Struggling with My Past

[Smashleigh17]

I have only very recently come to find Christ and am currently struggling with the life I was living previous to finding Him.

I only turned 18 last year (2011). I was never one of those underage kids who went out and got drunk without my parents knowing - at my worst I was smoking three months or so before I was of legal age (I have now kicked this habit through the Holy Spirt as gifted through God). However, on turning 18, I would drink a little bit too much each time I went out.

My virginity was never anything I cared much for. I'm one of those kids who would give anything to anyone who asked without so much as an expectation for it to be returned. The thing that I really didn't understand, though, was that this was something I couldn't change, no matter how badly I wanted to, and it WOULD affect my life in the future. I wish I had have known but I didn't and now I have to live with it.

Just one night I had too much to drink and ended up in a place I didn't know with a guy I didn't know. After that I was more susceptible to peer pressure and gave into temptation again, but with someone else. After that I had lost most of the respect I had for myself and let it happen twice more, with, once more, another person, because someone was giving me the attention I'd always craved and looking at me as though I was worth something. Turns out I was only being used.

The respect returned, slightly, and I managed to put a stop to it all. However, very recently I began to understand the implications of the things I had done and it pushed me into a huge pit of depression. This is when I found the Lord. I felt that I needed something to hold onto, something intangiable and I found Him. It was almost as though He was waiting for me to come to the realisation that I needed Him and there He was.

I am entirely devoted to living a life as free of Sin as humanly possible and living through and by God's Word, also surrounding myself with new Christian friends but I am still struggling to forgive myself for my past. I know that Christ has forgiven me for I am truly remorseful and have repented my sin but I'm honeslty struggling to forgive myself and figure out where I fit into everything now.

I feel tainted and impure and I don't know how to go about it.

Any insight would be incredibly appreciated.

 

[VierJe]

I am entirely devoted to living a life as free of Sin as humanly possible and living through and by God's Word, also surrounding myself with new Christian friends but I am still struggling to forgive myself for my past. I know that Christ has forgiven me for I am truly remorseful and have repented my sin but I'm honeslty struggling to forgive myself and figure out where I fit into everything now.

I feel tainted and impure and I don't know how to go about it.

Any insight would be incredibly appreciated.

Hello smashleigh17,

I think we must have Faith to believe in all God's Word, not only understand the word but do we have faith in His Word?

I'm glad that you have understand that Christ has forgiven our sin but do we have really faith that He really has forgiven us?

Isaiah 1:18 " Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be like wool."

If we have faith in this His word, then we will have no doubt that when we have been forgiven, we shall be as "white as snow", " shall be like wool".

But The Accuser / devil will always charges us that it's impossible for us to be as"white as snow".

Revelation 12:10 "Then I heard a strong (loud) voice in heaven, saying, Now it has come--the salvation and the power and the kingdom (the dominion, the reign) of our God, and the power (the sovereignty, the authority) of His Christ (the Messiah); for the accuser of our brethren, he who keeps bringing before our God charges against them day and night, has been cast out! "

So...have faith that we are as white as snow and do not let the Accuser charges against us....!!!!

Love your life now for He has purchased you with the precious blood of Christ

I Peter 1:18-19
You must know (recognize) that you were redeemed (ransomed) from the useless (fruitless) way of living inherited by tradition from [your] forefathers, not with corruptible things [such as] silver and gold,But [you were purchased] with the precious blood of Christ (the Messiah), like that of a [sacrificial] lamb without blemish or spot.

GBU

 

[Smashleigh17]

Hi VierJe,

Thank-you for your response - I am trying really hard to put everything I have into trusting Him completely and I'll admit that at some times it's really hard, and I don't deny that I have so much Faith in Him already but at the moment it's just a matter of building up that relationship with Him and doing my best to uncover His Word.

The struggle, for me, is that I'm being held back from connecting the way I crave as I'm having difficulty forgiving myself and being at peace with my mistakes to the extent that I can discuss it with people going through the same thing and hopefully help them through it.

Sorry if that didn't make sense - my issue here is hard to explain :/

 

[yanno the meek]

Smashleigh17,

I'm Catholic and so when I need a serious spiritual cleansing I go to confession but if you're not a "retreat" may be just the thing. If you live in a city, there should be any number of retreats going on now via various churches, especially since you guys are having some cool weather. Take a look in your church bulletin or in the newspaper.

 

[Johnnz]

My wife and I have often prayed specifically for a total cleansing for people with similar life experiences. It seems joint, specific prayer is more effective than just praying alone.

John
NZ

 

[VierJe]

Hi VierJe,

Thank-you for your response - I am trying really hard to put everything I have into trusting Him completely and I'll admit that at some times it's really hard, and I don't deny that I have so much Faith in Him already but at the moment it's just a matter of building up that relationship with Him and doing my best to uncover His Word.

The struggle, for me, is that I'm being held back from connecting the way I crave as I'm having difficulty forgiving myself and being at peace with my mistakes to the extent that I can discuss it with people going through the same thing and hopefully help them through it.

Sorry if that didn't make sense - my issue here is hard to explain :/

Yes, it's really hard to trust Him completely, but God has sent us The Holy Spirit that will help us to do it completely

John 14:16
And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever--

We have to fully count on Him, not count on our strength. I think this is a process, we have to build our relationship with Him, deeper and deeper everyday, always hunger for His Presence.

The past of Apostle Paul was very dark indeed for he had kill many christian before and did hurt Jesus heart. But he never look back to his past and always look to the future.

Philippians 3:13-14
I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward

God works in many ways in our life, even in our darkest time

Romans 8:28
We are assured and know that [ God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.

This is my favourite verse in my life, because I believe God works in my past, even the darkest past of my life to called me to His design and purpose.

Smashleigh17,

I'm Catholic and so when I need a serious spiritual cleansing I go to confession but if you're not a "retreat" may be just the thing. If you live in a city, there should be any number of retreats going on now via various churches, especially since you guys are having some cool weather. Take a look in your church bulletin or in the newspaper.

Yes, joining retreat program will be an effective way to be in God's Presence and completely healing our bad feeling.

My wife and I have often prayed specifically for a total cleansing for people with similar life experiences. It seems joint, specific prayer is more effective than just praying alone.

John
NZ

Keep Pray....that's will cover everything.

Matthew 18:19
Again I tell you, if two of you on earth agree (harmonize together, make a symphony together) about whatever [anything and everything] they may ask, it will come to pass and be done for them by My Father in heaven.


GBU

 

[Justin Thearea]

2 Cor 5:16 -18

16 So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:


I have wrestled with the same issue, and I suspect most of the Christians on this site have also. The above passage has been the most effective part of God's Word to help me with this. Other translations say that we have become a 'new creation'. Focusing on that and what it means is the core of its' power.


When you received Jesus as your Savior, you didn't just get a 'wash and wax' job to make you a clean, shiny version of your old self. In Christ, you are a NEW CREATION. You, in Christ, are a new thing. In God's eyes, you didn't exist before that moment. Anything you did or didn't do before is of no importance to Him because He doesn't see it! He can do that because He is God and can do things that we can't do.


Satan, however, is not God. He is a created being, the same as we are. He remembers things, just as we do. The difference between us and him is that he actively remembers our past and works at reminding us of it because he wants to see us fail. Rev.12:10 refers to him as 'the accuser of the brethren' (and 'sistern').


When you look in the mirror now you probably don't look much different than you did before you received God's gift of Salvation. But in God's eyes... Well, no one here knows exactly what He sees. But, based on His Word and Promises, He sees you as 'altogether lovely'!


This is where the application of faith comes in. Are you going to believe God's Word that says you are 'altogether lovely', a new creation without spot or blemish, or your own lying eyes and Satan's whispered lies that say you're no different than you were BC?


We need to choose to exercise faith. To say to Satan, who you can't see, to take a hike. And to say to God, who you also can't see, "Thank you, Father, that you see me in Your Son Jesus. And in Him, I am a new creation, without fault or defect!" Say it out loud so that you can hear it. And repeat it a few times. Not shouting or jumping up and down or any such. Just a simple declaration of God's Word and exercise of your faith.


And to help reassure you that it works, I refer to myself. I'm over 60 yrs old and I accepted Jesus as Savior over 40 yrs ago (hand to forehead) Wow, forty years!!! Hardly a day goes by that Satan or circumstances don't remind me of something in my past that I did or something in the present that I just did that makes me wonder why God would ever want to have me around. By practice and His Grace, I can now remind myself almost immediately that the Father sees me in His Son. And to Him, I am 'altogether lovely'. Like Paul, I haven't arrived yet, but I press on toward the goal of being united with Him in the greater reality that is Heaven.


Remind yourself to believe God's Word, not your lyin' eyes. I pray this helps you. In Christ, you ARE a NEW CREATION!