discouraged, and completely drained of purpose. i was just lisetning to Ginny Owens "if you want me to" and the lyrics were about walking throught the valley if God wills it. i've been thinking... with all the stuff mentioned in the bible, God won't want a woman to evangalize! God doesn't want women to teach! everything that i've wanted to do, make an impact in a young person's life, turn people to God, teach others about Christ, i've wanted to do all of this as a respected being, not a housewife. i dont want to have to put a MAN's well being and will before that of the church, before that of a member of a church, before that of God. i know i can do all of this without becoming a pastor and if i marry the right christian, but i dont want to. it seems pointless for me to live if i'm only meant to marry someone and have kids- if that is my only purpose here on earth. I want to have a major impact. i want to be asked to speak at churches. I want to lead a congregation. All of this is forbidden in some passages of the bible.

(><) i've written too much...

 

[Susan]

I know how you feel. . . though if you meet the right person it is a lot easier to heed those passages. Although I don't think I would make too good of a mother because I'm not a good enough person for the job.

I see the models of "good mothers" as being like those of the pastors and teachers in the biographies that I read in the course of my schoolwork: housewives that look&nbsp;beautiful yet&nbsp;mournfully dressed and are constantly frowning, who cook great food and keep spotless houses even if they live in a cave or a shack, teachers that make sure their&nbsp;children read only the Bible and the proper version of it (in the opinion of the&nbsp;schoolwork) and&nbsp;emphasizing church activities over anything and everything else, etc. . .

I don't&nbsp;see&nbsp;where I fit in there.&nbsp;I want to raise my future children to be Christians, but must you have to be like those perfect mothers who got&nbsp;the best&nbsp;results (all their sons becoming pastors and missionaries-although sometimes I wonder if&nbsp;it was a real calling or simply family obligation, maybe I'm too liberal-and all their daughters becoming clones of them who married other perfect mothers' perfect children)&nbsp;to have a Christian family?

 

[SunnyLin]

the scary part is, i've never ever thought about a church job before in my life. iwas wondering about God's plan for me in the future and this just came into my mind. it's possessing my soul and ambition. there's nothing else i can see myself doing. if this feeling ihave isnt from God, than its from Satan and if it is, it scares me how he can manipulate me in this way.

i'm not the type of person that gets involved in something whole heartedly, this is completely new for me, and i still dont know why i'm inclined to do this so badly. if the bible says only what i found (1 timothy 2:9-15) then everything i've been working for for the past year, everything that i've believed, and everything that has motivated me is hopeless. unless God's willing to make this right with me, i dunno what i'm going to do, i'd probably lose faith. i knwo its shallow for me to say that based only on this *small* thing, but this feeling has been eating at me, and is basically all that i am now. to lose it would be... i dunno, devistating. I truely believed this was God's will for me. could satan be playing with my will? come to think of it... the puritans during the witch hunt were simliarily inclined to kill using the exodus verse "thou shalt now suffer a witch to live". it just brings up the whole thought of how literally we should take the bible.

 

[SunnyLin]

Originally posted by Susan
I don't&nbsp;see&nbsp;where I fit in there.&nbsp;I want to raise my future children to be Christians, but must you have to be like those perfect mothers who got&nbsp;the best&nbsp;results (all their sons becoming pastors and missionaries-although sometimes I wonder if&nbsp;it was a real calling or simply family obligation, maybe I'm too liberal-and all their daughters becoming clones of them who married other perfect mothers' perfect children)&nbsp;to have a Christian family?

boy, i never realized how much pressure we were under as women as.. if God wills it, future wives and mothers. Women have special qualities taht men dont. and in turn, men have special qualities that women dont. wow! i can't believe how amazing God is. I just spent my entire afternoon&nbsp;and a few months worrying about this and then in the course of 30 minutes, God answers my essential&nbsp;questions and bring me to peace. i think i've calmed down about this, thanks to you and the other&nbsp;people here at cf.

as for your questions... ahh... i think we as women, have to trust God to give us the ability, the patience, the love, the compassion, and the mother-li-ness to be the people he wants us to be - to be good mothers, wives, daughters, and friends. Thank you for helping me to see&nbsp;women's roles in christian society! God is truley amazing

 

[Blessed-one]

there are women pastors..... if you were led by God, then you'll get the job.

for the ability to speak and preach does not come from you, but from God.

 

[Gryphon]

Titus 2:3-5

"Older women likewise are to exhibit behavior fitting for those who are holy, not slandering, not slaves to excessive drinking, but teaching what is good. In this way they will train the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, fulfilling their duties at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the message of God may not be discredited"

Sounds like doing both to me...

Being a mother is the most thankless, difficult thing I have ever seen. I could never do it. My respect for those that can is enormous.

 

[fieldmouse3]

If you believe that God is leading you to be a minister, then keep on praying about it! I think I read somewhere that the rule of women not speaking in church was more of a cultural thing, pertaining to the time and place that the passage was written, but don't quote me on that; I could be thinking of something TOTALLY different, and mixing everything up!

 

[SunnyLin]

i'll look into it sometime! if i could find wherever you read that from it'd really help me. i'm confused as to what a woman's role is. does God consider women to be below, not-as-good or holy as men? if God instructs us to look up to men, does that mean God looks down on us more than men and that men should look down on us. all the whiel i grew up thinking women were just as equal, just as capable, and just as influential as men. being a youth minsiter would mean teaching both young women and men... guUh xD i'll have to pray on this some more hehehe

 

[Blessed-one]

read Ephesians 5:22-32

 

[scott]

Sunnylinn, you spoke of having impact. What greater impact can a person have than to bring lie into this world, to bring children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. God thought this so great that he told us to be fruitful and multiply. He had alot to say about the great responsibility parents have to raise up a Godly seed. The problem is that you have listened to long to the feminists who say that being a wife and mother is a trivial i not a down right waste of talent. The fact is it's more important than any other earthly task. Thats why in the qualifications of an elder The man must be able to take care of his own household to show ability to serve in the church. The home is the center of all ministry. Feminists are just cowards afraid to try to do the hardest most meaningful job in the world
Scott

 

[SunnyLin]

you know, you're right. i've just been hearing so much about mairrage problems, i dont want to be stuck in that kind of situation and i dont trust the world enough i guess. recently, people that i've grown up and have taken care of me have been having problems with their mairrages. One of my mother's good friends is being abused by her husband, the other one isnt allowed to have any money. it's hard for me to have faith, i mean i trust that God will provide for me, i'm willing to go to the ends of the earth for Him, but i have an incredibly hard time trusting that a mairrage or even a romantic relationship can last. i have yet to meet a good christian man... i guess that's why i have a problem even thinking about commiting my life to one. i grew up in a very small materialistic community, i guess that's why all the chrisitan guys i meet aren't very appealing... >.<

 

[scott]

Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you. Don't go looking for a husband. Ask God for a Godly man and then trust his timing. Don't go dating because that just clouds your emotions. Just wait for God to bless. And remember don't look on the outward appearance look at the heart. You want to marry a mans heart not his looks because 10 years after your married both of your looks decay. If the guyisn't ready to sacriice his comfort to be a missionary if the Lord called then he probably wouldn't sacrifice much for you either.IMHO.

Scott

 

[SunnyLin]

good, sound advice. in all honesty though, i dont want to marry... i think i have major issues xD~ i've only dated once, i dont see the greatness of things like that